So I've got a date sort of.

Hey been single for 16 years terrible I know im 32 so no adult relationship have massive confidence problems all the rest of it spent like 4 years going on dating sites just looking and not texting anyone eventually recently I thought what the he'll and text a few anyway I got talking to one lass who I like and she didn't want to meet at first cause she's been hurt in past which suited me conversation has been ok a little empty at points stuck with what to say but overall ok I guess now she wants to meet and I'm ting myself I look like in my eyes though she has seen pics of my face I'm hung up on how skinny I am too 6ft 3 weigh 10 half stone. And I'm also worried about conversation when we meet I don't know im just worried I don't even know what advice I want just feeling really anxious not to mention I havnt had sex for 16 years either so there's that I'm gonna look like a how'd you drop that on someone I originally told her I've been single for 2 years what can I do to to not worry about these things because I'm going to come across terrible otherwise. 1 positive I guess is it is a step forward I'm potentially meeting someone which I guess can only be a good thing, crazy thing is too single all this while start talking to a girl and someone only asked for my number today had to say no cause didn't seem right since I've been talking to someone already albeit were not together. Like London buses wait 16 years for 1 and 2 come along at once

1) Being single for 16 years is nothing to be ashamed of. If you had 16 years of being a terrible boyfriend, that would be something that would make you difficult to date. You have a clean state and this is something neutral. Some more experienced women may be concerned about your lack of experience because they might be worried that you two won't be a good match, but no one reasonable thinks the lack of dating experience at 32 is something pathetic or something to be ashamed of. If someone would bring you down because of this, they wouldn't be a dating material.

2) However, you absolutely have a right to keep your dating history (or lack of) to yourself at the beginning of dating someone.

3) While you're fretting over whether a girl will like you with your appearance, character and life history, any girl you'll be dating will do the same. While you're thinking "What if I'm too skinny for her", the girl will probably think "What if he'll thinks I'm fat?". Depending on her confidence, she will be very anxious or slightly nervous before the first meeting, asking herself if you will like each other in person. It's not like the girl you like is perfect and you're a weirdo. Everybody is a perfect weirdo. Have fun with dating, because dating should be fun! You will do fine, and if it won't work out, it's always more life experience.

1) Being single for 16 years is nothing to be ashamed of. If you had 16 years of being a terrible boyfriend, that would be something that would make you difficult to date. You have a clean state and this is something neutral. Some more experienced women may be concerned about your lack of experience because they might be worried that you two won't be a good match, but no one reasonable thinks the lack of dating experience at 32 is something pathetic or something to be ashamed of. If someone would bring you down because of this, they wouldn't be a dating material.

 

2) However, you absolutely have a right to keep your dating history (or lack of) to yourself at the beginning of dating someone.

 

3) While you're fretting over whether a girl will like you with your appearance, character and life history, any girl you'll be dating will do the same. While you're thinking "What if I'm too skinny for her", the girl will probably think "What if he'll thinks I'm fat?". Depending on her confidence, she will be very anxious or slightly nervous before the first meeting, asking herself if you will like each other in person. It's not like the girl you like is perfect and you're a weirdo. Everybody is a perfect weirdo. Have fun with dating, because dating should be fun! You will do fine, and if it won't work out, it's always more life experience.

funny I wrote less scarred at first by mistake but probably an equally apt description.

So we met stayed out till 4 am at a pub and then her mates I went home with her slept in the same bed nothing happened other than few kisses which Is a positive imo would of been to soon and maybe set alarm bells ringing but mainly due to being hungover I didn't ask when I'd see her again. I really liked her she is abit crazy and in probably abit quieter but I like that I don't want someone like me lol.

We spoke briefly yesterday I don't know now how to go forward should I ask her if I can see her again or just say when am I seeing you again probably overthinking things but that is how I am. Help!

(I don't want to seem overly keen either as that can put some people off) also I guess some people wouldn't think twice about sharing a bed with someone so maybe it isn't a big deal for them like it was for me?

Relax Everything is going fine.

You don't know what will come out of it - something good, or will it fall apart pretty soon - but it's not anything you can control. Dating is not a game to play with always guessing the right things to say or do. It's something driven by two people and their dynamics. Even if you make a mistake, if your dynamics is strong and the other person likes you, it won't matter. If there isn't, then even if you do everything perfect and flawless, still nothing will happen, because it wasn't meant to be.

You wrote on another thread that you're afraid your anxiety could scare potential girls away. I think your anxiety something that makes you uncomfortable rather than people around you. You have to carry its burden on your shoulders, and to other people it's really not that visible or uncomfortable as you think. The burden of overthinking is something you struggle with, but other people won't even know that you put all that effort in saying/doing the right thing, and if they like you, they will think all that you say or do is cool. Don't have anxiety about having anxiety, because it will make dating an exhausting experience for you, not as much for your dates. The bigger obstacle in dating, rather than the wrong words used, is this exhaustion of energy, that you stop being spontaneous, the dating energy doesn't flow freely between two people to power the dynamics forward, but gets stuck in anxiety. So relax For your sake.

Also, you should never think of girls as if you are lucky to find anyone who likes you back, just because you have little dating experience. From what I'm reading you've already found two women who sort of liked you in relatively short time? Anyway, more will come, if it won't work out this time. When you are with a girl, be with her fully mentally. Don't think if you're doing something right or wrong, that your train to dating is about to run away It won't run away. Think about that right now you have some opportunity to spend time with this awesome person, get to know her for who she is, get to do whatever feels right between you to at any moment. If you slept in one bed with her and exchanged kisses, you'll already in the train. Respect her boundaries and keep that pace of doing what feels right rather than moving things too fast - but by all means, do show interest in asking her out, especially in the beginning it's welcome is a guy makes some effort.

And for your question - you don't have to ask permission to see her again as much as if she has the mood for it. So anything like: do you want to meet this weekend/how about/wanna go to a beer this friday should be fine. And asking: when I can see you again or when are we meeting again are both cool too I think because they have more or less the same meaning in fact. If she wants to meet you, she won't concentrate on technicals of the proposition. That's what I think at least.

Relax Everything is going fine.

 

You don't know what will come out of it - something good, or will it fall apart pretty soon - but it's not anything you can control. Dating is not a game to play with always guessing the right things to say or do. It's something driven by two people and their dynamics. Even if you make a mistake, if your dynamics is strong and the other person likes you, it won't matter. If there isn't, then even if you do everything perfect and flawless, still nothing will happen, because it wasn't meant to be.

 

You wrote on another thread that you're afraid your anxiety could scare potential girls away. I think your anxiety something that makes you uncomfortable rather than people around you. You have to carry its burden on your shoulders, and to other people it's really not that visible or uncomfortable as you think. The burden of overthinking is something you struggle with, but other people won't even know that you put all that effort in saying/doing the right thing, and if they like you, they will think all that you say or do is cool. Don't have anxiety about having anxiety, because it will make dating an exhausting experience for you, not as much for your dates. The bigger obstacle in dating, rather than the wrong words used, is this exhaustion of energy, that you stop being spontaneous, the dating energy doesn't flow freely between two people to power the dynamics forward, but gets stuck in anxiety. So relax For your sake.

 

Also, you should never think of girls as if you are lucky to find anyone who likes you back, just because you have little dating experience. From what I'm reading you've already found two women who sort of liked you in relatively short time? Anyway, more will come, if it won't work out this time. When you are with a girl, be with her fully mentally. Don't think if you're doing something right or wrong, that your train to dating is about to run away It won't run away. Think about that right now you have some opportunity to spend time with this awesome person, get to know her for who she is, get to do whatever feels right between you to at any moment. If you slept in one bed with her and exchanged kisses, you'll already in the train. Respect her boundaries and keep that pace of doing what feels right rather than moving things too fast - but by all means, do show interest in asking her out, especially in the beginning it's welcome is a guy makes some effort.

 

And for your question - you don't have to ask permission to see her again as much as if she has the mood for it. So anything like: do you want to meet this weekend/how about/wanna go to a beer this friday should be fine. And asking: when I can see you again or when are we meeting again are both cool too I think because they have more or less the same meaning in fact. If she wants to meet you, she won't concentrate on technicals of the proposition. That's what I think at least.

eventually she came back saying yes are you? But didn't mention the previous conversation we have spoke a little but now I'm apprehensive about bringing the subject back up although I need to obviously. Should I wait abit or ask her again? Thanks.

BTW when she didn't reply all day I got really depressed cause I already like her I know it's one date but we just seemed to click it was pretty amazing that's why I was so taken back when she didn't accept a 2nd date straight away I'm wondering if she has issues herself which I'm fine with just need to get her to let me in I think?

I really appreciate your comments fire really I'm so thankful. Ps. I'm so scared she will either not let me in or just fall out of interest in me.

I really appreciate your comments fire really I'm so thankful. Ps. I'm so scared she will either not let me in or just fall out of interest in me.

When I read back what I have wrote I think she must like me otherwise she would be gone deleted me and maybe she has issues herself or some bad history either that or she is just slowly trying to get rid of me because she doesn't want to point blank reject me although I have her on facebook and Snapchat and her phone number

Well, I can't say what she wants or doesn't want. Manners are out the window with online dating, so don't take it too much to heart if she does disappear. Most importantly, good for you for taking the risk! Sounds like the date went well and like a lot of your fears were unfounded.

Well, I can't say what she wants or doesn't want. Manners are out the window with online dating, so don't take it too much to heart if she does disappear. Most importantly, good for you for taking the risk! Sounds like the date went well and like a lot of your fears were unfounded.

The main thing I need help with is after her dodging the question about meeting again after not answering for a while do I ask her again or wait abit. Bearing in mind back when we first talked I asked her out she said she wanted to know me abit first then it was her who asked me to meet her about a week later should I wait and hope for the same thing to happen?

I'd back off and focus on meeting other people.

I'd back off and focus on meeting other people.

Hey I've been avoiding the conversation a little and I don't presume to know you or what you've been through the short time we have spoken but I would like to see you again but I'm willing to go at whatever pace you want to however fast or slow that may be xx hopefully I didn't sound like a complete idiot x

You know your probably right but I can't do that not yet anyway I've decided when we get talking again (it's been little texts here Nd there) I will say this what do you think?

 

Hey I've been avoiding the conversation a little and I don't presume to know you or what you've been through the short time we have spoken but I would like to see you again but I'm willing to go at whatever pace you want to however fast or slow that may be xx hopefully I didn't sound like a complete idiot x

I think you made the error of agreeing to meet a woman who is not ready to date, and she implies she is unlikeable (you like her and she says that you don't know her very well). Also, you slept in her bed after a night at the bar -- the first meet should be more brief - coffee, a drink, lunch, a stroll in the park vs a marathon. That way, you can decide if the person is worth seeing again without alcohol or the lateness of the evening influencing you. you want them to leave wanting more - not go from stranger to bed in several hours

Don't be discouraged - try again - but if a woman is lukewarm at best about meeting you or seeing you again - just move on.

1) Don't be dishonest about the time you've been single, but you don't have to dish out every single detail if you're not comfortable with it! You can just say "a really long time"."

2) Ask her about herself! People generally love talking about themselves. Ask about interests, hobbies, favorites, etc. Once she responds with something, relate that to your own experiences and/or ask another related question.

You know your probably right but I can't do that not yet anyway I've decided when we get talking again (it's been little texts here Nd there) I will say this what do you think?

 

Hey I've been avoiding the conversation a little and I don't presume to know you or what you've been through the short time we have spoken but I would like to see you again but I'm willing to go at whatever pace you want to however fast or slow that may be xx hopefully I didn't sound like a complete idiot x

I think you’re overinvesting in her. I really think you should meet a bunch of different girls and slow the pace down. Keep your heart out of the blender.