He keeps his ex’s personal items

I’ve been with new bf for over 3 months, we spend every weekend together.

I noticed in his bedroom he has his ex’s hairbrush ( still with hair in ) straightners, hairdryer, hair products etc still around. I have spoken to him often about how I find it weird that he has still has them -and last week he promised to chuck them . They are still there - by the way new bf is completely bald so doesn’t need them.

It plays on my mind constantly that he isn’t over her .. he is very loving towards me but I can’t get past this .

Am I over reacting ????

No. He is not over her. You are a filler - been there, done that.

Does he talk about her?

How long have they been broken up?

hi holly thanks for the reply

They split up over a year ago he talked about her often until I told him to shut up about her .

I don’t think he’s over her either, they have a child together so know they have to get on.

You need to move on. She has his heart.

I have been in your shoes. Find someone who is not pining over an ex.

I'm sorry, I know how frustrating and devaluing this is.

I agree with Holly .

I have also experienced this ..many years ago in the early stages of a relationship I needed something to slip on ( I maybe got wet in the rain , I can't remember ) anyway he pulled a sexyish nightdress out of his wardrobe and offered me it to put on , it was his exes who had left him .

Can you imagine * eye roll ....I would rather stay feckin wet .

BTDT as well. In my case, he had a whole drawer full of her beauty products, plus her products were still in the shower. She called to get her stuff, which she did, but she must have forgotten to check the shower, and he never threw that stuff out.

I stupidly put up with this for 1.5 years, looking at her loofah, shampoo, and pink razor every time I stepped in the shower. Not sure how many times I brought it up, but it wasn't until we were just about to break up that he finally threw it out.

In my situation, it wasn't that he wasn't over her, he was. I don't think it was about pining away for her, but there is something about keeping "trophy" stuff, about keeping a connection alive, that never felt right to me.

Within hours of breaking up with him, 1.5 years in, after marriage talk, guess who he called....yep, he did.

If you don’t think he’s over her and they have a child together, I would move on. Holly is spot on.

I dated a guy for 3 years who showed signs of not being over his ex. It got to the point where he would not discuss any type of future and pulled away until I had to break up with him. Once we broke up, he got back with her and they moved in together immediately. After all that time, he never got over her. I knew there was something there because I could just see it in his face when she was mentioned. Of course, he denied it. So don’t expect any admissions from him, or he may not realize.

Keeping stuff like that around it's like the person is still living there..... It's kind of over the top strange and to say that they aren't over the break up is a mild understatement. It may have been a year, but between that and him constantly talking about her, he isn't even close to being over her. I'd move on if I were you. You are really nothing more than a bed warmer to him while he is still stuck completely in the past and living in it daily.

I could only fill up like 20% of the bathroom or bedroom drawer space if I really, really tried, so I actually don't find it terribly alarming that throwing away her junk hasn't exactly been a priority. Him having gone on about her is what concerns me much more. You should have just dumped him to allow him to get over her himself rather than telling him to shut up about her. I don't think you'd be in any better shape if he did throw out her hair dryer.

Here’s the thing: She apparently hasn’t asked for her things back, and he hasn’t taken it upon himself to get them back to her. Which I find very odd. As a female, I would want my hair dryer, curling iron, beauty products, etc. I’ve traveled with many many women, and we don’t just “forget” that stuff, even if it’s only our backup versions that we travel with.

Which leads me to believe that this is just as much about her as it is about him. She gets to maintain that connection because at any time, she can contact him for her stuff, yet she hasn’t.

Yeah, something’s off here.

Maybe, she assumed he threw it out, not keep it as a shrine. I would never expect an ex to keep these types of things.

Maybe, she assumed he threw it out, not keep it as a shrine. I would never expect an ex to keep these types of things.

I don't know, I would never assume something like that without at least asking him.....hey, BTW, do you still have my hair dryer and curling iron? I mean damn, that stuff's expensive. Plus, I'm pretty picky about those things, as most women are.

I think she conveniently "forgot" them so that it keeps that tie to him. My personal opinion.

Maybe, she assumed he threw it out, not keep it as a shrine. I would never expect an ex to keep these types of things.

Definitely I'd assume the same. Also, I keep duplicates of that kind of stuff in his house, so not like I'd need that stuff back or go out of my way to pick it up. It's totally disposable so I'd assume that he tossed all that and wouldn't give it another thought. Keeping it out like that as if she is still there.....wow.....so so weird.

It would be different if it was stuffed in the back of the cabinet, you came across it and he told you to go ahead and chuck it out for him. However, he is hanging on.... sooo....yeash.....

I don't know, I would never assume something like that without at least asking him.....hey, BTW, do you still have my hair dryer and curling iron? I mean damn, that stuff's expensive. Plus, I'm pretty picky about those things, as most women are.

 

I think she conveniently "forgot" them so that it keeps that tie to him. My personal opinion.

I don't see how a hairdryer would tie someone down. Sorry, but I think that is a bit of a stretch. I would never assume that an ex would hold onto that stuff, as it would have little value to him, and be a space taker. We are not talking about a computer, or something really valuable.

Definitely I'd assume the same. Also, I keep duplicates of that kind of stuff in his house, so not like I'd need that stuff back or go out of my way to pick it up. It's totally disposable so I'd assume that he tossed all that and wouldn't give it another thought. Keeping it out like that as if she is still there.....wow.....so so weird.

 

It would be different if it was stuffed in the back of the cabinet, you came across it and he told you to go ahead and chuck it out for him. However, he is hanging on.... sooo....yeash.....

I agree. It is weird. Like a shrine.

Op, you should have been done with this dude, long ago.

It's a very common ploy for a female to leave something behind so that she has an excuse to call the guy back, or hope that he calls her to come retrieve it.

I stupidly regret losing a favorite necklace this way.

She hasn't called to retrieve her stuff in a year. I doubt she will be phoning him.

Something personal, sentimental or otherwise of value, sure. However, we are talking about basic grooming stuff. I mean who calls their ex to pick up soap or shampoo. Come on..... that is really a stretch and a half. I very much doubt his ex has even thought about him in the past year. He is the one who is stuck in a really weird way. Especially when you consider that he can't stop talking about his ex to the OP.

If I were to suspect anything when looking at another woman's personal grooming things out and about at his house is that the guy is cheating and I'd be gone in a flash.

Thanks guys for the advice ... I’m outta there . The final straw was when he called his ex’s mum ..mum !!!

Lots of speculation, hearsay and projections in most of these responses. The fact that her ish is still there could mean something, or it could not. The stuff itself, what exact types of items they are, and the fact that they are still there, are inert and largely irrelevant. Maybe he sneaks out of bed late at night and spoons the hairdrier on the bathroom floor alone and weeps frightfully. Maybe it's just a bunch of things to him, a chore that he's procrastinating on dealing with, and he's demi - passively aggressively pushing back on you because he feels annoyed that you're already getting on his case about housework and telling him how to organize his domicile. What's the context here? Is it laid out as a shrine, or in a drawer somewhere? Yeah, maybe she left it on purpose to have a connection with him. Well, is he playing that game? He obviously hasn't given it back to her, so maybe it's his way of showing that he can't be conjured by her stupid female tricks.

Just cowboy-up and have a heart-to-heart with him. Ask if he is over her or not. Ask him if he is keeping those things there for a reason or if it just hasn't gotten to yet as it's not of any consequence to him. I mean, it's a stupid hairbrush and some goop. Does he have a hair fetish, or something? Was hair-care, like, a "thing" for them? Likely not, but who knows. Again, you're letting this self-contrived narriative get all wrapped up in your head. Talk to the guy. Ask a lot of questions about why they broke up, what went wrong, what he likes about you that is a progression from her, etc. Maybe he really likes you and sees a future in you but just needs some time to let the past settle. Maybe it's just a stupid comb. You need to figure out if you two have enough of a connection and relationship skills to appropriately understand what the other person's position is and if you really like each other and want to work through this.

Agree with Swede. Have the talk with him.

If your description is accurate, it appears that they both are keeping a door open to each other's lives. The real question is whether or not you see this guy as a long-term investment, knowing that she will always be a factor in the background.

I started dating a girl about ten years ago that had a lot of things from an ex. When I told her either she could throw his stuff out or I would do it for her, she became highly defensive, her emotions got the best of her and she blurted out some things that said to me that she wasn't over him and that she was still communicating with him.

It told me all I needed to know. I walked and never looked back.

And its been one of the best things I've ever done.