My mom called the cops on me

I am gonna sound like a teenager here, but this is the situation. I am 26 and have been living at home still. Well a couple years ago I met this woman, she is 46. We have fallen in love but there has been some very tough issues: she wasn’t yet separated from her ex-husband when we met and she still lives with him in order for her daughters to not have a broken home. She is trustworthy, she wouldn’t do anything with him. Well I asked my mom if she had a problem with us dating, and she said “f yeah” and it hurt because I was very happy and excited, I had never had a relationship before this woman. It really put me in turmoil to know that my mom had such an issue with it. So for a long time I was very confused about whether to pursue the relationship or keep it at bay. My gf and I began to argue relentlessly about the fact that I took my mom’s feelings so deeply into consideration, there were times when after we would fight I would go to my mom and ask her opinion and she felt as if I was being emotionally abused and she advised me to break up with my gf. My mom absolutely wanted nothing to do with my gf and she forbade her from ever coming to our house. I pleaded with my mom many times for my gf to come over and she said no every time and she threatened to fight my gf if I brought her over. Well fast forward to recently, I once again pleaded with my mom to allow my gf over, I told her how much it hurt me to see my siblings with the people they loved while I had to sit by my lonesome while the whole family was here. She seemed to take it into consideration. Well a few weeks passed and I brought it up again, this time it was once again squashed with a “No! I am not having that woman at MY house!” And so I made my stand, I FINALLY mustered up the courage and I told her, “fine, I will not be here for holidays either if you can’t let my gf be here. It isn’t right to expect me to choose between either being with my gf or being with you guys. Or to split my time between both. I am tired of having to do that!”She stood her ground as much as I did. When I came back from work the next morning after having thought all night about what to do, I got a little ballsy and demanded that my gf be allowed to be at our house with me for the holidays. My mom said, “oh hell no! I will be damned if you will tell me how it is gonna be in my house! You can pack up your s*** and leave.”So I told her, “okay. It doesn’t have to be this way, but I am not gonna change my mind.” Well we went without talking for about a week, and then my sister’s husband got hurt and I don’t know if she thought about me but she came into the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth for work and gave me a hug and apologized. When I was leaving for work, I told her “I haven’t changed my mind mom. My gf should be allowed here.” could tell it bothered her. She texted me that night explaining to me again why she felt how she felt, and I told her, “it honestly doesn’t matter. I just want to be respected enough that my feelings matter in this. No matter what happened she is my gf and she doesnÂ’t deserved to be shut out of my life. I have kept her away for two years because of how you felt, and I refuse to do it any longer.” After that we went about 3 weeks without speaking. In this time I felt that I should take the utilities out of my name and I let her know beforehand. I had been helping her by paying the gas and water bill and part of the rent. I felt I had to do it. Well we didnÂ’t speak very much until my sister-in-law and niece showed up for thanksgiving (my brother is in Afghanistan right now). She started talking to me as if nothing happened. I was still upset because I felt like I was still getting no respect and my feelings were not being considered at all. So I talked but very briefly. And I let my mom know that I still wouldnÂ’t be there for thanksgiving until my gf could be allowed there with me. So I spent thanksgiving donating plasma and riding around in my truck until I went to work. Well once my sister-in-law and niece left, it felt like things had gone back to how they were before. We barely spoke. Well I came back one day from looking at an apartment and I was very excited so I told her I found an apartment and she said, “good for you!” But I could tell she didnÂ’t mean it. So I was in the kitchen cooking me some ramen noodles when my sister asked me why I had barely spoken to her. And I told her, “I have been ignored by you and mom for weeks now.” And my mom chimed in and said “you have mistreated me! You have been rude and barely spoken and when you do speak you are very short.” And I told her, “you ignored me for weeks and then you pretend everything is okay when my niece and S.I.L. Come? I am still upset about everything and I canÂ’t pretend like everything is okay.” My mom said that I was being childish and immature and I told her, “so are you!” And my baby sister told me to shut up, and my mom said, “mmhmm.” So I said, “mmhmm?! Now who is childish and immature?” And I told my baby sister, “donÂ’t talk to me that way. You canÂ’t tell me to shut up.” And I went to my room. My baby sister walked in there without knocking and started playing on my computer. I told her, “you know you shouldnÂ’t tell me to shut up.” She said, “mom is okay with it.” And I told her, “but IÂ’m not! You know what, youÂ’re not allowed in my room for the rest of the day.” She was upset and she went crying to her room. Well my mom went and asked her what was wrong. And she told her. And my mom said, “itÂ’s okay. He has been mistreating us all.” And I said, “what?! I havenÂ’t mistreated anybody! I just want my feelings to be respected! And my gf to be able to come to where I live!” And she said, “no she isnÂ’t ever gonna come here!” And I said, “that is fine then, I donÂ’t have a reason to come here either then.” And she said “good you have been a .” And I flew off the handle, I told her, “IÂ’m taking my fÂ’ing tv and my grill too!” (I had bought both of them and was gonna leave them at the house when I moved out until all this happened) and she said “go right ahead and take your dog too!” And I told her, “oh I am gonna take him.” And then I told her, “ I was the one who was mistreated for weeks! Not you! You told me you were gonna change the locks on me the other day. Why?! IÂ’m your son! I havenÂ’t done anything to you to make you do that!” And she said, “f you!” And I told her, “f me?! No f you!” And she said, “ I want you out of here! IÂ’m calling the cops!” She said, “iÂ’m Your mom, I deserve more respect than this!” So I said “iÂ’m Your son and I have done so much to help you and I get no respect! But my sister gets respect and she hasnÂ’t even helped you with any bills the way I have.” And she said, “my respect is earned not given.” And I told her, “IÂ’m your fÂ’ing son! I have done everything I can to help you for over 4 years! Why donÂ’t I deserve some fÂ’ing respect?!” And then I left and came back and waited in my truck until the cops came. They told me she couldnÂ’t just kick me out. She needed to get an eviction notice. I told him that I was just waiting for a couple weeks until my apartment becomes available. I havenÂ’t spoken to my mom since. I donÂ’t know how to forgive her. IÂ’m tired of doing so much and it going unnoticed.

You should separate this into paragraphs as it is too difficult to read like this.

You should separate this into paragraphs as it is too difficult to read like this.

I would, but I do not feel like going back over all of it right now.

You're under mom's roof, and naturally she doesn't like the fact that your gf is still married, living with her husband.

Her house, her rules. She doesn't want to be made to feel uncomfortable in her own home by a situation she

dislikes.

You're moving out, so now you can have peace of mind and have your gf over to your place.

Which is how it should be.

As far as fighting with your mom, I understand how you feel.

However you will not change her mind on this, so don't fight about it.

The more you do, the more she will resent her.

You're under mom's roof, and naturally she doesn't like the fact that your gf is still married, living with her husband.

Her house, her rules. She doesn't want to be made to feel uncomfortable in her own home by a situation she

dislikes.

 

You're moving out, so now you can have peace of mind and have your gf over to your place.

Which is how it should be.

 

As far as fighting with your mom, I understand how you feel.

However you will not change her mind on this, so don't fight about it.

The more you do, the more she will resent her.

I used to pay half the bills there. I’m not just gonna bend to my mom’s rules.

I would, but I do not feel like going back over all of it right now.

Are you allowed at the woman you're dating's house?

Yeah, and if you can't be bothered to "go back over all of it" when it's your own plea for advice, you can understand how few ****s any of us get to read through and decipher a wall of text riddled random A"s.

Yeah, I don’t know what the As are all about but yeah I got busy and didn’t have time to overlook the whole thing.

Are you allowed at the woman you're dating's house?

Yeah, I’ve been to her house. Me and her ex had a couple beers. We aren’t the best of friends, and it is still awkward, but I am allowed at her house.

This isnt about making you choose. Its about mak8ng your personal life someone else's business, an issue that happens among roommates too. It isn't about that its mom, moms house, or bill splitting, although all those make it more difficult to manage.

For social family traditions, if you didnt live there, you would naturally find a way to split your time and the same can happen now - holidays with mom for the morning and gf for dinner or whatever. For roommate life, keep your habits to yourself as much as possible and make clear that you do not expect anyone else to lie for you.

It need not blow up to be as dramatic as it has become, and that part reflects the fact that at 26 you are transitioning your relationship to a nea degree of independence. If your mom were a regular adult whom you respected in some way, and out of respect to yourself and your desire to be a kind person, how would you behave? That would be the standard if you were roommates

Its good you are moving out. Till then keep your rl to yourself as much as you can, respect your housemate's desire to be as unaware of it as possible, and love your mom for being your mom - who is after all, as flawed and beutiful as the rest of us.

Sorry to hear this but all you can do is move out because this woman is still living with her husband and your mother is within her rights to decide who will or will not be entertained in her house. She also has the right to ask you to leave if you are contributing to chaos and abusive dynamics. She seems overprotective, but she has a point given that the woman is currently living as a family with her husband.

she wasn’t yet separated from her ex-husband when we met and she still lives with him. “No! I am not having that woman at MY house!” she said, “ I want you out of here! I’m calling the cops!” They told me she couldn’t just kick me out. She needed to get an eviction notice.

Sorry to hear this but all you can do is move out because this woman is still living with her husband and your mother is within her rights to decide who will or will not be entertained in her house. She also has the right to ask you to leave if you are contributing to chaos and abusive dynamics. She seems overprotective, but she has a point given that the woman is currently living as a family with her husband.

If I were his roommate I wouldn't want her there either. I don't want to be called on to testify in court. Any witness is exposed to that possibility. It isn't necessarily or only a moral issue. Its a legal one. A subpoena is an unnecessary distraction that causes tension, lost time/income and potentially, expense. All of that plus exposure to social disruption. No thank you.

Please use proper formatting and paragraphs. Thread closed.