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Thread: 5 years & still no ring.

  1. #1

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    5 years & still no ring.

    my boyfriends 23 & I'm 21. We've been together since I was 15 & him 17. He has a good paying full time job and I'm a junior in college. We both still live with our parents. I'm tired of living at home. We talk about moving in together but it only goes in circles.
    I know it seems crazy for a 21 year old to want to get that pretty ring on her finger so young.
    But I feel like I've known I've wanted to marry him since I was in high school. When I talk to him about it, his excuse is that he wants to wait until we're living together & we're both financially stable. Which I understand and agree on. So why is it that everytime I see someone post about their engagement on social media or it bothers me.
    He swears he loves me and that I'm the person he plans on being with for the rest of his life. But his actions show otherwise. For one, he follows random girls from my university that he doesn't even know. And not just one or two girls. It's more like 25-40 random girls I don't even know. When I ask him about it he says it's not a big deal. 2. He's fine with cancelling plans with me if it involves hunting or doing something for one of his friends. An three he never goes out of his way for me anymore. I don't know wether I should leave & move on with my life or stick around and show that I'm willing to wait. As pathetic as it may seem. I'm emotionally and completely torn with my life's at a age I know I shouldn't be. I just feel like if I end it now I'll be giving up everything I was hoping for, for so long.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    What's the point in hoping for what you're hoping for with a guy that is taking you for granted? I can understand why he would want to wait to get engaged until you at least finish school and have a full time job but to ignore you, not show you that he values you anymore, to follow dozens of random girls on social media and then dismiss your concerns when you ask him about it, is not understandable.

    He takes you for granted because he knows you are the type that will take his indifference. He doesn't have to work at all to keep you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    What prevents you from moving out on your own?
    You may or may not marry this guy but you don't need to put your life on hold for anyone.

    Being the mother of 2 young adult sons, I would probably suggest you move on from this. Young people grow at a rapid pace and you
    two are likely not at the same place you were years ago.

    Young men intrinsically need to feel like they've accomplished some things before they get married.
    Based on his actions I would say he's no where near ready. You can wait. . but in the meantime get busy with your life.
    You will either end up on the same path or move on to someone better suited to each other as adults.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Sadly, it sounds like your boyfriend has become too complacent. He has indeed taken you for granted. Once that pattern/dynamic has been set, sadly it's very difficult to turn things around. He is not ready for marriage and he lacks the maturity needed to get to the next level. You have grown up in different directions. He is indeed too young for marriage but the complacency part is the real problem and the reason that waiting around for him to snap out of it is too risky and likely time wasted. You need to sound the alarm bell that things need to change. Make him realise that things are heading South. If he works with you as a team to find a compromise and turn things around, great. If not, then it was not meant to be.
    Set some internal deadlines and stick to them.

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  6. #5
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    I only thing 5 years is a long time if you were both fully adults those 5 years. You were children for part of that time. At 21, focus on going to trade school, a certification, college- whatever that sets you up in life. Right now, he is young and doesn't want to be married. That's reasonable.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    You two have been together for five years, starting when you were both young adults, and now as you move into full adulthood, you are envious of your friends and other people who are getting engaged, because you don't have that fat rock on your finger that you can show off. After years together, your fairytale is not coming true fast enough. Likely both of you have only ever been with each other. When you move into your adulthood and have only been with one other person, your curiosity can start to go wild. He is enjoying the beginning of his adulthood because it gives him a certain freedom he did not have as a teenager. You, however, want to tie him down.

    Honestly, I think if you are not satisfied with where things are with you both, then perhaps you should take a break from the relationship and evaluate whether he is, in fact, the person you should be with. You might be surprised to discover that there are better men out there for you, at a place where you want to be.

    And your bf might not be ready to take the next step, and that is perfectly fine. It does not necessarily should immaturity on his part, just as you wanting to get married does not mean you are acting with maturity. You are at different stages and if you are not happy that he is not jumping through the hoops you want him to, then find someone that will.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd move out on my own or with roommates. I'd also ask myself, "If this is the most that BF will offer me--no less, but no more--do I want to stay or go?" If the answer is stay, then there you are, and if the answer is go, the next question becomes, "When?"

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    Originally Posted by Lonegirl
    I just feel like if I end it now I'll be giving up everything I was hoping for, for so long.
    You're young. If not him, there will be someone. Don't ever be in a relationship because you think it's your last chance.

    Good luck and all the best!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Longview01's Avatar
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    I made my now wife wait 9 years


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