Should I cheat on my boyfriend?

Let me clarify with a brief backstory. This guy (Ill call him Josh) I've known since elementary school is in my high school science class. We flirt nonstop, fall in love, and start dating.

But its not that simple. At the time, I was severely depressed (lost emotions), anorexic, orthorexic, and bulimic. My friend and I both liked Josh and we were both in his science class, flirting and joking around. After a while came the school dance and this is when things began to messily unfold. My friend had decided to let me ask him (girls ask guys dance), and I told people I was going to as him "tomorrow". This word got around to a girl ill call Lucy. Lucy was in Josh's friend group and was also planning to ask him. She heard I was going to do it and drove to his house at night to ask him before I could at school. Silly high school drama happened, lucy got her older sister and older sisters boyfriend involved. They cussed me out on twitter and lucy was a straight to me, but josh didn't give a lol. Josh had told me that Lucy just "showed up at his house" and he had to say yes.

fast forward 3 months into our relationship and he randomly admits that he knew she was going to ask him. (This is where the trust issues started). Next point; I began smoking weed and drinking a little earlier than most of my classmates. Josh was not a fan of this and after one night where I went out and smoked with friends (guys and girls), he got furious, we talked, I said I would stop drinking and smoking and I did stop. Then one day I found out he went to Lucys house at night with 2 other friends and got super drunk. right? I should have ended it there.

Then many more trust issues began to emerge. I asked to see his phone randomly once and after he put up a fight, I got to look at his messages and saw that he was talking on me to Lucy and another girl...

One night I was supposed to come over (at no planned time) and he had told me i kept him waiting too long and that he didn't want me to come anymore. He stopped responding so I drove to his house and I saw Lucy's car parked in front. I knocked on his door, where he cracked the door open an inch and said "what do you want". I had asked lucy (and the friend she brought) when they got there and they all looked at me blankly. Angrily I walked away and Josh followed me out. I began yelling at him about is going on and then I left.. only to come back (i was so weak). I came back, we made up, and then I asked if they said anything about the incident... He wouldn't tell me what they said so I asked to read the texts with lucy... HORRIFYING. She kept saying like "I'm always here for you" and "i would never wish what she (me) did to you on my worst enemy" and "that hurt me so much, you deserve better" and "you don't deserve that" bla bla bla. To which he responded kindly and acceptingly. I broke down. I had nowhere to go since I was sleeping over and I remember feeling so sad and empty. He grabbed my wrists tightly and repeatedly said I have no right to be on his phone looking through his private things, trying to snatch the phone out of my hand. Worst part is he played it off as if it was my fault for looking through his phone, and he never apologized for the incident until I asked him to months later.

All of this and many more strange things with lucy happened over the course of 2 years. I grew up through it. I'm in college now, I have a job, and lucy is a little less out of the picture (she probably doesn't have a crush on him anymore but they still talk. But recently I haven't been caring because someone else is on my mind).

Many things were good in the relationship which is what has made it so hard to let go. Especially now. Things are very good and we both love and care about each other deeply. We talk about our future together and how we can work it out when I transfer out of community college. We broke up and got back together several times within the past few months due to trust issues (obviously), but now theres this guy at work. Ive never been able to have a crush while with my boyfriend before, even during those horrible times, but suddenly I have a huge crush on my coworker. I really can't resist him. Ive added him on social media and I smoked with him after work one day in my car. It was nice but he is not like my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend so dearly and I see him in my future. We are just so similar in the way we think, we don't get bored of each other, and I feel that there are many differences between me and my hot co-worker that would prevent us from having a solid relationship. The problem is that I am super attracted to him, and he is attracted to me too (I can tell). He sends me cute snapchats and I think about him constantly... I can tell that with the way its going were either going to hook up or have that awkward talk about why we can't hook up. I don't mean to be cocky but I am attractive and young and I feel like I need to experience more before I commit myself to this guy who has hurt me for a while. A part of me wishes I broke up with him when I had a good reason, but now I don't and everything is pretty good with us. (extra note: we both lost our virginities to each other and I was his first kiss)

here are the options I have laid out for myself:

1. Cheat on him. I don't see myself feeling too guilty about this since he has done so much emotional cheating and has embarrassed me so many times by letting other girls get so close. The downsides of this are him finding out and me regretting it for the rest of my life, or taking advantage of my co-worker by making him the "side" lmao

2. Ask him about taking a break or seeing other people. Tried this and he does not seem to be on board with experiencing anything/anyone else and staying together.

3. Don't cheat on him and stop talking to my co worker. This would make me sad and I would feel as if I am missing out on something, forcing myself to stop thinking about my co-worker and being very loyal to someone not-so deserving of my loyalty

4. break up with my boyfriend. I have thought through this many times and it leaves me devastated and I feel at a loss. He is very special and "real". I can't describe why I feel like I need him in my life but I just do. we're so compatible

5. OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS

Thank you to whoever took the time to read this, I have been contemplating this problem for the past month and I am in desperate need of a solution

You need to break up with your boyfriend. Your relationship is not healthy anyway, you're both still very young, and you're ready to explore other people now.

Even if this other dude hadn't caught your eye, the chances of your relationship with your boyfriend lasting are slim. You've outgrown your high school relationship and it's time for you to move on.

You may as well title your post "Should I rob that liquor store?" Or how about "I just put a ding in someone's car. Should I leave a note or just drive away?"

Yeah, I get that you feel like it's different, but it's really not. If you actually want to make it work with your boyfriend you don't get a "freebie" just because he's cheated in the past. Besides, what do you think would happen if you cheated with this other guy? Do you think you'd just get this guy out of your system?

I'd tend to agree with MissCanuck that it's time for you to move on. Otherwise, stay with your boyfriend and try to put this other guy out of your mind. Those are your only two viable options. You can't have your cake and eat it too; you just can't.

Grow up.

Why continue the drama? Revenge will not teach a person like him anything but turn you into the "bad guy" and give you a bad reputation.

Just dump him and move on.

Best solution up.

I think you should move on . From your post i got that you are just not in the right track .So may be its heard to move but may be it will be the best for you.Cause if you have anything to get you can wait to get it .But i think you will not get anything without depression .so just move on

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Thank you for the advice. We broke up two days ago and I feel pretty good about it