I ended the relationship, do you think I did the right thing?

My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago after being together 8 months. Things hadn't been going so well the last month and a bit. During the relationship he had lied to me twice. There was love of course but he wasn't much into communicating when their were issues and we just wernt on the same page with priorities. He was a little selfish and just had too many bad habits plus he lied to me and kept the fact he had started drinking a secret from me. When I guessed and confronted him he admitted he had also been drinking vodka out of a flask which he kept in the car when he went out to have a cigarette. He was also constantly buying beer and going through those pretty quickly. He has previously been in rehab for drinking issues almost 2yrs ago for 11 mths which is why I'm so touchy about the whole thing. I felt like I was always the one buying food to make dinners, his financial contributions were very unequal in comparison to mine. Every 2nd weekend he would have his children over which I didn't mind, I have a young child as well however the bulk of the food for all the kids was mainly funded by me, he would occasionally chip in. Everytime we went out, it would seem I was always the driver using my car.

He was coming on a holiday with me and my family, he had managed to save a small amount for spending money and what he had he was using here to buy his energy drinks and then went and used some of it for a 6 pack of beer. When I asked him why he needed to buy alcohol the day before our holiday he got smarmy with me and said it was his money and I'm not his mother. I said to him that his priorities were not in the right place as he should have been saving that money for Bali so we could afford to do more things together rather than spending it here on luxury items such as the beer. I knew then in that moment our relationship was not the priority in his life. I'd even paid for most of the hotel so he would have extra for spending but when he did that it was like a slap in the face. The morning of the holiday when he got up I told him that his behaviour has been questionable lately and he got his back up and said how about you go to Bali and I will stay in Australia, I was so angry that I told him I just didn't care anymore and that if he was not happy he should pack his and leave. Next minute he was upstairs packing and you know what I did, I in helped the . He will regret it, might take a while but he will. I think the only thing he was supporting in the end was his alcohol consumption. I could see it was becoming an issue even though he said it wasn't, I didn't believe him.

You have been enabling his behavior by financially supporting him and expecting seemingly little in demand. The fact that he as a man is so comfy letting you support him, pay out of pocket to feed HIS kids, take his broke ass on a trip etc shows you where he is at. What does he bring to the relationship? Clearly not money , and seems to lack respect for you. That is a "love" I could do with out. He is right you are not his mother , stop supporting him and allow this relationship to fizzle. If he cares at all about the outcome he will clean up his act and be better for you but I wouldn't hold your breath. 8 months is luckily not a whole lot of time invested in this dead end so you should get out while you can. He clearly suffers with alcholhism but that is something he needs to be dealing with. You are not his mother or wife and if he is going to carry on this way you should leave..

He does work full time so not sure what he has been doing with his money after his rent and car loan have been paid off....we are broken up already anyway

He sounds like a loser and a user and reminds me of an ex.

Good riddance!

Well I do feel that I have been taken for granted and my generosity has a partner taken advantage of

Learn to never support someone and allow THEM to pull their weight.

Don't bend over backwards for anyone, or they'll take that for granted and lose respect for you.

Slowly give alittle, and have them show you AS WELL that they can spoil you back.

It's all about equality.

He sounds like an alcoholic. You dodged a bullet.

My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago after being together 8 months. Things hadn't been going so well the last month and a bit. During the relationship he had lied to me twice. There was love of course but he wasn't much into communicating when their were issues and we just wernt on the same page with priorities. He was a little selfish and just had too many bad habits plus he lied to me and kept the fact he had started drinking a secret from me. When I guessed and confronted him he admitted he had also been drinking vodka out of a flask which he kept in the car when he went out to have a cigarette. He was also constantly buying beer and going through those pretty quickly. He has previously been in rehab for drinking issues almost 2yrs ago for 11 mths which is why I'm so touchy about the whole thing. I felt like I was always the one buying food to make dinners, his financial contributions were very unequal in comparison to mine. Every 2nd weekend he would have his children over which I didn't mind, I have a young child as well however the bulk of the food for all the kids was mainly funded by me, he would occasionally chip in. Everytime we went out, it would seem I was always the driver using my car.

 

He was coming on a holiday with me and my family, he had managed to save a small amount for spending money and what he had he was using here to buy his energy drinks and then went and used some of it for a 6 pack of beer. When I asked him why he needed to buy alcohol the day before our holiday he got smarmy with me and said it was his money and I'm not his mother. I said to him that his priorities were not in the right place as he should have been saving that money for Bali so we could afford to do more things together rather than spending it here on luxury items such as the beer. I knew then in that moment our relationship was not the priority in his life. I'd even paid for most of the hotel so he would have extra for spending but when he did that it was like a slap in the face. The morning of the holiday when he got up I told him that his behaviour has been questionable lately and he got his back up and said how about you go to Bali and I will stay in Australia, I was so angry that I told him I just didn't care anymore and that if he was not happy he should pack his and leave. Next minute he was upstairs packing and you know what I did, I in helped the . He will regret it, might take a while but he will. I think the only thing he was supporting in the end was his alcohol consumption. I could see it was becoming an issue even though he said it wasn't, I didn't believe him.

Let's look at the issues:

Liar

Communication issues

Alcoholic

User - Lets you pay the majority of the time and drive

The is the perfect definition of a LOSER! I think that you need to take the focus off of him and understand why you would date this guy for one week, much less eight months. Why would you expose your child to this type of man? You really need to expect more from men, and value yourself by making much better choices. You really can't get much worse than this creep!

Well I do feel that I have been taken for granted and my generosity has a partner taken advantage of

You allowed it. Once you take responsibility for your poor choices, you will make better decisions. You're not a victim in this, you were an active participant.

I hate to say it but your right. I could see this happening and I did nothing to stop it.

If your child is a girl, would you want her to be with someone like this? Remember, you are a role modal for your children.

Of course I wouldn't. I would tell her to leave and find someone that would respect her and really love her and treat her well. Someone who would pour into her and the relationship equally. Someone who was mature, someone who was responsible, someone who wanted to be the best version of themselves so they could give properly to her.

Then why was this good enough for you? Why do you not apply the same value to yourself? You seem to to still want to be with this loser, as you are questioning your decision.

As I said before, your actions influnence your kid.

No I definitely don't want to be with him, that I'm sure about. I'm pretty clear headed with the decision I made. Just helps to make sure I wasn't over reacting and I value the opinion of others that are not caught up in this. I'm not at risk of going back to him, not at all. I'm strong

You didn't make a mistake.

This man is an addict and took advantage of you. It wasn't going to get better, and I imagine there is still a lot you don't know about the depths of his addiction. Where was his money going? You can bet it wasn't on groceries and vitamins.

I know that it was going on his energy drinks, he is addicted to those as well. He would go through almost 6 a day. Then obviously the alcohol and he was also taking pain killers regularly for his shoulder pain which he was always purchasing from different chemists. He smoked as well. Obviously he has an addictive personality

I just want to say a big Thankyou to everyone that spared some time to assist me here. I think the sentence that fell out of his mouth at one point that alarmed me further went a little like this:

"I can communicate better and talk more when I've had a drink and obviously have better stamina in bed, just everything seems better."

The red flag went up when he said that because here I am thinking that a person should feel they do better at everything when they haven't been drinking at all!

I knew deep down we were on a different page in a different book. He was unhealthy in that he has a very addictive personality. He would drink 6 energy drinks a day plus took pain killers for shoulder pain regularly plus smoked cigarettes. He never seemed to want to quit any of it, would say he would but when I would check in with him just had an excuse, too lazy to go and get an xray to get to the bottom of the shoulder pain, was happy taking tablets. Nah that's not the man for me.

I have walked away now and I will stay away. I will just keep the good memories as we all so because he was a beautiful person towards me too, he wasn't all bad, he was very affectionate and caring and I know he loves me and I definitely fell in love with him but I also know time is a healer.

Thankyou to everyone that has assisted me here. X