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Thread: What do you love (or miss) about being single?

  1. #1
    Reflections11
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    What do you love (or miss) about being single?

    I've been single for way too long, and honestly, I've been feeling really frustrated about it. I've felt like I'm one of the only single people left in a world where everyone foudn a partner but me. I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me for being single.

    I'm working on changing all of that. My self esteem is coming up. My self love is rising. I'm gradually realizing that there is nothing wrong with me, I'm a great person!

    And i've resisted my singleness for so long. But it's something I don't have a lot of control over at the moment, unless I want to jump into the wrong relationship just for the sake of being single (which i dont!)

    So I'm trying to work on accepting, embracing, and loving being single. If there's not much I can do to change it, I might as well shift my perspective and learn to love it!

    This is a big shift for me and will take some time to really start feeling, and so I could use the help from many of you out there!!! What do you love, or miss, about being single?

    I'm struggling a bit to get started with this, and that's ok. I'm sure it will pick up momentum as I learn to be happier with my life.

    One thing that I can think of is the freedom. The freedom to go where I want, do what I want, and also to avoid what I don't want. I understand this intellectually, though I don't quite feel the joy in this freedom yet. But with time I hope I will learn to appreciate that a bit more.

    Another is that nobody is there to make me feel bad about myself, so my self esteem is pretty high. Yes, I'm aware that a good relationship is probably amazing for self esteem, but I'm looking for anything I can get right now lol. And I'm remembering, a lifetime ago, how absolutely terrible a guy made me feel about myself before he walked out of my life. Nothing I did was ever good enough, everything I said was always wrong. So right now I can work on embracing the fact that I don't feel chained to somebody who makes me feel bad about myself.

    It's not much, but it's a start. Baby steps!!! My goal is to release the resistance, to learn to love and embrace my single life!

    Can you guys help? What is something you love about single? Or if you arent single anymore, even if your relationship is great, what is something good about being single that you miss, something that I could be appreciating a bit more of right now??

    Thanks for your help!!!!

  2. #2
    Batya33
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    I miss nothing about being single but sometimes I miss the space I had being childless - now I mostly have "pressured alone time" (to coin a Faraday phrase -love that phrase!) - and I get stressed when I feel like I don't have time to use the restroom in peace, or have toast that is still warm because of the "can I" from my son, etc. I didn't know I had that space actually until it was taken away lol. But this is only sometimes - and more rarely. I chose these blessings and most of the time it feels like I won the lottery. I personally feel freer being married because when I was single I felt restricted in how I spent my free time -i.e. if I wasn't spending it dating or looking for a husband!

    I miss taking the time to do my hair/put on makeup/accessorize/dress nicely. I wasn't a big fashion person at all or into wearing lots of makeup but it's that basic added self-care that really has to go by the wayside much of the time. I do insist on keeping slim and fit and healthy and I take that time - and am very territorial over it - to get daily exercise and eat as properly as possible.

    Sometimes I miss going out at night - too tired these days and too busy getting stuff done at home, at night - I spent many years doing regular nights on the town, lots of cultural events, etc - so I feel like I got my fill of it in one sense. If I wasn't getting up at 6 or earlier every morning I'd probably go out on my own or get a sitter and go out (I didn't drink/get drunk or party in that sense but I went to lots of places where people did and danced up a storm).

    Good luck in enjoying just living and being healthy and active - it's a wonderful thing, relationship or no (I got married at 42 so I had plenty of single life experiences!)

  3. #3
    Krankor
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    1.) You can come and go as you please. You spend your days off doing whatever you want and never have to get dragged to some event as the "And Guest."

    2.) You completely call the shots as far as your finances go. Spend (or save/invest) your money as you see fit.

    3.) You can set goals for yourself and work on them unfettered. Even a healthy relationship can sometimes sabotage you in certain ways.

    4.) You come home to peace and quiet. You can come home after work and relax rather than having someone vomiting his/her needs and wants all over you.

    5.) Your space is your space to make exactly how you want it. I'm not relegated to some "man cave." My whole house is my man cave.

    6.) What do you want to watch tonight? Guess what; that's what you're watching. What do you want for dinner? Guess what; that's what you're having for dinner.

    I could go on and on. When I got out of a bad, suffocating relationship several years ago I really reveled in these things. Lately, honestly they haven't been bringing me as much happiness, but I think that's largely because my last two relationships were ones that I didn't want to see end, at least not when they did. This was kind of a good reminder to me to take advantage of being single. I'd like to find someone again, but, in the meantime I really need to remember that life really isn't so bad on the single side and to live it up while I can.

  4. #4
    Jeffbobo
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    I’ve found that the best relationships that I’ve had are with women who are perfectly happy doing what their own single thing and don’t feel the need to be around me constantly. They may want that but don’t need it. In those relationships, quality time is stressed over quantity. That way, I get to enjoy my single time, minus the “single and seeing other women part” of course lol. I have kids at home as well so that furthers the “quality over quantity” aspect.

  5. #5
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Watching whatever I want on TV. For 25 years I have had to wait until he goes to bed or just commandeer the TV .

  6. #6
    Reflections11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 [Register to see the link]
    I miss nothing about being single but sometimes I miss the space I had being childless - now I mostly have "pressured alone time" (to coin a Faraday phrase -love that phrase!) - and I get stressed when I feel like I don't have time to use the restroom in peace, or have toast that is still warm because of the "can I" from my son, etc. I didn't know I had that space actually until it was taken away lol. But this is only sometimes - and more rarely. I chose these blessings and most of the time it feels like I won the lottery. I personally feel freer being married because when I was single I felt restricted in how I spent my free time -i.e. if I wasn't spending it dating or looking for a husband!

    I miss taking the time to do my hair/put on makeup/accessorize/dress nicely. I wasn't a big fashion person at all or into wearing lots of makeup but it's that basic added self-care that really has to go by the wayside much of the time. I do insist on keeping slim and fit and healthy and I take that time - and am very territorial over it - to get daily exercise and eat as properly as possible.

    Sometimes I miss going out at night - too tired these days and too busy getting stuff done at home, at night - I spent many years doing regular nights on the town, lots of cultural events, etc - so I feel like I got my fill of it in one sense. If I wasn't getting up at 6 or earlier every morning I'd probably go out on my own or get a sitter and go out (I didn't drink/get drunk or party in that sense but I went to lots of places where people did and danced up a storm).

    Good luck in enjoying just living and being healthy and active - it's a wonderful thing, relationship or no (I got married at 42 so I had plenty of single life experiences!)
    Thank you!!! I guess you don't actually have to MISS being single, just help me see the positives that I'm overlooking. I do love my alone space, and having had a roommate until recently, I can have extra appreciation for this.

    Another way to embrace my single life is embrace going out at night, as you mentioned. I didn't think of this. It's tricky, because when you are single it starts to get frustrating if you start going out hoping to find someone. But if I go out at nights just to enjoy my freedom, that is awesome. And next time I go out at night I will remind myself that an awesome part of being single is that I get to go out at night!

    Also, I think it is wonderful to hear that you got married at 42 and had plenty of single life. I'm 33 and have been single most of my life. It's nice to hear success stories later and know that I still have time

    Thank you!

  7. #7
    Reflections11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krankor [Register to see the link]
    1.) You can come and go as you please. You spend your days off doing whatever you want and never have to get dragged to some event as the "And Guest."

    2.) You completely call the shots as far as your finances go. Spend (or save/invest) your money as you see fit.

    3.) You can set goals for yourself and work on them unfettered. Even a healthy relationship can sometimes sabotage you in certain ways.

    4.) You come home to peace and quiet. You can come home after work and relax rather than having someone vomiting his/her needs and wants all over you.

    5.) Your space is your space to make exactly how you want it. I'm not relegated to some "man cave." My whole house is my man cave.

    6.) What do you want to watch tonight? Guess what; that's what you're watching. What do you want for dinner? Guess what; that's what you're having for dinner.

    I could go on and on. When I got out of a bad, suffocating relationship several years ago I really reveled in these things. Lately, honestly they haven't been bringing me as much happiness, but I think that's largely because my last two relationships were ones that I didn't want to see end, at least not when they did. This was kind of a good reminder to me to take advantage of being single. I'd like to find someone again, but, in the meantime I really need to remember that life really isn't so bad on the single side and to live it up while I can.
    You are right! I have a lot of control and freedom. Control over what I want to spend my free time doing. Freedom and freetime to pursue my personal goals (I have a lot of them). And its' hard enough to pursue goals just with the obligations of life when im single. Let alone having someone else's obligations. Control and freedom to make my apartment my own place.

    As for the afterwork needs vomiting, my last roommate was very emotional and she did that every day after work. And we weren't even in a relationship! So I already appreciate it!

    I guess some actions I can take away from this is....

    1. Remember when I'm pursuing personal goals that it is easier because I'm single.
    2. Enjoy a night of watching whatever I want and eating wahtever I want for dinner!
    3. Enjoy setting up my new home exactly as I want.

    Thank you!!!

  8. #8
    Reflections11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~ [Register to see the link]
    Watching whatever I want on TV. For 25 years I have had to wait until he goes to bed or just commandeer the TV .
    Next time I binge netflix I will remind myself that being single means I can watch whatever I want whenever I want!
    Thank you!

  9. #9
    Batya33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reflections11 [Register to see the link]
    Thank you!!! I guess you don't actually have to MISS being single, just help me see the positives that I'm overlooking. I do love my alone space, and having had a roommate until recently, I can have extra appreciation for this.

    Another way to embrace my single life is embrace going out at night, as you mentioned. I didn't think of this. It's tricky, because when you are single it starts to get frustrating if you start going out hoping to find someone. But if I go out at nights just to enjoy my freedom, that is awesome. And next time I go out at night I will remind myself that an awesome part of being single is that I get to go out at night!

    Also, I think it is wonderful to hear that you got married at 42 and had plenty of single life. I'm 33 and have been single most of my life. It's nice to hear success stories later and know that I still have time

    Thank you!
    I just don't relate to the concept of "freedom" as in presuming that single people all have more freedom than married people - I don't think it's generally true. For you it is true -you see it as "freedom" to come and go when you please - but that means you would see it as a loss of freedom to check in with a partner as to your comings and goings (depending on the relationship and what boundaries you have). I wouldn't presume that single people have more "freedom" or that couples have less "freedom" - it's a very individual thing. Being a parent is a bit different in the sense that if you cannot find or afford an appropriate caregiver, then you cannot go out and leave your young child all alone and then you are not free to run to the store to get snack cakes at 9pm because you have an urge for them - you then have to have them delivered lol (and you are not free to eat them in your child's presence without sharing but it feels very freeing to sneak, lol).

    I didn't want plenty of single life. It was painful and I got in my own way, I was terrified of never having the opportunity to conceive a child, of never having a spouse. But I actually did enjoy being single -I had a fun fulfilling life despite what I just wrote. And my desperation to marry subsided in my 30s -not because I gave up or anything -I just gained in confidence and had far more of my own life to be satisfied with and enjoy . But I never ever tried to convince myself that being single had benefits over being married/having a family. It did not for me. I understand others feel differently.

  10. #10
    Pleasedonot5
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    I like not having to be accountable to anyone but myself. I like being able to go to a dance venue and get a girl's number if we clicked. I like that I'm the attractive "up-and-coming," available guy who many women want. And I like the extra time I have to work on myself.

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