Ex is friends with my friends

So, back story, about 4 months ago I ended a relationship on ok terms with a girl I had been dating for 9 months. Although we didn't date that long, it was long enough for her to meet my best friend and his girlfriend. My best friend's girlfriend and my ex hit it off amazingly well and became very fast friends. During the 9 months my best friend proposed and married his girlfriend, my ex was close enough to her to be a bridesmaid by then. My friend hosts BBQ's and parties at his house all the time and they invite all their friends, including my ex and I. It's still awkward seeing her at these parties so we usually just casually avoid each other and talk to other people, I have no feelings for this girl whatsoever and would never date her again, because some things just were never meant to be.

Fast foward to now, I recently began dating this girl from work, she's amazing and I've never fallen for someone so fast and clicked so well. I was honest with her about my ex still being friends with my friends and that she may be present for parties and BBQs and such. My girlfriend didn't like the idea but said it was ok.

Last night my girlfriend and I had just finished going bowling and it was still early so she told me to hit up my friend and see what they were doing. He said they were having a couple of beers with my ex and some other people at his house and we should come out. I told her my ex would be there and asked if it would be ok, she said yes and that she still wanted to go. We showed up and began drinking beer and hanging out, my girlfriend seemed to get along with my ex and my friend's wife pretty well. A little bit into the get together, we ran out of beer so my friend and I decide to walk to a nearby gas station and get some because we were too drunk to drive. We get back and my girlfriend is completely hammered and says she wants to go home, I told her I just can't drive us back and that we should go to sleep in the guest bedroom. She proceeds to tell me that I obviously still want to be with my ex and that I just didn't want to leave because I wanted to be around her, which was not the case at all but no matter how much I tried to explain to her she just wouldn't listen and kept repeating the same wrong conclusions she had jumped to and ended up calling her friend to come pick her up and take her home.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this misplaced jealousy? I don't want to not be able to hangout with my best friend and his wife because my ex would be there, but I don't know how to keep this from causing my girlfriend or any future girlfriends from feeling jealous or insecure.

Well she was hammered when this happened so maybe try talking about it when you're both sober. Maybe she was just drunk and upset.

I don't want to not be able to hangout with my best friend and his wife because my ex would be there, but I don't know how to keep this from causing my girlfriend or any future girlfriends from feeling jealous or insecure.

How are things with the new girl now that she's had a chance to sober up and stop being paranoid?

How about you just don't hang out with your friend and his wife when the ex is going to be there? At least do your girlfriend that favor until she's more sure that you're not going to reconcile with your former girlfriend.

 

How are things with the new girl now that she's had a chance to sober up and stop being paranoid?

Not good, tried calling her on my lunch today and sent to voicemail after a couple rings. I've been trying to do that as much as possible but it's just getting to the point where I hardly ever get to see my friend anymore.

Not good, tried calling her on my lunch today and sent to voicemail after a couple rings. I've been trying to do that as much as possible but it's just getting to the point where I hardly ever get to see my friend anymore.

Ehhh... I think she's over reacting. If someone I was dating couldn't hang out in groups with an ex then they aren't the right person for me. My exs are often my friends or in my friend circles. I'm not going to sacrifice long standing friendships for someone with insecurity issues, especially someone who will tell me they are okay then get stupid drunk and blame their feelings on me. If you don't know yourself well enough to know what is going to make you feel insecure I don't think you know yourself well enough to be in a relationship.

If she had said "That might be uncomfortable for me" or "I would really rather not hang out around your ex" or... you know, anything else that would show that she understand her own reactions... I would be willing to go slow and be reassuring and see how it goes. But getting drunk, blaming you for her emotions and leaving in a dramatic huff? I wouldn't be signing up for more of that.

I kind of want to hear what she says about it while she's sober before I make any decisions, but k

I think you're probably right.

I would be willing to go slow and be reassuring and see how it goes. But getting drunk, blaming you for her emotions and leaving in a dramatic huff? I wouldn't be signing up for more of that.

Op: Why did she say she still wanted to go if she's insecure about your ex? Was she s*** testing you? Was she wanting to see how you interacted with her? Did you give her any reason to be suspicious of you and your ex?

If she's ignoring your calls now she sounds like someone who is too high maintenance to bother with and she certainly lacks maturity. pffft.

Good point.

 

Op: Why did she say she still wanted to go if she's insecure about your ex? Was she s*** testing you? Was she wanting to see how you interacted with her? Did you give her any reason to be suspicious of you and your ex?

 

If she's ignoring your calls now she sounds like someone who is too high maintenance to bother with and she certainly lacks maturity. pffft.

I think it was a test to see how I interacted with her. She didn't give any explanation, she just said that she was ok with it as long as it wasn't weird, and no, I didn't give her any reason to be suspicious, the whole time I was just talking to her and my friend and getting her involved in the conversation. I was all about her the whole night. At this point I'm more just worried about this happening in a future relationship.

I think it was a test to see how I interacted with her. She didn't give any explanation, she just said that she was ok with it as long as it wasn't weird, and no, I didn't give her any reason to be suspicious, the whole time I was just talking to her and my friend and getting her involved in the conversation. I was all about her the whole night. At this point I'm more just worried about this happening in a future relationship.

If you find a gal that doesn't have issues with ex's remaining in the a friend group then you shouldn't have any problems... particularly, like in this instance, you aren't giving them anything to worry about.

Let us know what she has to say for herself (and her behaviour) if she ever returns your call.

I'm wondering if your ex (and your friends wife) said anything to her when you were out getting more beer that set her off because her reaction seems rather odd.

Alright, update time, she said that she was fine and having fun until I drank too much to leave and in her drunk mind I did that on purpose and she felt like she was trapped at my friend's house because she had no way to leave but she realizes now that it wasn't like that. She didn't answer the phone because she didn't know how to apologize and invited me over after work and we talked it out, thanks yall for your help.

The way you write about your Ex tells me, you are so not over her.

Alright, update time, she said that she was fine and having fun until I drank too much to leave and in her drunk mind I did that on purpose and she felt like she was trapped at my friend's house because she had no way to leave but she realizes now that it wasn't like that. She didn't answer the phone because she didn't know how to apologize and invited me over after work and we talked it out, thanks yall for your help.

Seems kind of a different story then what happened in your opening post. She didn't say one word about you leaving her behind and put all the blame on you still being into your ex.

Anyway, seems you've settle things (at least for the time being) time will tell if she's a whack job when it comes to being able to handle her own jealousy or not.

She doesn't know how to apologize???

How about "I'm sorry for overreacting"?