She's not sure about the whole situation. What does she mean and what to reply?

Had to fantastic dates, she showed every sign from touching, laughing, asking questions, talking a lot, getting to know me. The date ended well and we were passionately kissing, she was in a great mood, etc.

However after the second date on Friday, I waited until Sunday to reach out to her asking her out on another date. I got no reply.

I waited until Wednesday morning to text and I said “I’ll be silly and send this as I’m guessing from your silence you don’t want to continue dating, which is fine but I had a lot of fun getting to know you and if I am wrong, I’d like that to continue as I felt we had a connection. I’d like to take you out again, without all the walking this time (Maybe you can borrow my size 12 clown feet boots for emergencies). If not, no worries x”.

She replied in the afternoon with “Hey! I'm really sorry, I meant to text you but I've been poorly. I do really like you and we did have a connection but I just found it a bit weird that you would never text me, especially like the day after a date. I know it might seem a bit fussy but it just makes me feel like you aren't really arsed x”

I replied the following morning with "Hey, sorry for the late reply as I've had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I'm hoping you're not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you're feeling much better too and if you're feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x".

I didn't get a reply, so I called later in the evening.

She sent me a text saying "Sorry I wasn't ignoring you before I was driving home. I do like and I did enjoy our dates but I'm just not sure about the whole situation to be honest x".

What does she mean and how should I reply?

Hmm....Is she one of those people who needs to text 24/7?

Good grief.....Run Forest! Ruuuuuuun! Her psycho is showing....already......

I think your Wednesday morning text may have been a mistake, honestly. As much as you tried to play it cool with that text I think that a little bit of poutiness over her not texting you back came through. I'm not saying that you blew it at that moment; who knows?

What is pretty clear, however, is that she's giving you the brush off. She spoke in the past tense about the "connection" you had and now isn't "sure about the situation to be honest" which is pretty much code for "This just isn't going to happen." Maybe she's been also seeing another guy and is feeling it more with him, maybe she's feeling like you are trying to push things too fast, maybe she really did just lose interest because you didn't text her back fast enough (I doubt that one), maybe she liked you but something in her gut is telling her you aren't the guy for her, maybe a lot of things.

What I would just do is say "OK. Well if you ever feel like another date you have my number." Then leave it at that and move on.

Hmm....Is she one of those people who needs to text 24/7?

After date 1 I text her the day after and she replied back after a few hours and we set up a second date. Then we went four days without contact until I text her "Hope you're having a good week. See you tomorrow". She didn't reply until 2 hours before the date asking if we're still on for 6, I had a friend waiting incase she wasn't going to show.

After date 2, instead of texting her the following day, I waited until the day after when I wasn't busy so I could call her. I run a store and it was black friday weekend, so that day was too busy to do anything. By the time I left work, I felt it was too late to call her (being a Saturday night). I could have text her, and should have, but I wanted to show the confidence in calling.

I called on the Sunday and got no response, so I left her a text asking if she was free to meet the following Friday at (location) at 7. That I had discovered something fun and it involved much less walking.

I got no reply and sent the text I did on Wednesday morning.

I think your Wednesday morning text may have been a mistake, honestly. As much as you tried to play it cool with that text I think that a little bit of poutiness over her not texting you back came through. I'm not saying that you blew it at that moment; who knows?

 

What is pretty clear, however, is that she's giving you the brush off. She spoke in the past tense about the "connection" you had and now isn't "sure about the situation to be honest" which is pretty much code for "This just isn't going to happen." Maybe she's been also seeing another guy and is feeling it more with him, maybe she's feeling like you are trying to push things too fast, maybe she really did just lose interest because you didn't text her back fast enough (I doubt that one), maybe she liked you but something in her gut is telling her you aren't the guy for her, maybe a lot of things.

 

What I would just do is say "OK. Well if you ever feel like another date you have my number." Then leave it at that and move on.

On the date, she showed every sign of attraction in the book. I did have a gut there was another guy as she was online on POF between our dates, as was I. When I asked when she was free for date #2, she mentioned Saturday and then a day later asked if we could switch it to Friday. I instantly thought she had another date.

She would also take hours to respond, sometimes a whole day at times.

I think it's a bit of everything. There probably was another guy, she's a good looking girl.. but with my Wednesday morning text and my text today, might have pushed things too fast.

In future I'll avoid that and if I get no reply, I'll leave it a few days then reinitiate as if nothing has happened. Like you said, I think she sensed that I reacted to her not replying as I evidently said "I'm guessing from your silence". I also put a "serious tone" to it as well after two dates when I should have remained playful, my mistake. From now on I'll stay playful and avoid being serious.

I decided to reply "Okay, good luck. If you change your mind you have my number". I won't wait around, but is there a chance that backing off like this is the best remedy after making the mistakes I made? (Assuming there isn't another guy in the picture).

Dude, don't over complicate this. You had a couple of good dates....from YOUR perspective...clearly not quite hers. Two people on a date can actually have very different experiences and opinions about it, don't forget that. You asked for another date within a perfectly reasonable time, you got silence in return. That was your clue that she isn't interested and you really really should have left it at that. However, on Wed you pretty much begged....she responded....by making up some bs excuse and shooting you down. So now you stop. You didn't make any mistakes other than not accepting her silence as the rejection it was. Accept her rejection now and save what remains of your dignity. She is not interested.

Also, please spare yourself the pop-psych babble. The only way you know she is into you is because she is responsive and thrilled to see you again. This one isn't.

Dude, don't over complicate this. You had a couple of good dates....from YOUR perspective...clearly not quite hers. Two people on a date can actually have very different experiences and opinions about it, don't forget that. You asked for another date within a perfectly reasonable time, you got silence in return. That was your clue that she isn't interested and you really really should have left it at that. However, on Wed you pretty much begged....she responded....by making up some bs excuse and shooting you down. So now you stop. You didn't make any mistakes other than not accepting her silence as the rejection it was. Accept her rejection now and save what remains of your dignity. She is not interested.

 

Also, please spare yourself the pop-psych babble. The only way you know she is into you is because she is responsive and thrilled to see you again. This one isn't.

Yeah, I guess. But she showed every sign of interest like playfully hitting me, touching me a LOT, kissing my face off both times, allowing me to kiss her randomly halfway through the dates, asking a lot of questions about me, even when talking about my job she was like "No, no, go on.. I'm really intrigued. What do you do specifically in your job?" etc. She'd have to wear a neon sign to show any more interest.

This is why I'm confused she isn't interested in seeing me again. If this has happened on other dates, I can usually pinpoint out why because they were average/decent dates.

Did it really sound like I was begging? This wasn't what I wanted to portray. I could say this is the reason she started running away, but she started doing that the moment I asked her out on Sunday.

Anyway, I said "Okay, good luck. If you change your mind you have my number" so it leaves it on an open note. I also deleted her number and conversation to avoid texting.

Run!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drama and high maintenance.

I can see her position if you had slept together, but it was a kiss. Good Lord!

Run!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drama and high maintenance.

 

I can see her position if you had slept together, but it was a kiss. Good Lord!

Yeah, I'd fully understand that if we had sex. It could've been seen as "pump and dump" or using her for sex.

You're not the first to suggest high maintenance, think I dodged a bullet.

Wow it sounds like you weren't following her rules to her texting game right. Three wrong texts and you're out!

Yeah you dodged a major bullet!

Weird how others have to play games in dating but the game is one sided, like you didn't receive her instruction Manuel or something.

I'm sorry you went through that.

At least now on to better fish on that website.

Lisa

Wow it sounds like you weren't following her rules to her texting game right. Three wrong texts and you're out!

 

Yeah you dodged a major bullet!

 

Weird how others have to play games in dating but the game is one sided, like you didn't receive her instruction Manuel or something.

 

I'm sorry you went through that.

 

At least now on to better fish on that website.

 

Lisa

I seem to be getting mixed opinions elsewhere about texting her after the date. We had a date Friday night but I got in touch with her Sunday afternoon. She mentioned she thought it was a bit weird how I didn't text after the date, and that it felt to her that I didn't really seem bothered. Is that really enough to put a woman off?! When I contacted her, I asked her out again. Surely that shows I'm bothered.

Some women. Not all.

She apparently expects you to act like a couple before you actually are. Why is that? Who knows.

I agree you dodged a bullet. Onward and upward!

On the date, she showed every sign of attraction in the book. I did have a gut there was another guy as she was online on POF between our dates, as was I. When I asked when she was free for date #2, she mentioned Saturday and then a day later asked if we could switch it to Friday. I instantly thought she had another date.

 

She would also take hours to respond, sometimes a whole day at times.

 

I think it's a bit of everything. There probably was another guy, she's a good looking girl.. but with my Wednesday morning text and my text today, might have pushed things too fast.

 

In future I'll avoid that and if I get no reply, I'll leave it a few days then reinitiate as if nothing has happened. Like you said, I think she sensed that I reacted to her not replying as I evidently said "I'm guessing from your silence". I also put a "serious tone" to it as well after two dates when I should have remained playful, my mistake. From now on I'll stay playful and avoid being serious.

 

I decided to reply "Okay, good luck. If you change your mind you have my number". I won't wait around, but is there a chance that backing off like this is the best remedy after making the mistakes I made? (Assuming there isn't another guy in the picture).

Common dating wisdom is that you can regain someone's interest by backing off. And, in my experience there is some truth to that. But more often than not when someone decides they aren't into you that's kind of where it stays regardless of what you do afterwards. So, yes, it's POSSIBLE that she'll rethink things, but it's not likely and I wouldn't hold my breath. But backing off is the best course of action just for your own sense of pride and dignity.

It's happened to me more than once in which a woman was really interested and then just cooled off all of a sudden and without explanation. It's hard to say why exactly; whether it was something I did or not. All I know is that women can be fickle creatures. So can men, I'm sure, but I don't have any experience with that.

She does indeed have your number if she wants to contact you again; you left things exactly where you should have. Likely you won't hear from her again but that's OK. Hold your head up and move on to something else.

I seem to be getting mixed opinions elsewhere about texting her after the date. We had a date Friday night but I got in touch with her Sunday afternoon. She mentioned she thought it was a bit weird how I didn't text after the date, and that it felt to her that I didn't really seem bothered. Is that really enough to put a woman off?! When I contacted her, I asked her out again. Surely that shows I'm bothered.

JMO, but what she said about your not being bothered cause you didn't text the next day, this is called "flipping the script," aka gaslighting.

No a girl who is into you, really into you, is NOT gonna lose interest cause you didn't contact her for a day and a half. Come on now.

She might feel anxious/insecure, but IF there was genuine interest, a connection, no that does not go away cause you didn't text the next day.

This is an excuse. Not proud to admit this, but in younger days, like early 20s, have done it myself.

I was too cowardly to say I wasn't into it anymore so would attempt to flip it around and use one very minor thing, like him not calling the next day for example, or something equally lame, as a way to justify dumping him and letting HIM take the blame.

I think it's time you not be bothered anymore, for real!

This girl is a master manipulator and has got you jumping through hoops, if not physically then mentally.

Please stop. You're thinking/acting foolish, seriously.

Next.

OP, re her showing interest on the date, please understand that in these very early stages, women's feelings can be very fluid.

I think this why women are often called fickle.

It's happened to me a few times. Thought i was really into the guy, and acted like it, but after a few dates, felt differently.

There was no rhyme or reason for it, it's just the nature of the game so to speak.

That said, when I have felt a true connection with a man, a certain chemistry/energy if you will, my feelings have not changed.

But that is very very rare.

Stop focusing on how she "was" acting on date, and instead focus on how she "IS" acting NOW.

Which is not interested. Sorry.

My guess is she met someone else who has piqued her interest, but that's just speculation.

Sounds like she wasn't all that interested so she found an excuse to let you down easy. I've done the exact same thing except mine was 'oh you didn't confirm the date, sorry I'm not looking for a flaky guy.' Whether it's coming up with lame excuses or ghosting, unfortunately it happens.

I doubt she's crazy, in fact it always troubles me how quickly people, especially other women are to call each other 'crazy'. She can have any standard she wants, her time, her dating life. She wasn't interested and that's ok, on to the next

Don't let attraction or insecurity cloud your judgement. If her excuse is real, that you didn't text according to her standards, that is a clear sign that she is a controlling drama queen who would only accept dangling you like a yo-yo. Terrible, terrible excuse. The fact that she even replied that way tells me that she is someone to run away from very fast.

Second, your Wednesday text was too heavy for the beginning stages. Getting hit with something like that after just a few dates would end things for most people. That's not saying you can change anything with her. Again, run away fast. But in the future with other women, use texting for light interaction such as "Hey, I haven't heard back from you. Last weekend was fun and it would be great to plan something for this weekend." If ignored, you know to move on. If she replies in a good way, set up plans.

Third, lots of posts on this site about "great" dates that the person ghosts afterwards. Happens all the time. Some people enjoy living in the moment but don't want anything more. Some people are really good at social interaction which is mistaken for more. In other words, your perception is not anyone else's. Go on the philosophy that a good dating relationship worth pursing is one that goes smoothly without drama or needless guessing games.

@figureitout, again not proud to admit but used that excuse too.

When the truth is, had I been really into him, I would have waited for him to confirm (or gasp, confirmed myself lol) and had a great time with him!

@fmfan, just wanted to clarify that when a man and I feel that "connection" on first date, I love when he contacts me next day. Hell I would love it if he texted/called an hour after our date ended!

That's how it is when really into a guy.

However, if he waited a couple of days, I may be wondering, but it would not affect my interest level. Again assuming I felt that chemistry/connection with him.

That said, agree with James about *being in the moment*, flirting, showing enthusiasm and then waking up and feeling differently.

It might go against common sense, but I sometimes judge how into me a man is by how he acts in between dates.

In your case, you waited a day and a half and when you texted you asked her out!

That is showing genuine interest and personally I would have been thrilled with that.

I would imagine any woman with even a modicum of interest would be too.

Best to move on from this one fmfan.

Ok, sorry to hear this. It sounds like no matter how you could have played this, she is just backing out...maybe dating around...who knows.

I called on the Sunday and got no response, so I left her a text asking if she was free to meet the following Friday at (location) at 7. That I had discovered something fun and it involved much less walking. I got no reply and sent the text I did on Wednesday morning.

I don't see any "begging", that's a bit exaggerated. I think you handled it pretty nicely and mature. Yes, you could of took her silence and not text her again but you are HUMAN...also could of would of should of. When we enjoy time with someone we like to pursue it again. It didn't work out, but atleast you can say you tried. But I agree with the people that are saying leave her alone. Even if you guys do pursue things further, it seems like she won't be able to handle your hectic schedule and will play these little games of not responding to "get back at you" or whine.

Thanks guys, you made a whole lot of sense

I kept having thoughts running through my mind today, what if I text her the day after then things would be different, how did she act so interested in me then became distant, etc.

But I did have a feeling she was waiting me to slip on something and use that as an excuse. Shame because we really did click in person, our banter bounced off each other, the kissing felt genuine and so on. Someone else suggested she might just be a serial dater and enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone and first dates. Her quote on her dating profile was "Looking for someone so I can stop going on first dates".

Her profile wasn't really detailed either. I think I'm going to target dating profiles with effort put into them as they're most likely the ones to look for something serious.

Thanks guys, you made a whole lot of sense

 

I kept having thoughts running through my mind today, what if I text her the day after then things would be different, how did she act so interested in me then became distant, etc.

 

But I did have a feeling she was waiting me to slip on something and use that as an excuse. Shame because we really did click in person, our banter bounced off each other, the kissing felt genuine and so on. Someone else suggested she might just be a serial dater and enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone and first dates. Her quote on her dating profile was "Looking for someone so I can stop going on first dates".

 

Her profile wasn't really detailed either. I think I'm going to target dating profiles with effort put into them as they're most likely the ones to look for something serious.

That's the spirit! And try not to overthink it too much. NOTHING would of prevented this, this is simply a person showing their character. And if she wasn't interest oh well her lost.

I don't know what site yall on but hopefully a paid one. Most people not all on websites like tinder, POF, Okcupid tend to be less serious about actually dating and do it for an ego boost.

I don't know what site yall on but hopefully a paid one. Most people not all on websites like tinder, POF, Okcupid tend to be less serious about actually dating and do it for an ego boost.

Had a couple of decent relationships from POF but every other one doesn't get past date #2. Might check out the paid ones though.