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Thread: Girlfriend doesn't take my anxiety issues seriously

  1. #1

    Girlfriend doesn't take my anxiety issues seriously

    Let's call her X.

    I have severe anxiety issues, specially regarding the people I care about. Which is why I tell her to notify me whenever she goes anywhere. She can do whatever she wants, no boundations, but she should just drop a message. If she's getting late to call, she just has to send a message, and I'll wait. All this is because my anxiety has messed up my head, and I care for her a bit too much and often think the worst when she doesn't pick my calls on time. Not that she's cheating on me worse, but she may not be okay kind of worse.

    I have been trying to tell this for about 18 months now. She always keeps forgetting it, and when I get upset because of it, she just acts like it is no big deal. Sure, it may not be a big deal for her. But what about me?
    Can't someone do only this much for the person they love? just drop a simple message?

    Stuff like this makes me mad, then we fight, then my anxiety kicks in, saying that she will probably leave me like everyone else has, and I will die alone, and I just get worse with every passing moment. I often do not sleep at night, and now I have gone for about 60 hours without sleep due to my anxiety.

    How do I convince her that it is important to me? I know it may not be that big a deal for her, but it is for me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    You can't put your issues on to your partner. These are YOUR ISSUES to work out. It's not her job. You can ask for support. But it's up to you to deal with your anxiety and insecurity.

    updating your partner about where you are all the time isn't a rational expectation.

  3. #3
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    Are you seeking help for your anxiety ? You are putting a lot of pressure on your gf to work around your issues.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    If she accommodates to your insecurities (instead of you overcoming them) then she's just reinforcing them.
    What are you doing to correct this problem, outside of making it hers to deal with?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    As simple as this request seems to you, it is not so simple to her.

    As simple as it seems to her that she can travel without making periodic texts all day long, it does not seem simple to you.

    You two are at an impasse. No, she is not obligated to do this thing you've characterized as easy and yet after 18 months isn't happening -- so it isn't easy, is it?

    You need to accept each other as-is. If your anxiety is who you are, then your concerns are rational to you. You do not need to be freed of the anxiety. Instead, accept that part of yourself. When you feel anxious, accept it and ride it out. That is your responsibility for being who you are.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Handle your own ****. It's not her job to placate your insecurities.

  8. #7
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    Yeah that is not an ok thing to demand from your partner. Do YOU update her on everywhere you go? I mean, literally everywhere?? If not, you are also a hypocrite, thinking you can hold her to a double standard. I'm not saying you should have to update someone on your whereabouts at all times (no one should unless you're on parol) but to expect a person to do something and even you aren't doing it looks bad. You're treating her like a criminal who just got out of jail.

    If you requested that she tells you about extended/out of the area visits or vacations, then that's normal. For every place she goes...you have issues she should not have to deal with. If you are losing sleep and feeling highly anxious about this, you really need to see a therapist. This is not normal.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by yatsue
    Yeah that is not an ok thing to demand from your partner. Do YOU update her on everywhere you go? I mean, literally everywhere?? If not, you are also a hypocrite, thinking you can hold her to a double standard. I'm not saying you should have to update someone on your whereabouts at all times (no one should unless you're on parol) but to expect a person to do something and even you aren't doing it looks bad. You're treating her like a criminal who just got out of jail.

    If you requested that she tells you about extended/out of the area visits or vacations, then that's normal. For every place she goes...you have issues she should not have to deal with. If you are losing sleep and feeling highly anxious about this, you really need to see a therapist. This is not normal.
    I disagree that each needs to treat the other the same; rather, each according to each ones capacity.

  10. #9
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    Are you on meds?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry but having to report to you may come off as controlling. Anyone would rebel when someone tries to put such a tight leash on them, regardless of the rationale. She should not have to suffer through this when it's your responsibility to get appropriate treatment and management of it.
    Originally Posted by OneIndianGuy
    I tell her to notify me whenever she goes anywhere. I have been trying to tell this for about 18 months now. Stuff like this makes me mad, then we fight, then my anxiety kicks in, saying that she will probably leave me like everyone else has, and I will die alone, and I just get worse with every passing moment.

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