Is there a chance?

Hi everyone,

My name is Patrick and I am 23 years old.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, because she was no longer attracted to me like she used to be.

She is also 23 years old and we were madly in love for 2,5 years.

The past 1,5-2 months drove us apart, because of her illness.

She was not feeling well enough to invest time in me and I could not invest time in her because of the same reasons.

When she felt good, everything was great between us.

In those past 1,5-2 months we were still having sex once or twice every weekend (we only saw each other in the weekends).

We even had sex twice the weekend before we broke up.

She also still got pretty wet sometimes.

Now she told me that her feelings have faded.

I know that she still loves me, but she isn't in love with me.

She told me that she still thinks I am very cute and sweet, so that's not the issue here.

I am now doing no contact, to get myself together, but I also hope she will come back.

I think she is very confused, because you dont have sex with a "friend" right? Let alone get wet...

Do you guys think she will realise what I was to her?

If not, I am going to contact her in 2-3 weeks to see if I can create a spark again.

Do you think there is still a chance for me?

It all happened so fast and I cannot understand why she would throw away a relationship of 2,5 years after 2 months of distance.

2 months ago I know 100% sure that she was the happiest girl in the world with me.

Sure we have had some issues, but everyone has.

Please some advice.

Advice of getting over her is not appreciated, I am sorry but I am not letting go before giving it one last try.

2 months ago I know 100% sure that she was the happiest girl in the world with me..

And I thought that was God's gift alone! You did not know for sure because nobody knows for sure what's in another person's head.

Even before reading you other post (she kissed another guy?), I thought she was already over you mentally / emotionally.

Begging & pleading like a needy puppy is very unattractive. You have already dropped from her estimation beyond the point of no return.

Sorry buddy. If there is any hope whatsoever of her getting back with you, it rests with her contacting you not through further grovelling.

There is always a chance for a lot of things.

First off just because she had sex with you and was turned on doesn't mean anything.

Secondly her illness had nothing to do with this either.

She started becoming distant because she was interested in another guy, the guy she kissed. I seriously doubt she just walked up to some stranger and made out with him so you know they have been around each other and it went so far as making out or possibly more.

She cheated on you by kissing another guy and has formed an emotional connection with him and turned her love for you off and towards him more than likely.

It easy to want to believe she is confused or this will pass and look for crumbs of evidence to support what you really want to believe so you don't have to face the real truth. It is over and from your other thread probably should have been over some time ago. These on again off again relationships usually end but somehow linger for months or years and years with big fights, a break up and then get back together only to repeat the whole thing in a month or two down the road.

Stick to NC and look at the relationship clearly and see what you see. I bet you will find there are a lot of red flags you ignored just to stay together.

Lost

I left the kissing out, because this has nothing to do with it.

Sure, her feelings were less which resulted in it.

She was kissed by a guy and she kissed back for a few seconds before backing of shocked and feeling regret.

She was also on XTC that night, which might played a role.

I know you guys mean well, but this is not important for me right now.

We are not an on-and-off relationship and yes her illness did create distance. I am asking you for help, not for giving your opinion if my facts are right. As I said, 2 months ago we were insanely happy with each other, this happened out of nowhere because of her illness.

I left the kissing out, because this has nothing to do with it.

Sure, her feelings were less which resulted in it.

She was kissed by a guy and she kissed back for a few seconds before backing of shocked and feeling regret.

She was also on XTC that night, which might played a role.

I know you guys mean well, but this is not important for me right now.

We are not an on-and-off relationship and yes her illness did create distance. I am asking you for help, not for giving your opinion if my facts are right. As I said, 2 months ago we were insanely happy with each other, this happened out of nowhere because of her illness.

What illness?

I understand your situation well. How long ago was your last conversation and what did you guys talk about?

@rosephase

She was in the hospital for a few days, because of a sudden fever of 41+ C.

After this, she had a lot of headaches, pain in her eye, numb feeling in her face.

She is mentally very weak and thought she had a tumor.

She was very busy with herself and her health in her mind.

@ClumsyGuy

Thanks! Feels good to chat with someone that understands me.

Our last conversation was when we broke up, so about 2 weeks ago.

It was very loving, we cried together and hugged and even kissed (just short kisses of love, no tongue or anything).

We talked everything through and finished it very loving and respectfull.

Even though I am very sad that it ended, I am happy that we finished it like this.

She did text me about a week later (1,5 week back) asking me how I was doing and she said that she hoped that I was doing fine.

I replied in a long text that I will be allright and that I forgave her for everything and I hoped she did the same.

I didn't want to appear as being weak or broken, but I did want her to know that I still love her and I hope she is OK.

If you want to know, I did reset my No Contact rule... haha

From now on, I will not reply to her texts whatsoever, but I do not expect one.

I made it very clear that I don't want any sort of contact.

There is always a chance for a lot of things.

 

First off just because she had sex with you and was turned on doesn't mean anything.

 

Secondly her illness had nothing to do with this either.

 

She started becoming distant because she was interested in another guy, the guy she kissed. I seriously doubt she just walked up to some stranger and made out with him so you know they have been around each other and it went so far as making out or possibly more.

 

She cheated on you by kissing another guy and has formed an emotional connection with him and turned her love for you off and towards him more than likely.

 

It easy to want to believe she is confused or this will pass and look for crumbs of evidence to support what you really want to believe so you don't have to face the real truth. It is over and from your other thread probably should have been over some time ago. These on again off again relationships usually end but somehow linger for months or years and years with big fights, a break up and then get back together only to repeat the whole thing in a month or two down the road.

 

Stick to NC and look at the relationship clearly and see what you see. I bet you will find there are a lot of red flags you ignored just to stay together.

 

Lost

exactly

Not getting the answers you want is not easy.

If she isn't attracted to you any longer what are the chances she will all of a sudden be attracted to you? You are who you are but if you want to improve yourself FOR yourself then go NC and work on becoming a better person, getting things done you wanted to do and reconnect with old friends and get your life where you want it as a single young man. Doesn't that sound attractive to a woman?

Lets say her taking ecstasy and kissing some guy or her illness or any other excuse/reason that may be out there did cause this break up. What happens the next time she is high or ill? or anything? Will she suddenly change how she feels for you and dump you?

The thing about love is that it holds us together in the tough times not the great times. Heck it is easy to be in love when everything is going perfect right?

Step back and work on your life and self. She will hear about it and who knows you may run into each other one day and get back together.

Lost

Is she merely questioning her feelings towards you or is she `not attracted to you' in a physical sense?

There is a difference.

You can lose romantic feelings for someone and still have good sex with them. It makes perfect sense seeing the two of you have been together for a while.

You both know exactly what buttons to push. Just because she responded to you sexually doesn't mean the relationship will last.

You should do yourself a favor and not blame a mystery fever on her change of heart. You could very well be missing the bigger picture here.

@rosephase

She was in the hospital for a few days, because of a sudden fever of 41+ C.

After this, she had a lot of headaches, pain in her eye, numb feeling in her face.

She is mentally very weak and thought she had a tumor.

She was very busy with herself and her health in her mind.

 

@ClumsyGuy

Thanks! Feels good to chat with someone that understands me.

Our last conversation was when we broke up, so about 2 weeks ago.

It was very loving, we cried together and hugged and even kissed (just short kisses of love, no tongue or anything).

We talked everything through and finished it very loving and respectfull.

Even though I am very sad that it ended, I am happy that we finished it like this.

She did text me about a week later (1,5 week back) asking me how I was doing and she said that she hoped that I was doing fine.

I replied in a long text that I will be allright and that I forgave her for everything and I hoped she did the same.

I didn't want to appear as being weak or broken, but I did want her to know that I still love her and I hope she is OK.

If you want to know, I did reset my No Contact rule... haha

From now on, I will not reply to her texts whatsoever, but I do not expect one.

I made it very clear that I don't want any sort of contact.

Aha alright. What is it that you want for yourself right now? Do you want to move on OR do you want to get back with her?

@lostandhurt

I agree that it is not easy, but after all the time we have been together, I am not giving up yet.

There is no closure for me after giving this one more shot.

If I think there is still a chance, why not give it a shot?

She has hurt me a lot and this should indeed never happen again, but giving up on 2,5 years from one day to another...

That's something I cannot and will not do.

It is not an excuse, the distance was suddenly there, also my feelings were less because of this.

She was very busy with herself and her own health instead of me/our relationship.

The difference is that I think that all will be fine and the feelings will come back with time and effort.

"The thing about love is that it holds us together in the tough times not the great times. Heck it is easy to be in love when everything is going perfect right?"

I think this is a very nice quote, thanks, I will keep this in mind.

Maybe love will hold us together, maybe not.

I will try to win her over for the last time.

If this won't work, I will choose for myself, I can assure you.

But do you think that it is possible for her to fall for me again? (there is nothing going on with other guys, I am 100% sure)

She fell for me once...

You may shatter my dreams if you think differently.

@reinventmyself

She still is attracted to me in a physical sense I guess...

She says I'm still very cute.

So I guess you are right there, thanks.

@ClumsyGuy

I want to get back with her.

From the moment we met I knew that she was everything that I seek in a woman (I am very very picky).

Yes I have thought about the bad things, but she really was a great girlfriend to me in most ways.

I am not blinded by love to know that our relationship could still work.

We were not only lovers, we were best friends.

Winning her back is not the answer. Her coming back on her own is. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do the things I mentioned and just hope she notices and knows you still care. Get started on YOU and then after some time has passed see if there is a way to test the waters.

Give her some time to miss you though and wonder what you are up to. Don't tell her things like "I will wait for you" or anything like that. Be mysterious so she has to think about you a lot.

What ever you do don't stop your life for her, keep on living and having fun.

Lost