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Thread: Journal..

  1. #31
    Silver Member Piaresssss's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Well everything the same for me buddy. The last 5 xmas with her and the kids. I'm going to work through xmas this year. I may as well....

    NC going ok over here mate. Found the gym today so will be starting that up.

    Very proud of you for not cracking and contacting her. As you say, there's no point.

    Well actually there IS a point... It will make you feel like sh*t again and undo all the work you've done up to this point!

    I'm sure the last years meant something to our exs. It's just they started their exit plans way before you and I were even aware of it..!

    And as you know, I helped mine through it..!

    She can't forget you though. That is physically impossible, unless you get a frontal lobotomy.

    Sadly though, just because they think of us from time to time doesn't mean they're gonna come back.....

    No Contact is hard, damn hard, and not many people can go through it without cracking.

    And so by not contacting her you are sending out the message: I am different. I have strength. I have courage. I have wisdom. I have dignity.

    Very attractive traits my friend*

    Keep it movin' Brother.
    Carus*

    So much truth in what you say here Carus. I broke nc the other day as i had to sort out a bill and i feel so bad.

    Im angry at myslef for not sorting it out earlier but angry at her for contacting me when i asked her not to.

    I hope you are right about the meassages being sent out by nc. Thise are the traits i have to get across.

  2. #32
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    Use the anger Piaresssss!
    Dear Carus, we will help each other through this shxt.. one day at a time.
    You are bang on, she emotionally checked out of the RS about a month beforehand (although there was alot of stringing along..)
    No contact is crucial to me, so I need to keep it going!
    Have a good day buddy.

  3. #33
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    Morning all,

    12 days NC so far. The usual morning pangs, but they are to be expected I guess.

    Actually thinking back abit in the last day, about things I could have done differently, since the split. It's strange as the news I received 2 weeks ago makes it all irrelevant anyway. It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you even when you stare the truth in the face!

    Today is going to be very tough as seeing at least 3 different mutual people in 3 different places. This will be a big test of my resolve.

    If I can get through today relatively unscathed it will make me stronger.

    Although it's been 8 weeks since the split, it still feels very fresh. Seeing her face or hearing her voice is seeming a distant memory though.

    I hope everyone has a good day.

  4. #34
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    Hi all,

    13 days no contact, 8 weeks post break-up text.

    This is tough.

    Feels like 2 steps backwards this morning.

    Saw the mutual friend (who knew all along).. tried shaking my hand like nothing had happened. Shook his hand and walked away. He should have told me weeks ago.

    Then a friend, who was trying to snap me out of it, informs me of all the happiness shown for my ex on her new relationship status last week. That hurt alot. Why should I be surprised/ bothered. I knew it all along.

    Feeling very low today.

    Wish me luck...

  5.  

  6. #35
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Sorry you're getting all these triggers mate. They really are speed bumps in your road to healing.

    It tells me though that you are not deep enough in NC.

    Keep working on detaching yourself from it and these tests will fade into the ether.....

    Keep redirecting your thoughts. Whenever you start thinking about her or the situation, crack that whip and say NO!, I ain't gonna think about that, and then think about something else... Food or even song lyrics...anything!

    Rinse & Repeat until you get there.

    Jedi Mind Trick*
    8-)

  7. #36
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    Thanks Carus.
    I knew yesterday would be difficult and it was. Just have to deal with it and move on.
    How are you getting on buddy?

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Going ok. I will update my journal tonight after work. Thanks for asking*

    Carus*

  9. #38
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    2 weeks no contact (since the bombshell) 8 weeks and a day post break-up.
    3am wake up's are not the one! Why are the mornings like this?!
    In the main, I am living life as to be expected.. my son is happy, work is o.k, eating o.k, seeing friends and family when possible..
    How I was treated still continues to torment me and play on my mind.
    I can accept a relationship ending, just not the way it has been since, the lies, deceit, coldness etc. I will make my own closure one day.
    Talking and writing about it helps no end..
    I hope everyone has a great Friday.. especially dear Carus! Keep it up buddy
    Last edited by sputnik123; 12-01-2017 at 05:56 AM.

  10. #39
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    Good morning everyone,

    15 days No Contact.. chances of me initiating direct contact are zero.. I think it's about the same going the other way!

    Going to go xmas shopping today.. the first one in 4 that you are not involved in. Times have changed.

    The more I think about you, the more i acknowledge how deeply flawed you are. The gloss is coming off.

    Why is it I care so much though? Why couldn't you just do the right thing?

    My thoughts turn to whether you will bother with a xmas card, as a way to try and assuage some of the guilt you must feel (in your mind it would seem a fair trade).

    Not sure what I would do, to be honest.. my initial thought would be to rip it to shreds and send it back. I don't think I would do that though.

    I am accepting the situation I am now in, but never the way it was done.

    Anger and sadness are in my mind and heart.. in equal measure.

    The start of x-mas month, with my boy, who you never made feel welcome in your life. I hate you for that.

    Found out about the lies you told to justify what you did. I must use this as a motivational tool to keep you from my life.

    Need space from the town where I live, but there are ties that I cannot break just yet. The time will thankfully come in a few months.

    I hope all have a great Saturday and that Carus has had a better day..

  11. #40
    Member insideoutch's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sputnik123
    Good morning everyone,

    15 days No Contact.. chances of me initiating direct contact are zero.. I think it's about the same going the other way!

    Going to go xmas shopping today.. the first one in 4 that you are not involved in. Times have changed.

    The more I think about you, the more i acknowledge how deeply flawed you are. The gloss is coming off.

    Why is it I care so much though? Why couldn't you just do the right thing?

    My thoughts turn to whether you will bother with a xmas card, as a way to try and assuage some of the guilt you must feel (in your mind it would seem a fair trade).

    Not sure what I would do, to be honest.. my initial thought would be to rip it to shreds and send it back. I don't think I would do that though.

    I am accepting the situation I am now in, but never the way it was done.

    Anger and sadness are in my mind and heart.. in equal measure.

    The start of x-mas month, with my boy, who you never made feel welcome in your life. I hate you for that.

    Found out about the lies you told to justify what you did. I must use this as a motivational tool to keep you from my life.

    Need space from the town where I live, but there are ties that I cannot break just yet. The time will thankfully come in a few months.

    I hope all have a great Saturday and that Carus has had a better day..
    Sputnik123: You are doing good and keep up the good fight. I know how hard it is but time will surely heal you, keep up the good fight my dear. It's especially harder now bc of the holiday season but you will get through it. Perhaps you should get a gift for yourself for doing so well with NC for 15 days, and can also use that as a reminder to not give in whenever your feeling weak.

    I am a hopeless romantic that believes love will conquer all. When I'm in love with someone, I will fight for them, and with them till the end. But, how can a fight exist when the other person doesn't want to be part of it? Imagine how silly one looks standing there throwing punches in the air alone...lol... Well, that was me 2 days ago. I realized, what's the point? He doesn't care because if he did he would be here standing next to me, side by side, fighting for "US". It doesn't matter how much they say they love, care, and misses you. The truth is, they are not HERE with US right now. They left us to suffer this excruciating pain alone. Love shouldn't hurt, and when it does, the love is gone. I still love and care for my ex but he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Everytime I surrender the NC because the pain is so unbearable he responds back with the most cold hearted text that left me dying by the second. I wasn't human for the past 27 days since he broke up with me. I ask myself every day, "What happened between us?" "What did I do wrong?" "When did he stop loving me when he promised me a lifetime together?" "How can he be so cold hearted the minute he broke up with me?" "What do I do?" "Will I ever survive this pain?" All these questions did me no good but added more salt to my wound. My best friend couldn't bear seeing the state I was in anymore that she yelled at me to snap out of it and to stop crying over someone that doesn't want me anymore. All the things she said makes is true but it didn't influence me at all. I gave my one last fight for him, he finally tore my heart out and make me realized that I meant nothing to him. Since then I started fighting for myself, better myself, focus on myself, work on myself and give my heart to someone that wants it and is worthy of it. I still miss him in the mornings but I am getting better by the minute.

    I will start a journal some day as a reminder and to motivate myself to keep up the good fight not only for myself but for others that are hurting as well.

    Keep up the good fight! Take good care of yourself and your son. I am a weakling. If I can do this so can YOU!

    Insideoutch (xbear hugx)

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