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Thread: Insult From Friend

  1. #1
    Hollyj
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    Insult From Friend

    I need to know if I am being too reactionary to a comment made earlier today.

    I met with a group of friends for lunch. After the lunch, we were all standing outside the restaurant saying our goodbyes. My one friend went in for a hug, and commented on how much weight i had lost - which I appreciated. He then went on to say that I was flat, and was motioning from the stomach to the chest. I was confused and asked what he meant. he stated that my chest was much flatter, and that I was like an Asian - I found this highly offensive, as I have many Asian friends. He is from Brazil. I told him what I thought of his comment, and that you never say something like this to a woman, and it was offensive. He made it out that I was making a big deal out of this situation, and that since we were friends, it was okay. I do not agree, and found it highly insulting, as you do not speak to people in this way - He is in his late 40's.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
    agent
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    Does he often say completely inappropriate things to people?

  3. #3
    Hollyj
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    Not that I have heard. I have only met a couple of his friends. His husband says that he can say some outrageous stuff to his friends in Brazil. But, those things are tacky jokes. You don't joke around about something that someone cannot change.

    I know him from a one-to-one English conversation program. He was my former student. He was never like this. Always very sweet. There have some changes in personality within the last year (going to school and getting a new job. making positive changes in his life). With this, he has not been quite the same friend.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 12-03-2017 at 02:02 AM.

  4. #4
    reinventmyself
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    Not appropriate. He should have stopped with the compliment.
    But to go on further to infer about your breast size and make a racial generaliztion is just not ok.
    Glad you checked him.

  5. #5
    Hollyj
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    Quote Originally Posted by reinventmyself [Register to see the link]
    Not appropriate. He should have stopped with the compliment.
    But to go on further to infer about your breast size and make a racial generaliztion is just no ok.
    Glad you checked him.
    Thanks.

    Would you continue with the friendship?

  6. #6
    reinventmyself
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    Depends.
    I get he didn't back down but maybe with some reflection he might see it differently?
    Everyone's tolerance is different, Holly. This one's up to you.

  7. #7
    Hollyj
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    Quote Originally Posted by reinventmyself [Register to see the link]
    Depends.
    I get he didn't back down but maybe with some reflection he might see it differently?
    Everyone's tolerance is different, Holly. This one's up to you.
    He won't. He made me feel foolish that I was upset. He will not admit that he was wrong, and that I am blowing it out of proportion. He doesn't admit to fault.

  8. #8
    yatsue
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    While it was an inappropriate comment, if this is the only thing he has done I wouldn't just cut off the friendship. That is a little overdramatic. You said he was a good, nice guy besides this one incident and it doesn't really justify to not be friends anymore.

    The more appropriate action would be to clearly state your boundaries and not let him minimize it. Tell him, I know you think it's not a big deal but do not say anything like that to me because it is offensive and not ok; to keep your comments to yourself next time. Overstepping boundaries on friendships do happen and some people value honesty over other people's feelings. Just make sure you get it clear you don't appreciate his honest word vomit.

  9. #9
    Hollyj
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    Quote Originally Posted by yatsue [Register to see the link]
    While it was an inappropriate comment, if this is the only thing he has done I wouldn't just cut off the friendship. That is a little overdramatic. You said he was a good, nice guy besides this one incident and it doesn't really justify to not be friends anymore.

    The more appropriate action would be to clearly state your boundaries and not let him minimize it. Tell him, I know you think it's not a big deal but do not say anything like that to me because it is offensive and not ok; to keep your comments to yourself next time. Overstepping boundaries on friendships do happen and some people value honesty over other people's feelings. Just make sure you get it clear you don't appreciate his honest word vomit.
    Thank you, for your advice.

    What if I state my position, again, and he still makes me feel foolish for feeling offended?

  10. #10
    fivespot
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    It's wasn't a big deal. People need to stop this crap of getting so butthurt over every single little stupid "offensive" comment. Everything offends everybody these days.

    I'm offended by people who get offended.

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