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Thread: Need help on communication and understanding

  1. #1

    Need help on communication and understanding

    I've been in a relationship for about 6 months. When it's good, it's soo good. But when It's bad which is 80% of the time it's horrible. She doesn't listen to anything I say. I will ask her a question to her face and I will get nothing. Texting is even worse. She will reply over and over talking about anything in the world except what I've mentioned or asked her about. I will say to her please answer my question, I've been waiting for a reply, etc and she's dumbfounded. What are you talking about? Answer what? and the message is right there. This is almost every single day and it ends in an argument because I will literally spend HOURS trying to get her to answer what I need to pick up from the store, what do you want me to cook for dinner, etc. while I'm at work. It's taking a toll on my job and my mental health. I feel like she never listens to me. I've talked to her about it a hundred times and she gets mad saying all I do is tell her what she does wrong... and I'll still go without an answer to the simplest of questions. I don't understand what else I can do. She blames for everything when I know it's not me. I know asking what do you want for dinner should not be an argument starter but it is so much now I don't even ask and just cook whatever. I try to not ask her anything ever but I have to. I have children to care for so I have to plan dinner and grocery trips, etc. But its more of a hassle with my 40 yr old gf then getting my 4 yr old to say what he would like from the store. I'm to the point of leaving our relationship is so bad. There are A LOT of issues but I think if we could fix this one everything else would be easy. Any ideas?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    now I don't even ask and just cook whatever
    Wait, so what's wrong with this, again? If she doesn't tell you what she wants to eat, just cook. She doesn't like it, she fixes something up herself. I do all the cooking in my relationship, and, unless the lady actually makes a request, I make a decision of what I would both like to cook and want to eat that evening. Easy peasy. And if your lady doesn't get back to you about groceries, pick up what you know you need. She needs something you didn't get, she can make her own trip. I'm sure you're around the house enough to notice yourself when essentials are dwindling, even if maybe not the exact moment they run out.

    I don't know. I suppose if you're put off by her being pretty aloof and her seeming to have different day-to-day priorities, that's a fair consideration. But at this point, I'd consider it an incompatibility rather than something you can or should change.

    Are you two arguing in front of your child?

  3. #3
    I used the dinner/groceries as an example. It is literally ANYTHING. Do you know where my keys are? Have you seen the new episode of whatever we're watching at the moment? Can you take so and so to DR? Did you pay that bill? It does not matter what I ask it will take me asking 15 times and 4 hours to get a reply. We very rarely argue in front of the children. If it starts I'll walk away and remind her not in front of the kids. She has a child too, and that's a whole other can of worms. I take really good care of my kids, one is very young so I have to. She's more of the fend for themselves, throw em in the water and see if they swim type.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Yeah, all those questions sound menial and simple enough for you to navigate yourself as well. How many questions are you asking this lady? Sounds saturated. Maybe stick to truly important questions if you're concerned about time sensitivity. Why do you need to know within a few hours silly things like whether she's seen a show?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    I've been in a relationship for about 6 months. When it's good, it's soo good. But when It's bad which is 80% of the time it's horrible.
    Sounds like it's time to move on. If it's horrible 80% of the time why would you keep up with it? You are only six months in. Six months into a relationship you should still have rose tented glasses on... not be filled with annoyance at normal communication. You two are a bad fit. Time to break up.

  7. #6
    Asking her questions about what she or her child needs from the store I can't guess on my own and when I'm about to leave for said store yes there's a time limit. I work full time and run a business, so my time is precious and rare. I was just giving examples, I can literally SAY or ASK anything and I will get zero response on that topic. That's not ok.

  8. #7
    I ask myself that everyday. I don't want to give up. I don't know why but there's something about her...

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    It's too bad there's kids involved as my answer would be to leave and dont go back. It's disruptive to kids to have to live like that and it's disruptive to move them out after only a matter of months. But if she's as bad as you say then maybe you do need to leave. Sure you can cook whatever and buy whatever, but she sounds pretty much impossible.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ladybug77
    I ask myself that everyday. I don't want to give up. I don't know why but there's something about her...
    "something" isn't worth 80% horrible.

    You could stay and try to not care that you two communicate poorly. But if you are getting this upset over asking what to eat? What is going to happen when you actually have conflict? When they stakes are higher what is going to happen?

    Of course you like her, you just started dating. But you are say it's 80% horrible. That isn't a function relationship. That is way more pain then it's worth. You could just be single and get rid of the extra stress, hurt and annoyance.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ladybug77
    Asking her questions about what she or her child needs from the store I can't guess on my own and when I'm about to leave for said store yes there's a time limit. I work full time and run a business, so my time is precious and rare. I was just giving examples, I can literally SAY or ASK anything and I will get zero response on that topic. That's not ok.
    Why do you need to shop for her and her kids 6 months into a relationship, much less feel so compelled to that you raise an argument if you can't effectively do so? Organizing visits the doctor? You should be dating, not getting frustrated when she doesn't communicate well enough to allow you to rush into playing house. My point wasn't that you can answer any question you have for her yourself, but that for those you can't, you should have her handle them herself. Hard to tell if she's a legit space cadet or if her not answering is her own way of bucking against your imposition with trying to slam each other's lives together. It sounds dysfunctional a few different levels.
    Last edited by j.man; 11-24-2017 at 01:01 PM.

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