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All,

 

I would like some advice here. I am with a great girl, and I really do love her. However, it is becoming extremely difficult dealing with her. She has some physiological issues, mainly extreme anxiety. She can go from 1-10 in the matter of seconds; I am becoming very exhausted dealing with it, and the fact I feel like I am walking on eggs shells. Last night was kind of my tipping point with the whole situation. Our conversation was great, and she randomly brought up a situation that happened the other day out of nowhere. Her last past relationships, she told me she felt she could never talk about her feelings, and she felt she could never express herself, but I don’t want to be like that with her. It seems like every day is an argument with her, and I feel like I have to just listen and try my best to help. But, I am getting tired… She doesn’t seem to under that I work, I am also a firefighter, and on top of that I have a son. I do everything in my power to see her, communicate, and be there for her, I can’t help when things happen out of my control, and I can’t help being busy. I really don’t want to leave her, and I made a promise and I stick to my commitments. I guess I am asking here, how can I deal with her? I have tried everything from listening, being there, and just reassuring her I won’t give up on her, what more can I do?

 

I just feel like I need to clear my head..

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Sorry this is happening. In addition to a loving, understanding relationship, she needs therapy. You can not simultaneously be a BF and a therapist. It kills the feelings and creates the burnout, as you have so well described. Tactfully suggest that she may need to unpack some of this stuff with a trained professional for best results.

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Mostly everyone has good traits, but it's no reason to stay when the bad outweighs the good when a relationship is regularly upsetting and draining. You can't sacrifice your own well being and happiness because a partner has psychological issues. I know you save people for a living, but it's not your job to save a person who needs psychological care.

 

She knows her anxiety is a problem. If she hasn't sought professional help on her own, then that's her decision, but you don't need to stick around and walk on eggshells when you could have a better life with someone else. There are other great women out there without unaddressed psychological problems. Be single so you can find her.

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I really don't want to give up.. I push until my last breat. Its just how I am. She is seeking a therapist, just having difficulty finding one. I am not expert in the department, but I can take the heat, per say. I just want to know how I can deal with her, and still be an amazing BF.

 

You said she goes from 1-10 in a matter of seconds. What does her 10 look like? How does she act during times of extreme anxiety? Why does it start arguments between the two of you?

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She has extreme depression. And, yes she can fly off the handle sometimes. I just trying to learn how to deal with it. NO I am not going to leave her for "Somone who isn't depressed" that's not what I do. I just want some advice, I've read a lot about it in the past few days, and I know the love isn't enough, but being their and just letting her know I am not going anywhere makes her feel better. I just want her smile back.

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