Boyfriend jealous of my ex

I have this ex who completely broke my heart anytime i even hear his name its painful. I decided to.go no contact a year ago and commited to never checking up on him or knowing anything about him. Today my current boyfriend was telling me how he checked up on my exs facebook and was about to update me about his life. Before he had a chance i said please dont tell me any information because i dont want to know. Now hes annoyed because he thinks im not over him and he said i looked like i was about to burst out crying when he mentioned his name. Now hes refusing to talk to me and went home straight away. Did i handle the situatiom wrong? I just didnt want to open an old wound when i was doing well.

Why did he look him up?? That's strange....honestly I think he crossed a line of sorts by even doing that. What was he trying to accomplish??

OP, you're not over him until you accept that you were in a relationship with someone who wasn't right for you, take responsibility for that, and let the pain go. Let it go so you go forward without any part of you left in the past.

OP, you're not over him until you accept that you were in a relationship with someone who wasn't right for you, take responsibility for that, and let the pain go. Let it go so you go forward without any part of you left in the past.

With respect...I don't thnk the OP did anything wrong here. I think it was her right to not want to discuss her ex.

Maybe therea a part of me thats not over it but its been a long time and i have moved on there will always be a little part of me hurt over that but i dont think that will ever go away.

I think hd should be happy i dont want to be stuck in the past instead of checking up on my ex all the time. Wouldnt that be worse?

Why did he look him up?? That's strange....honestly I think he crossed a line of sorts by even doing that. What was he trying to accomplish??

I agree.

Nonetheless, OP expresses a degree of pain that is right beneath the surface. She is holding onto pain; I see his point. And to have left altogether... thinking his instincts already were firing about this.

With respect...I don't thnk the OP did anything wrong here. I think it was her right to not want to discuss her ex.

I 100% agree with this. One of my exes physically abused me... Hospital visit and a restraining order was involved. S**t I wouldn't want to talk about in detail because it's so painful. If I ever dated a guy who was going on social media to stalk my exes on social media and then tried interrogating me with my past, I would be done with him in a heartbeat. This isn't about rebounding... This is about the boyfriend being very insecure and trying to dig up the OP's past.

The fault is on the boyfriend. He is the one displaying lack of trust by snooping.

The way I see it, the OP IS burying the hatchet and trying to move on. Her boyfriend is trying to dig the hatchet up.

This guy should be toast.

I'd be questioning, and annoyed with, your boyfriend. It's not like you look up your ex, or talk excessively about him, or text him. Your boyfriend has this strange jealous fascination with this ex, and I'd be ticked. Not only did he do something weird to look him up, but he tried to get a rise out of you by trying to get you to view your ex's stuff.

I'd tread carefully with this boyfriend. Line: crossed.

I'd be questioning, and annoyed with, your boyfriend. It's not like you look up your ex, or talk excessively about him, or text him. Your boyfriend has this strange jealous fascination with this ex, and I'd be ticked. Not only did he do something weird to look him up, but he tried to get a rise out of you by trying to get you to view your ex's stuff.

 

I'd tread carefully with this boyfriend. Line: crossed.

yes yes yes

OP, are you over him?

Your current boyfriend should not have looked up your ex-friend's info and want to tell you about it, but when he did try to tell you about it, you were clearly upsetl. You are not over your ex-boyfriend and it was obvious to your current boyfriend. He brought it upon himself, but I can understand why he is upset. Maybe talk to your current boyfriend and explain that you did not want to hear the info because you want to move on and you want to be with him. It is up to you. chi

It took a long time to get over my ex and alot of willpower to not snoop on him or reply to messages when i knew he wasnt any good. I feel im over it to a certain extent but hearing about him brings me back to a bad place and upseta me. My current boyfriend also told me that my ex had a new baby boy with his girlfriend and looks really happy. I didnt even realise his girlfriend was pregnant. Maybe that isnt true and my boyfriend is just looking for a reaction? Now im questioning everything because this upset me more than it should to hear this informatiom.

Your boyfriend is sh*t-testing you and that alone should make you question what type of guy he really is. He shouldn't have done any of it to begin with, nor carried on once you told him to zip it. He doesn't sound like a good person.

However, it does appear you're not really over your ex. Nobody loves hearing updates about some jerk who hurt them, of course, but for the mere mention of his name to bring you nearly to the point of tears is concerning. It seems your boyfriend has questioned for some time if you have really moved on, and while he went about finding out in the most craptastic fashion, I also don't think his gut instinct was wrong.

It sounds like you need to assess whether you're ready to be dating anyone, let alone a guy who creeps your ex's Facebook.

I think this is actually a pretty vile act on your current boyfriend's part. Your past is none of his business, unless you choose to share it with him. Him bringing up what's going on in your ex's life as a means of testing you is game-playing.

If he feels insecure in the relationship then it's his responsibility to say so, tell you what his concerns are and discuss them openly and honestly with you - not rub salt into a wound you've been working hard to heal. I blocked an ex on everything, and when mutual friends started to tell me what he was up to, I politely said that I didn't want to know - and expected them to respect that. If someone had thrown a strop about it, they wouldn't have remained friends for very long.

If your current boyfriend has stormed off and never comes back, let yourself know that it wasn't meant to be. This is your ex, your past and he's made it all about HIM.

It's a blessing in disguise if he leaves. Do you really want to be with somebody who literally looks for every painful thing, brings it up, and then beats you down over it?

He's got issues. You really should think twice about dating this kind of person.

Why does your bf even know enough about this guy to be able to stalk him? I don’t tell my current bf details like names and last names of my exes. Not trying to put the blame on OP, I agree what he did is wrong and frankly very weird. Why on earth would he think you want an update on an ex’s life?? Especially from your current bf. I don’t understand his logic on that one.

OP,

There is a gift here. Your now ex bf held up a mirror to you in a manner that violated your boundaries and was confrontational in other ways as well. His manner of unearthing a truth made the truth a more difficult burden.

Even so, he helped you see that you have a little more work to do. Your bf wasnt your proper match, and is now gone. Let him go.

The gift is the discovery and the space to face your truth about the exex. Your dream with him is gone. Its the dream you mourn, not the man.

Think about the dream. It is yours, you can plug a new man into it; plenty do. Usually that creates stress down the road. Better to handlr it now. You will be in great shape for your proper match! When you are ready, he will arrive.

The dream. What is its purpose? Is your life right now good enough? Are you good enough? Do you dream of being saved or lifted out of your life?

If yes -- let THAT be your next thread of discovery.

Thanks everyone for the replies. There has been a lot of great advice. I guess why it still hurts is because of the rejection from my ex and I always kind of wondered why her not me? I know that rejection is apart of life but it hurts when it comes from someone you loved. I think I'm over it enough to be with someone new it just still stings when I think about it or hear about it. I wasn't really about to cry my boyfriend was exaggerating. I just looked worried because I didn't want to hear what he was about to say because I knew it would set me back. He knows my exes name because they actually have the same first name and very similar second name to (only 2 letters in the difference) lol so we would always joke about that.

Thanks everyone for the replies. There has been a lot of great advice. I guess why it still hurts is because of the rejection from my ex and I always kind of wondered why her not me? I know that rejection is apart of life but it hurts when it comes from someone you loved. I think I'm over it enough to be with someone new it just still stings when I think about it or hear about it. I wasn't really about to cry my boyfriend was exaggerating. I just looked worried because I didn't want to hear what he was about to say because I knew it would set me back. He knows my exes name because they actually have the same first name and very similar second name to (only 2 letters in the difference) lol so we would always joke about that.

OP

There is both truth and rationalization in your words.

(1)

"Rejection" from your ex... isn't rejection. It is the determination that you are not right for each other, which determination he made before you did. It is not a rejection of who you are. It is an assessment of how well you sync up with his idea of what fits him best. It has NOTHING to do with your value, worth, beauty, desirability, etc. I have been dumped any number of times by men (incl my exH) who say, in effect, "You are better than she is, but she is a better match for me." You are better than, for me, usually has been expressed as prettier than, smarter than, have better values than... some of it silly, some of it substantive. None of it matters. It only matters that I am not what he wants for himself, in the context of a long-term relationship. Same with you -- you, who you are, has not been rejected in the least. Only determined that you are not the best fit for the long haul. That's it.

Think about that. You are not a victim at all, he didn't reject you per se, and you are as awesome as you always have thought.

(2)

"... because it would set me back" -- why would hearing about your bf set you back? Why have you let someone else have this power over you? Take your power back! Don't ever give it away again, not the next time you love someone, not when you marry and have umpteen children and a set of in laws. Never. Always always always you are worthy of having the best life that YOU want, even if nobody else wants the same as you. There is only one you, and none of us is free from complexity. YOU will feel so much better when you are able to be glad your ex seems to have found a place he calls home, and if you think your ex is a hot mess, you also can be grateful that he isn't your hot mess. If his life seems perfect, be assured it isn't. He is as human as the rest of us. Be glad for him the way you might for a distant cousin or something.

Let the weight of your past go. So long as it is attached to you, it is defining you. Do you want that? To be defined by an old relationship?/ I don't think so. You are so different now, right? Own that!

Rejection is Gods protection.......

OP I think you are over your ex but not yet in love with yourself. Love you, accept you, at LEAST as muchas you want someone else to do that. More than, really, and always.

It takes practice, just like a new bf takes practice. Practice loving you.

How did your boyfriend know your ex's name or enough details to find him? You must have told him.

You guys joke about the name similarities...?

Okay.

How bizarre.

I think you should break up with him. What he did was wrong and you are CLEARLY still hung up on your ex-it's not fair on ur bf. Stay single for at least half a year and work passed these issues first.

You wrote in your other thread that you fantasize about cheating on your boyfriend with your ex. So his suspicions didn't just come out of nowhere. I'm sure he senses you still want your ex.