Met online and in LDR, now noticed he changed his profile picture

I met a guy online about 3-4 months ago. He lives in another state. About a month later, he offered to meet. Since it is a few hours flight between us, we met for the first time in person about two months ago. We both had a great time spending time together. He even mentioned “future” such meeting his parents and friends and taking vacation. To me it was a bit odd and very early for those talk. He even referred to me as his girlfriend to someone at a restaurant. He then came for another visit about a month ago and is planning on coming back again for a short weekend gateway. All has been great and he has even asked me if I am open to the idea of moving one day to his town.

However, I noticed something last night that made me hesitant about everything. Not sure if I am overthinking it or not. Since we met in person about two months ago, I had not logged into the online dating app until last night. I logged in last night to close the account when I noticed he has updated his pictures. Based on the newly posted pictures, I am certain that he uploaded the new pictures after we met for the first time about two months ago. If he has been so interested coming all the way to see me and talking about future, why did he post new pictures? Once we were talking about the online dating, he mentioned he has closed his membership (no more a paid member but his account is still up).

At this point, I am not sure what I should do. I know “confronting” is very strong. Should I bring up the online discussion and ask him about his profile? Should I not ever mention that I noticed his pictures?

Thanks in advance

The bad thing about LDR's is that you really don't get enough in-person time to develop a relationship, and phone/text/Skype just doesn't replace it. So, you didn't really spend enough actual, physical time together to develop an exclusive, monogamous relationship.

He may very well be continuing to look locally, which I know is a hard thing for you to understand, given all the flowery meet-the-parents talk he's initiated. It's really easy to get caught up in those rare moments together and use the word "girlfriend", "future", etc., especially if he was hoping for/planning on sex.

Can you look locally for someone yourself?

Unless and until you sit down, in person, and have a discussion that you are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, and that you are both removing your profiles, you should continue to log in, date locally, and expect that he does the same.

I know that's not the answer you were hoping for.

I would say that he is keeping his options open as you should do as well. chi

Thanks for your response.

I agree with you that LDR is not an ideal relationship. I forgot to add that I have met one of his friends as well. True that those talks about appealing for the moment but his insistence on persuading me to move to his town is something that makes me wonder. I did tell him that we just met and eat too early for me to make a decision (or even consider) moving at this point. In response, he said he just wants me to keep the idea in the back of my mind.

Yes! I can definitely find someone here and date locally. I actually have few options that I said no recently. It is just among all these guys I have met recently I like him the most personality wise. But again as you said I cannot really know a person in a long distance relationship.

When is he best time to have the talk about being exclusive? I myself think it’s a bit too early now. I read online some advisors saying 3 months but should not it be a bit longer for LDR?

Neither of you asked to be exclusive so you have to assume the other person might still be dating. If you don't want to be giving the gift of your body to a guy without knowing if he's dating others, it's okay to have a discussion about the status of things. What do you want? Tell him what that is, and find out if he's on the same page. If he's not, don't lower your standards on how you like the dating process to go.

Guys speaking of the future at this stage means nothing. It's really common. Only time put in and seeing results over the longterm is what counts.

Why you've subjected yourself to a LDR is something I don't understand, unless you live in a podunk town where there are zero prospects. It's expensive. You can't date at a normal pace. You can't know how a partner is living their life when you're not local and can't see what's actually going on. When I did OLD, I limited my dating life to within 50 miles of my home, especially since 9 dates out of 10, one or both of us lacked chemistry, and we were only out the price of a cup of coffee when that happened.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Neither of you asked to be exclusive so you have to assume the other person might still be dating. If you don't want to be giving the gift of your body to a guy without knowing if he's dating others, it's okay to have a discussion about the status of things. What do you want? Tell him what that is, and find out if he's on the same page. If he's not, don't lower your standards on how you like the dating process to go.

 

Guys speaking of the future at this stage means nothing. It's really common. Only time put in and seeing results over the longterm is what counts.

 

Why you've subjected yourself to a LDR is something I don't understand, unless you live in a podunk town where there are zero prospects. It's expensive. You can't date at a normal pace. You can't know how a partner is living their life when you're not local and can't see what's actually going on. When I did OLD, I limited my dating life to within 50 miles of my home, especially since 9 dates out of 10, one or both of us lacked chemistry, and we were only out the price of a cup of coffee when that happened.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Thanks for the response!

I see your point. In fact I had limited my dating life to local as I live in a big city. But then this guy reached out to me and I liked his profile and here we are after 2-3 months. He has the same cultural background as mine and also meet most of my standards (so far! Based on how much I know him).

I would have "the talk" with him about what you two are. I do not think there is necessarily a set time frame for this to happen - every relationship moves at its own speed. Since you are facing situations where the questions are applicable, then I think that shows it is time.

Decide what you want before having this talk though. Make sure you know if you want to be exclusive with him or not, do you want to keep dating, etc. Knowing what you want will make the conversation easier and you can be more honest.

Wishing you luck!