How to be at peace with a breakup?

What made you give up/forget about your ex who broke up with you?

-is it hatred towards him or other emotion?

Self respect. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't value me.

The realization that I am not compatible with someone who breaks our relationship. It just doesn't fit my definition of compatibility.

Self respect. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't value me.

The realization that I am not compatible with someone who breaks our relationship. It just doesn't fit my definition of compatibility.

That pretty much the mindset I was in when the break up happened, two months ago.

It is a lot more difficult now...

That pretty much the mindset I was in when the break up happened, two months ago.

It is a lot more difficult now...

What mindset do you have now? What are your thoughts about this?

That pretty much the mindset I was in when the break up happened, two months ago.

It is a lot more difficult now...

Sounds like it's time for you to stretch your wings a bit then, get out more, make some new friends, do something interesting, maybe head out on a date or two, etc. Don't stagnate in the same old same old and getting lonely and starting to feel that void. Fill it with fun stuff.

What mindset do you have now? What are your thoughts about this?

I'm an emotional mess.

I miss her, I love her and I hate her for doing this to me.

The worst thing is imagining her someone else, or thinking about her dating other people, it really kills me. It's the most difficult part.

Sounds like it's time for you to stretch your wings a bit then, get out more, make some new friends, do something interesting, maybe head out on a date or two, etc. Don't stagnate in the same old same old and getting lonely and starting to feel that void. Fill it with fun stuff.

I've been on several dates since the breakup, all it did for me is to enhance my feelings towards my ex.

Really not feeling it at the moment, I'm not in a condition to meet girls at the moment.

Thanks for your replies by the way.

Then not dating, certainly, but definitely expand your social circle and other activities. Keep yourself busy doing what you love and if nothing comes to mind, then just start doing/trying random things, hobbies, sports, etc. Try out meetup.com and see what's in your area that might be fun to do and just go. You are dwelling and only way to break that up is with activities that make you happy or simply occupy your mind and time. Join a sports league maybe. Nothing like coming home pleasantly exhausted, too exhausted to give your ex any head space.

I'm an emotional mess.

I miss her, I love her and I hate her for doing this to me.

The worst thing is imagining her someone else, or thinking about her dating other people, it really kills me. It's the most difficult part.

 

 

I've been on several dates since the breakup, all it did for me is to enhance my feelings towards my ex.

Really not feeling it at the moment, I'm not in a condition to meet girls at the moment.

 

 

Thanks for your replies by the way.

I want to take you under my wing and protect your broken heart, this is all very sad

Listen, I tried dating too, it made me feel worse. So, don't do it until you are ready.

And when you are, don't compare. No one will ever be her. You will have to embrace

someone new for the different qualities they have to offer. Know what you like, though,

and don't settle for less.

You should be social with friends, family, hangouts. Being around positive people doing things you

enjoy will help. What about video games? Guys can get lost in those for hours, lol

Try not to let your mind wander about who she is with or what she's doing. It doesn't mean she's

happy necessarily. And every relationship has issues. For you to think she will be having fun and

living the high life every day isn't reality.

This is time to build upon yourself, find happiness without her, and believe me if ever you cross paths

again, she will love the new light shining upon you. Even if it's the end forever.

You were holding out for so long that now you have to grieve. Go through the steps. Anger is good,

it will push you forward. The day will come when you won't hate her. I was feeling the same until my recent

ex reached out this week, and suddenly the anger released and I've not lost one nights sleep. That was what I

needed to get me through. I refuse to contact him. If he keeps reaching out, I'll reply. But if not, I'm fine with it.

It took almost three months for this. There's no saying how long it will take, but there is light ahead for you

thru this dark time. Believe in yourself. Value yourself. The strength will come.

That pretty much the mindset I was in when the break up happened, two months ago.

It is a lot more difficult now...

Understandable. It can a roller coaster. I found it got tougher a few months in. Perhaps there is some shock and numbness at the beginning? The intensity you are feeling may be part of the healing process.

I agree with Journeynow..

The initial month or so it the numbness, shock and needing to go into pure survival mode..

When it really kicks in after this stage, the pain sets in.

Am really in it too.

Best of luck!

I guess you are right, meeting her certainly didn’t hell.

Really, the hardest is the thought of her seeing someone else, and having a future with someone else, that’s the most difficult thought for me.

Hi mate,

I am going through exactly this right now.

People always find someone else, it's a fact of life.

The only healer is time. How long has it been so far?

Since the break up? About 3 months

O.K, mine has been almost 2 months.

I knew she was within someone else the whole time (and before).. 2 weeks ago, I found out who it was and when it started.

For you own sake, go No contact and try not to find anything out until you are completely indifferent about it.

That sounds tough man, how did you find out?

I don’t know if she’s with someone now or not, but she’ll probably be in the near future.

Yea I’m definitely non contacting her ever again.

Mutual friend on Facebook mate (admittedly, I had asked him a couple of weeks earlier to keep me informed of anything)..

Then it all became crystal clear...

It just makes you have clarity that whatever you had is dead and that they are no longer "yours".

Need to focus on the negatives of that person, the reason why the relationship didn't work (and that they are/ will be someone else's problem now).

I think I can do this, but what hurts most is the coldness and the lies.

Whilst it does hurt alot, there is nothing else to do but live your life and keep them out of it completely.

Hope it'l get better for you man, just have to find a way to make it work.

The thing is, I don't think I could take her back even if she wanted to. Not after the pain I've experienced in the last couple of days because of her.

I've tried imagining what it would be like, kissing her, and it feels weird.

I just want to get over here as soon as possible.

Understandable. It can a roller coaster. I found it got tougher a few months in. Perhaps there is some shock and numbness at the beginning? The intensity you are feeling may be part of the healing process.

Yes I think this is a good point . In the beginning you are busy processing it all and just trying to get through each day . You are partially in shock . Then when normality sets back in and it hits you that they are no longer there you miss their presence and re adjusting to this single life that you didn’t plan for nor want . The pain I find is not as deep or as gut wrenching a while in but you still experience sadness and loss and grief . I think it’s probably time that just makes the feelings less and less . I do think that some people don’t truly get over someone until they need someone else . I’m not suggesting that is the car for you

How to be at peace with a breakup?

What made you give up/forget about your ex who broke up with you?

-is it hatred towards him or other emotion?

Key word being 'peace,' I opt to r.e.l.a.x. into trust that if the two of us were ever a 'meant-to-be' deal, then we'll meet on higher ground someday. We'll both need to get to that place in our own time and our own ways.

I stay aware of treating myself extra well during this time. I accept grief as natural, but it's not something happening 'to' me--I'm the driver of it. I have occasional bouts with the tissue box, but I project my mind FORward onto things I need to do today instead of drilling myself into a deeper hole by thinking about ex in a present or future state. I avoid self torture.

I trust that my grief and healing are part of growing, and I make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this STRONGER. I don't wallow in romanticism--I trust that my romantic side will return when I'm ready, but I have no use for it while trying to regain my foundation and build myself UP.

Head high, you can do this.

Key word being 'peace,' I opt to r.e.l.a.x. into trust that if the two of us were ever a 'meant-to-be' deal, then we'll meet on higher ground someday. We'll both need to get to that place in our own time and our own ways.

 

I stay aware of treating myself extra well during this time. I accept grief as natural, but it's not something happening 'to' me--I'm the driver of it. I have occasional bouts with the tissue box, but I project my mind FORward onto things I need to do today instead of drilling myself into a deeper hole by thinking about ex in a present or future state. I avoid self torture.

 

I trust that my grief and healing are part of growing, and I make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this STRONGER. I don't wallow in romanticism--I trust that my romantic side will return when I'm ready, but I have no use for it while trying to regain my foundation and build myself UP.

 

Head high, you can do this.

Thanks! Your outlook on life is a good one.

“I avoid self torture” is a great point, it’s almost like a drug isn’t it?

Really difficult to stay away from this.

Unfortunately, for me, I don’t believe in “meant to be” or “not meant to be”.

Thanks! Your outlook on life is a good one.

“I avoid self torture” is a great point, it’s almost like a drug isn’t it?

Really difficult to stay away from this.

 

Unfortunately, for me, I don’t believe in “meant to be” or “not meant to be”.

I think things are "meant to be" when the relationship is working or we can make it work. Sometimes a time comes when nothing can be done, two people used up all of their ideas, but they still weren't happy together, even though they loved each other. Relationship should involve work, but that work should be doable. A relationship that is "meant to be" is something we chose for ourselves, of course, not something chosen by a destiny. But relationship shouldn't feel so forced.

If you already let your ex know that you're willing to do whatever it takes to save your relationship, but still she couldn't do that, it means it's beyond your power. There's no option but to let go, and one day you will be in a relationship that has hope and future. But always in the moment of loving someone it seems impossible that we will love someone else as much again...

It will take a lot of time for this pain to go away. From what you wrote, it seems that she's in pain too, but just can't see you two working together. All there is to hope that this pain will disappear one day, for you both, that both of you will move on. This is a good thing. You wish it could be possible for you two to be together, but if that's not possible, I know you don't really want her to grow old in sadness and never date anyone after you, never fall in love again. If you can't be happy together, you have to find a way to be happy apart. But it will take a lot of time. In the meantime, all you can do is to remember there's more to life than this pain.

I guess you are right, meeting her certainly didn’t hell.

Really, the hardest is the thought of her seeing someone else, and having a future with someone else, that’s the most difficult thought for me.

What I find helps is looking at your thoughts . She is more than likely not with someone right now and if in the future she goes out dating again it doesn’t mean she will be so much happier or her life will be absolutely amazing . She might even compare these guys to the time she had with you . I don’t know the details of your breakup but quite often people go through the same patterns again that eventually lead to another breakup . Yes down the line in the future she may meet someone that she wants a proper relationship with but by that stage you may not care believe it or not . It doesn’t appear like that now but you will reach a time when you don’t care so why torture yourself with that now . There is also a possibility that you will meet someone else as well that you have a satisfying relationship with

Spot on Pto!