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Thread: Sex few and far between

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2017
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    Sex few and far between

    I'm 22 years old now and my girlfriend is 21, we have been together for just over 5 years now. I love her a lot, and would do anything for her. We have have a great relationship, almost no fighting except for one thing, sex. It all started about 4 years ago, just about the time we moved into together for college. (We met in high school and ended up going to the same University together so we decided to move in together for my sophomore year and her freshman year.) The first year was fine, we had sex maybe once or twice a week and it was great. Then the second year rolled around and it moved down to maybe 2-3 times per month, which wasn't the best situation but was managable. Then 3 years in came around and we had sex maybe once a month maybe a little longer. Then it comes to now, where we've maybe has sex 5 times max for the whole year, this has stopped being okay with me. I've talked to her on several instances about the situation. We've talked about why there might be this problem and all she can come up with is stress. I've asked her if shes not attracted to me, she tells me if she wasn't attracted to me she wouldn't be with me. I've asked if the sex we have isn't all that good, she says its great. (For reference I always put her needs of orgasm far above my own when having sex and can usually accomplish it several times before were done, as far as I know) I've asked her if theres anything I could do to try and get her in the mood and she couldn't give me anything, because I've seriously exhausted all my tricks years ago to no avial. About 7 months ago I conviced her to talk to her doctor about the issue when she went for her yearly check up, hoping maybe the doctor could change her birth control, thinking that maybe that was the problem. She got an IUD put in and her drive hasn't changed in the slightest. I've become so sexually frustrated I don't know what to do. I've looked at numerous couples sex websites and they all say 2-3 times per week is the average. Theres people complaining about only having sex once a month, and at this point would kill to be in that situation. I've never written in one of these forums before, but I can't find anyone with a similar situation and I just want to see what other people have to say. Sorry for the long rant.

  2. #2
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    Well, you haven't really described her that much, your message is all about you, but I would guess she may be depressed. Right around this age your hormones start leveling off and you can develop chemical imbalances. These imbalances can cause depression. Other than being put on drugs, you can help your girlfriend by helping her with her schoolwork, taking her out for walks in the sunlight, taking her to movies and concerts -- in other words, doing things that will cheer her up. You can Google how to cope with depression and find out more things you can do. I can't promise you you'll get more sex, but I think it will help her and build a closer relationship between the two of you.

  3. #3

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    Thank you for your reply, atleast in my mind we do quite a few things together. We rarely ever just sit at home for the whole weekend. We usually make it a plan to go to a sports game, or a movie, or out to eat, or even just to the mall to walk around. As for helping her with her homework, I do the best I can but she is in a completely different major than myself and it's hard for me to know things in that field.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    If you told her you would like to supplement the sex you're not having with her, with other partners would she freak out of be thankful for the reprieve from being pressured for it?

    Is her new IUD a hormone releasing coil or just a plain copper coil? If it is a hormone one then that will be just as bad as being on the pill if her lack of libido is hormone related.

    Is she taking any sort of anti-depressants which can also affect libido?

    Have you thought about getting your own dorm room? Maybe she's just taking you for granted? Perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder? Do you both have your own friends that you hang out with on occasion or are the two of you joined at the hip?

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  6. #5

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    Thank you for th reply,
    If I were to ask her she would not be okay with that. Which is fine, I would never want to do that to her. Her IUD his a hormonal one, but like I said shes been on birth control since we've been together, and when we were younger that made no difference to how much we had sex. She does not take any antidepressants, she takes no prescription drugs regularly. As for moving out, I have a feeling it could possibly be that we are with each other to much and she may be taking it for granted, but moving out isn't an option anymore, it's cheaper to live together. We do hangout with our respective friends from time to time but it's mostly just us. Although as a note, most week days we don't see each other from the time we wake up till about 11pm. We may see each other for an hour or 2 during the day but her and my school schedule and work schedule don't match up very well.

  7. #6
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    It sounds like you have tried to get her to talk about it, have her seek advice from her doctor, etc. You have asked her if it is you, does she not enjoy it, and so on. So you are trying to figure it out. It seems like she has a low sex drive in general. For me, sex 5 or 6 times a year would be a deal breaker. I don't have any good answers for you, other than I can relate to your frustration. You are way too young to accept this situation. If she doesn't see how this aspect of your relationship isn't working for you, then getting out may be the only answer. I know this likely seems drastic, because you love her, but sexual incompatibility can result in the demise of a relationship.


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