Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 35

Thread: Do I sound like I'm stringing her along? What should I do?

  1. #1
    XxJayvardxX
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    20

    Do I sound like I'm stringing her along? What should I do?

    So I (24 YO) met this girl (19 YO) at work who I spoke to a few times, but didn't really think much of. We had a few conversations over the course of a month, and eventually she asked me for my number.

    We have spent a lot of time talking, hanging out, going to movies, etc. and have been doing this for almost two months. For the past three weeks, we have also been getting sexual (haven't had sex yet, but done sexual things). She wants to have sex, though.

    A few nights ago we were on the phone, and she asked me about one of my text messages in which I was giving her crap (jokingly) and mentioned the word "dating." She asked me what I meant about, "dating" and then mentioned that one of her friends asked her if I was talking about exclusiveness. I froze and just told her on the phone that there is nothing much to that text...and we moved on. The reason why she asked me about this text is because a few nights ago she told me that I am one of the hardest people to read...and that is when I asked her if she wants to know anything about me that I haven't told her, and that's when she asked me about the word "dating" which confused me.

    I am just not sure if she is interested in a hookup, casual dating, or if she wants to be my girlfriend. I also feel like it's too early to talk about this.

    *Here are the BIGGEST caveats in all of this*

    We both work till 9, so we hang out from 9 to about 3 am and just walk everywhere together holding hands, and getting intimate.

    She tells me about her friends, family, and stuff about her time at high school...and wants to know everything abour me.

    I have MENTIONED to her almost on a daily basis that there is a 95% chance that I will leave the state for Medical School in about seven months. This does NOT seem to phase her AT all, which makes me question her intentions. I don't want to lead her on, but I don't really know what to do. She seems to encourage me to go to the top schools which are all far away, and seems to care about my general satisfaction. THIS IS WHAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO FIGURE OUT!

    The problem is that I have started caring about her
    and want to be with her. I know it's not realistic if I move for Medical School. HOWEVER, there is a small chance that I could (0.01% chance) get an interview/acceptance in my hometown area. What should I do??!!

  2. #2
    Clio
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    1,965
    Gender
    Female
    You sound very passive as a person and that means that you may end up in random situations just because someone one else made choices for you and you let them. This girl is interested in you so she is pursuing you. You on the other hand sound like you have no idea what YOU want. You need to grow a spine or you risk having other people making your choices for you. What if she gets pregnant? Your life paths don't seem to match. It sounds like you only wanted casual and don't have the foggiest idea what she wants or you are indeed stringing her along to keep the sex coming. She could also be trying to get with a future doctor in the same way and then the joke will be on you... Or she could genuinely like you. You need to straight up talk about your wishes and life goals and if these don't match you need to cut it out.

    Fuzzy undefined situations may seem convenient but the aftermath can really lead one astray. You are already getting attached when you have no idea what each of you wants...that's asking for pain.
    Last edited by Clio; 12-02-2017 at 07:35 AM.

  3. #3
    Andrina
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    2,172
    Gender
    Female
    In your case, I believe a LDR wouldn't be realistic to sustain in this situation. She is 19 and while all of her friends are probably dating locally, she will be alone in her room messaging you. Either that or she will be going out to bars or other events where she will be meeting other hot guys who will be trying to pick her up and she might start to see them as attractive prospects because she is tired of seeing you only 1 to 4 times a year.

    Medical school leaves you little time for anything else. It'd be a different story if you two had already been together many years and you had confidence that both of you could handle the long distance strain.

    I'd suggest you have a discussion with her that you go back to being just colleagues because you can't see being able to handle a LDR and that's what will happen if you two continue. It's better to let it end now before you both get too close which will make it harder when you leave. Good luck in your new location. If you end up local, you might see if she's willing to date again, but I'd see how much time you have to pursue that before jumping in again.

  4. #4
    XxJayvardxX
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    20
    Quote Originally Posted by Clio [Register to see the link]
    You sound very passive as a person and that means that you may end up in random situations just because someone one else made choices for you and you let them. This girl is interested in you so she is pursuing you. You on the other hand sound like you have no idea what YOU want. You need to grow a spine or you risk having other people making your choices for you. What if she gets pregnant? Your life paths don't seem to match. It sounds like you only wanted casual and don't have the foggiest idea what she wants or you are indeed stringing her along to keep the sex coming. She could also be trying to get with a future doctor in the same way and then the joke will be on you... Or she could genuinely like you. You need to straight up talk about your wishes and life goals and if these don't match you need to cut it out.

    Fuzzy undefined situations may seem convenient but the aftermath can really lead one astray. You are already getting attached when you have no idea what each of you wants...that's asking for pain.
    I see what you mean. I did not realize how passive I was in this situation, because usually in most things (including past relationships), I have always been active and to the point, which is what attracts people to me. However, I merely was open to being her friend, until she started pursuing me. I liked it, but then I began to develop feelings for her. The big problem is that I most likely will be leaving, but I want to continue seeing her in case I get an acceptance at home.

  5. #5
    XxJayvardxX
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    20
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrina [Register to see the link]
    In your case, I believe a LDR wouldn't be realistic to sustain in this situation. She is 19 and while all of her friends are probably dating locally, she will be alone in her room messaging you. Either that or she will be going out to bars or other events where she will be meeting other hot guys who will be trying to pick her up and she might start to see them as attractive prospects because she is tired of seeing you only 1 to 4 times a year.

    Medical school leaves you little time for anything else. It'd be a different story if you two had already been together many years and you had confidence that both of you could handle the long distance strain.

    I'd suggest you have a discussion with her that you go back to being just colleagues because you can't see being able to handle a LDR and that's what will happen if you two continue. It's better to let it end now before you both get too close which will make it harder when you leave. Good luck in your new location. If you end up local, you might see if she's willing to date again, but I'd see how much time you have to pursue that before jumping in again.
    I don't plan on doing a LDR, simply because it's not fair for her, it's difficult, and I have been in one in the past which I called off. I want to keep seeing her in case (very small chance) I get an interview and acceptance at home, in which case I can be in a relationship with her. I don't want to kill the small chance, but I don't know if I shoukd bring it up right now or later. She leaves for a trip in 3 weeks for 12 days, then I get to see her, and then I leave for my Medical School interviews, and then I come back and we have ~5 months left.

  6. #6
    figureitout23
    Gold Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    901
    Quote Originally Posted by XxJayvardxX [Register to see the link]
    I see what you mean. I did not realize how passive I was in this situation, because usually in most things (including past relationships), I have always been active and to the point, which is what attracts people to me. However, I merely was open to being her friend, until she started pursuing me. I liked it, but then I began to develop feelings for her. The big problem is that I most likely will be leaving, but I want to continue seeing her in case I get an acceptance at home.
    I agree, you're being way too passive here. If you want to be with her, ask her.


    To me, your post screams, I'm not going to own up to wanting a relationship with her until I know what she wants.

    People are so afraid to take risks now a days. No risk, no reward, if you want to pursue something with her, tell her.

  7. #7
    XxJayvardxX
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    20
    Even if I'm potentially leaving for Medical School in 7 months? It's not that I'm afraid to ask or want to know what she wants first, it's just that I don't want to be with her in a relationship and then leave. However, because there is a tiny chance I can remain here and attend Medical School at home, I don't want to stop seeing her. It is difficult either way, and it's driving me crazy.

  8. #8
    Andrina
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    2,172
    Gender
    Female
    Why don't you discuss the dilemma with her, exactly as you're telling us your thoughts and feelings? Being honest is the best route. She needs to know that you're not willing to do a LDR before she decides to move on with you. If you don't give her that info and she assumes otherwise, it's a selfish move on your part, and unkind. If you let her know all the options and that you're hoping you can stay local so that you can continue dating, then you're doing the right thing. She should be given the right to decide what's best for herself when you explain what's going on in your head about things.

  9. #9
    XxJayvardxX
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    20
    I guess I'm just afraid that it's too soon to start getting serious and telling her these things. Right now we are having fun, enjoying each other, and I don't want to overwhelm her. I don't want to make it seem like I'm needy, but the time limit is making this harder than it needs to be.

  10. #10
    XxJayvardxX
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    20
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrina [Register to see the link]
    Why don't you discuss the dilemma with her, exactly as you're telling us your thoughts and feelings? Being honest is the best route. She needs to know that you're not willing to do a LDR before she decides to move on with you. If you don't give her that info and she assumes otherwise, it's a selfish move on your part, and unkind. If you let her know all the options and that you're hoping you can stay local so that you can continue dating, then you're doing the right thing. She should be given the right to decide what's best for herself when you explain what's going on in your head about things.

    I guess I'm just afraid that it's too soon to start getting serious and telling her these things. Right now we are having fun, enjoying each other, and I don't want to overwhelm her. I don't want to make it seem like I'm needy, but the time limit is making this harder than it needs to be.

  11.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
I'm always the one messaging first lately.... not her.
I've been dating this woman for the past few weeks. We've gone on about 4 dates so far. Date #5 occurring this Saturday. Anyway, lately, it
Why would people ghost rather than saying something
Speaking to a girl for a month or so, been on a couple dates went well and we spoke a lot. After the last date we were still speaking for a few days
He didn't even bother to cancel our date leaving me feeling disrespected
We made plans to go out on Friday evening. No place/specific time but we did discuss possible things to do and I knew it would be in the evening
Does she like me? Another second date confusion...
Met another girl online and we went on a date at Sunday ([I]this is the 7th girl I go on a first date with for the past few months, I suck at
Is he really even interested? Please help.
I am really torn on what to do. I know I'm emotional at times and I don't know if this is honestly a problem or if it's all in my own head and I'm
Ghosted by an Ďamazingí man?
Hi Everyone, So after finally leaving an emotionally abusive relationship with a man I had a child with I finally started dating. I went on a few
Silence - Out of the Blue?
So I met this girl (26) initially on OKCupid... turns out that we worked at the same place and had a lot in common. I am 24. We talked everyday
Featured Threads
Red Flag if the guy on first date does not pay for my food?
A guys asked me out to a dinner and picked the restaurant. Toward the end, when the waiter came to drop off the bill, the waiter leaned toward the
narcissistic ex - help/ how to get back at him
So this is a post about a narcisisstic, immature ex. Not an ex boyfriend, not an ex boy, but something in between. It was something in between
University freshers fling?
[B]Hey there! [/B] Thank you so much for reading this. I just [I]REALLY [/I]need advice as it's SERIOUSLY affecting MY LIFE
Should you call out your ex when you find out they've been cheating on you?
Just some thoughts guys. Have you been cheated on? What did you do? Did you call your ex out on the lies and deceit? Or go on with your lives?
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
How to avoid checking up on ex social media?
Hi friends, Iím finding that posting here and seeing so many of us in the same boat is proving rather helpful in my own journey to move on. That
Break-up
Hi, I've recently just been broken up with by my girlfriend of two years, she has stated it wasn't all my fault and she is part to blame, but would
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •