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Thread: She's not sure about the whole situation. What does she mean and what to reply?

  1. #1
    fmfan08
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    She's not sure about the whole situation. What does she mean and what to reply?

    Had to fantastic dates, she showed every sign from touching, laughing, asking questions, talking a lot, getting to know me. The date ended well and we were passionately kissing, she was in a great mood, etc.

    However after the second date on Friday, I waited until Sunday to reach out to her asking her out on another date. I got no reply.

    I waited until Wednesday morning to text and I said Ill be silly and send this as Im guessing from your silence you dont want to continue dating, which is fine but I had a lot of fun getting to know you and if I am wrong, Id like that to continue as I felt we had a connection. Id like to take you out again, without all the walking this time (Maybe you can borrow my size 12 clown feet boots for emergencies). If not, no worries x.

    She replied in the afternoon with Hey! I'm really sorry, I meant to text you but I've been poorly. I do really like you and we did have a connection but I just found it a bit weird that you would never text me, especially like the day after a date. I know it might seem a bit fussy but it just makes me feel like you aren't really arsed x

    I replied the following morning with "Hey, sorry for the late reply as I've had a lot on at work with an official visit, which I had to get right! I wanted to wait until I was free to call you so I could hear that voice of yours instead of sending it as a text. I like you and I'm hoping you're not put off by this and got the wrong impression of me. I hope you're feeling much better too and if you're feeling up for it, we could go out this weekend? x".

    I didn't get a reply, so I called later in the evening.

    She sent me a text saying "Sorry I wasn't ignoring you before I was driving home. I do like and I did enjoy our dates but I'm just not sure about the whole situation to be honest x".

    What does she mean and how should I reply?

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
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    Hmm....Is she one of those people who needs to text 24/7?

  3. #3
    DancingFool
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    Good grief.....Run Forest! Ruuuuuuun! Her psycho is showing....already......

  4. #4
    Krankor
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    I think your Wednesday morning text may have been a mistake, honestly. As much as you tried to play it cool with that text I think that a little bit of poutiness over her not texting you back came through. I'm not saying that you blew it at that moment; who knows?

    What is pretty clear, however, is that she's giving you the brush off. She spoke in the past tense about the "connection" you had and now isn't "sure about the situation to be honest" which is pretty much code for "This just isn't going to happen." Maybe she's been also seeing another guy and is feeling it more with him, maybe she's feeling like you are trying to push things too fast, maybe she really did just lose interest because you didn't text her back fast enough (I doubt that one), maybe she liked you but something in her gut is telling her you aren't the guy for her, maybe a lot of things.

    What I would just do is say "OK. Well if you ever feel like another date you have my number." Then leave it at that and move on.

  5. #5
    fmfan08
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiseman2 [Register to see the link]
    Hmm....Is she one of those people who needs to text 24/7?
    After date 1 I text her the day after and she replied back after a few hours and we set up a second date. Then we went four days without contact until I text her "Hope you're having a good week. See you tomorrow". She didn't reply until 2 hours before the date asking if we're still on for 6, I had a friend waiting incase she wasn't going to show.

    After date 2, instead of texting her the following day, I waited until the day after when I wasn't busy so I could call her. I run a store and it was black friday weekend, so that day was too busy to do anything. By the time I left work, I felt it was too late to call her (being a Saturday night). I could have text her, and should have, but I wanted to show the confidence in calling.

    I called on the Sunday and got no response, so I left her a text asking if she was free to meet the following Friday at (location) at 7. That I had discovered something fun and it involved much less walking.

    I got no reply and sent the text I did on Wednesday morning.

  6. #6
    fmfan08
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krankor [Register to see the link]
    I think your Wednesday morning text may have been a mistake, honestly. As much as you tried to play it cool with that text I think that a little bit of poutiness over her not texting you back came through. I'm not saying that you blew it at that moment; who knows?

    What is pretty clear, however, is that she's giving you the brush off. She spoke in the past tense about the "connection" you had and now isn't "sure about the situation to be honest" which is pretty much code for "This just isn't going to happen." Maybe she's been also seeing another guy and is feeling it more with him, maybe she's feeling like you are trying to push things too fast, maybe she really did just lose interest because you didn't text her back fast enough (I doubt that one), maybe she liked you but something in her gut is telling her you aren't the guy for her, maybe a lot of things.

    What I would just do is say "OK. Well if you ever feel like another date you have my number." Then leave it at that and move on.
    On the date, she showed every sign of attraction in the book. I did have a gut there was another guy as she was online on POF between our dates, as was I. When I asked when she was free for date #2, she mentioned Saturday and then a day later asked if we could switch it to Friday. I instantly thought she had another date.

    She would also take hours to respond, sometimes a whole day at times.

    I think it's a bit of everything. There probably was another guy, she's a good looking girl.. but with my Wednesday morning text and my text today, might have pushed things too fast.

    In future I'll avoid that and if I get no reply, I'll leave it a few days then reinitiate as if nothing has happened. Like you said, I think she sensed that I reacted to her not replying as I evidently said "I'm guessing from your silence". I also put a "serious tone" to it as well after two dates when I should have remained playful, my mistake. From now on I'll stay playful and avoid being serious.

    I decided to reply "Okay, good luck. If you change your mind you have my number". I won't wait around, but is there a chance that backing off like this is the best remedy after making the mistakes I made? (Assuming there isn't another guy in the picture).

  7. #7
    DancingFool
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    Dude, don't over complicate this. You had a couple of good dates....from YOUR perspective...clearly not quite hers. Two people on a date can actually have very different experiences and opinions about it, don't forget that. You asked for another date within a perfectly reasonable time, you got silence in return. That was your clue that she isn't interested and you really really should have left it at that. However, on Wed you pretty much begged....she responded....by making up some bs excuse and shooting you down. So now you stop. You didn't make any mistakes other than not accepting her silence as the rejection it was. Accept her rejection now and save what remains of your dignity. She is not interested.

    Also, please spare yourself the pop-psych babble. The only way you know she is into you is because she is responsive and thrilled to see you again. This one isn't.

  8. #8
    fmfan08
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    Dude, don't over complicate this. You had a couple of good dates....from YOUR perspective...clearly not quite hers. Two people on a date can actually have very different experiences and opinions about it, don't forget that. You asked for another date within a perfectly reasonable time, you got silence in return. That was your clue that she isn't interested and you really really should have left it at that. However, on Wed you pretty much begged....she responded....by making up some bs excuse and shooting you down. So now you stop. You didn't make any mistakes other than not accepting her silence as the rejection it was. Accept her rejection now and save what remains of your dignity. She is not interested.

    Also, please spare yourself the pop-psych babble. The only way you know she is into you is because she is responsive and thrilled to see you again. This one isn't.
    Yeah, I guess. But she showed every sign of interest like playfully hitting me, touching me a LOT, kissing my face off both times, allowing me to kiss her randomly halfway through the dates, asking a lot of questions about me, even when talking about my job she was like "No, no, go on.. I'm really intrigued. What do you do specifically in your job?" etc. She'd have to wear a neon sign to show any more interest.

    This is why I'm confused she isn't interested in seeing me again. If this has happened on other dates, I can usually pinpoint out why because they were average/decent dates.

    Did it really sound like I was begging? This wasn't what I wanted to portray. I could say this is the reason she started running away, but she started doing that the moment I asked her out on Sunday.

    Anyway, I said "Okay, good luck. If you change your mind you have my number" so it leaves it on an open note. I also deleted her number and conversation to avoid texting.

  9. #9
    Hollyj
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    Run!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drama and high maintenance.

    I can see her position if you had slept together, but it was a kiss. Good Lord!

  10. #10
    fmfan08
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollyj [Register to see the link]
    Run!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drama and high maintenance.

    I can see her position if you had slept together, but it was a kiss. Good Lord!
    Yeah, I'd fully understand that if we had sex. It could've been seen as "pump and dump" or using her for sex.

    You're not the first to suggest high maintenance, think I dodged a bullet.

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