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hi all,

 

I have seen some people on here comment that it really helps to write a journal of thoughts and a track of progress..

I hope people don't mind if I can leave my thoughts on here.

Basically, my ex (of 3 years) split up with me just over 6 weeks ago, saying she wanted to "be on her own for a while".

Fast forward to last week and I find out that she has already gone official with someone I know (he was actually hovering on my fb for that duration too).

Devastated isn't the word and it provides a closure of sorts, but boy, does it hurt like hell.

I aim to never contact her again, it would only cause me more pain and the way she has treated me in the last few weeks I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but you can't help who you love and fall for, even if it's wrong.

I guess you could call this my new Day zero with trying to deal with it (no contact for 3 days - I foolishly emailed her when I found out the news).

This site is a wonderful source of comfort and there are many fantastic people here.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I feel very weak at the moment.

As an additional problem, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone's business and it feels like I was one of the last to find out the "truth".

I feel abit trapped and alone in my thoughts.

I need to get over her!!!

 

Thanks all. I aim to write on this daily.

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Sputnik,

 

I'm so sorry to hear that. Please do post on here...I am in torturous pain right now and it does help to read others stories and know that I'm not as alone as I feel...

 

I will say this about journaling and these forums in general: They are a HUGE and much needed source of support, but it does keep you somewhat attached to your ex and the situation...

 

But definitely worth doing...

 

Carus*

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Ah, the wonderful Carus.

 

Great to hear from you. I have seen many of your thoughtful and insightful posts.

 

Yes, I see your point about attachment to the situation. I will see how I get on..

 

Right now it feels unbelievably raw. I haven't seen her in a month and I haven't seen her with him, yet..

 

I guess I have that to look forward to

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Thankyou for your kind words...

 

I'm trying to help others right now coz I think it does help and takes the focus of your own situation, even if briefly...

 

But I truly am at rock bottom here and nothing seems to be able to soothe me.....

 

Let's hope tomorrow is a better day...

 

If anything, it IS a day closer to better*

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Hi all,

 

The dreaded 3am wake up again, then the dawning realisation.. Mornings are truly horrible!

 

Yesterday was a slightly better day, but feel melancholy again.

 

No longer have the hope that I will get a text or call.. Why would I? the truth that she is with someone else is now well known.

 

Can't bear the thought of seeing them together, but no doubt it will happen soon.

 

Trying to keep busy, but it's on my mind so much

 

4 days no contact.

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Keep it up buddy. It will get better so long as you don't fall in a heap and keep the rest of your life going.

 

Their RS will run it's own course and the best thing you can do is be gone and stay gone...

 

I have little doubt that you will love again...

 

Give good love. Be the best you can be and you never know what's coming...

 

The mornings are definitely the worst and I have to force myself out of bed...

 

When I wake up at those stupid hours I get my phone and listen to stuff on YouTube... Stuff like Chaz Ellis and Mouth of the Ape...This seems to help...

 

Carus*

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Hey Sputnik, Hope you're doin' ok....

 

As I mentioned, I make YouTube playlists on my iPhone and when I wake up to the horrible reality, at what ever hour, I put these back on...

 

I found a couple of ones today from the Ape which really soothed me and I thought I would post them here for you. Hope they help:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hey Sputnik, I saw you posted on another thread yesterday and was going to reply but forgot.

 

We seem to be in the same boat (along with about 10 other people on here)

Technically, my ex of 4 years split from me about 3 months ago, in that time she had a mini 'crisis' and I helped her through that (which in hindsight I should not have done), we got close, flirty & chatty until last week when bam, she went cold again, and basically 'broke up' with me again! Turns out 1 day later her relationship status had changed and there's someone else...

 

I 100% feel your pain, i can relate to the girl saying she was 'concentrating on herself' & the old classic 'giving up guys for 6 months' - and the pain of being lied to and made to feel horrendous by someone you thought cared so, so much about you.

 

You're doing the right thing, everyone says keeping busy & time will help you through this, and the fact is it will. Try to stay occupied as much as possible; work, hobbies seeing friends, even driving - anything that makes the mind focus on something other than it's own thoughts.

Stay NC, i'm doing the same now (finally) and although it's hard, it does get easier. Don't feel weak because you want to get in contact, she was your bestfriend and we've lost that, we've lost the person we can speak to about anything and that just doesn't get better in a week. I'm finding staying off social media & my phone very helpful, as that's when I tend to dig and snoop (that's the way I found out about her relationship status).

Using this forum helps, as it's nice to know others are going through the same thing. You're doing well writing a journal too, getting the negative thoughts out of your head can help too.

 

I wont sugarcoat this for you though, dealing with emotional trauma's like this are far from easy. You read on here about people going through the same thing and sometimes it seems like they're doing a lot better than you, or coping better than you are. Trust me, sometimes I may sound like i'm doing well but i've had times where I want to break down and cry about our past together. I've had times where the anger and the hurt occupy my entire mind, and I honestly wonder how my best friend of 8 years (yup, i'd known her that long) can be so cruel towards me.

The fact is we're all here to encourage you and to try and make you feel better, hopefully we will, but we also share and understand the pain you're in. It's hard to write down how much it hurts sometimes, but trust me on this, I know what you're going though.

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Hi Sicx,

 

I really appreciate your post on this. I actually had a tear in my eye reading it, purely to the fact I know EXACTLY what you are going through.

What must have made it much worse for you was that she made it look like there was hope of a reconciliation (only to be cruelly taken away, then the Fb nonsense).

I actually came off Fb last Friday, only for a mutual friend to tell me within around an hour that my ex had then changed her status. In the back of my mind I always knew there was something like this as she had just switched off for the last 6 weeks prior, like I didn't exist.

She had also been going through a crisis of sorts, just turned 30, wants to change job etc, around the time she finished it by text.

Yes, I have a job, a wonderful son, friends and a close family, but this has knocked me sideways.

Relationships end, yes, but you only get to see the true character of someone at the end and afterwards. I really regret spending the first week of the break-up in a kind of denial and seeing if it could be turned around.. no doubt the guy she is with was privvy to everything said (as I mentioned, I know him).

 

I have not seen her (or him) for 5 weeks, but I am sure that will change soon.

 

No contact is truly the only way forward from here and since last week's developments (she always denied anything), I fully never expect to hear from her again either.

The primary issue is the location where I live and there are alot of reminders (places/people) that easily stir up emotions. Hopefully that does ease with time.

 

It's very comforting (but also sad) that people are going through this too.

 

Thanks again Sicx for your thoughts and time. Please keep up your NC and progress.. you seem like a decent, genuine guy

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Well the answer is no.

 

It might work for a while but going from one relationship straight to another is fraught with danger and land mines!

 

Sure the honeymoon stage might bring some short term comfort, but....

 

Glad you're going to work. I've made it in today but I'm struggling.

 

The disrupted sleep patterns does not help at all....

 

We get very emotionally fragile when tired.

 

Stay strong Sputnik. I think about you during my day and it brings me a little strength.

 

Tomorrow is another day closer*

 

Carus*

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Hi Carus,

Sorry you had a rough one today.. please hang on in there!

Also, please know you are in my, and many others', thoughts.

You are also right on all your points above.. at the moment, the ex is definitely in the "honeymoon" period and I may as well be invisible (to her), but I cannot allow that to be my concern, regardless of the pain.

Not a bad day at work, all things considered..need to keep the mind occupied and the body healthy!

6 days no contact.

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8 days no contact.. not going to break on this, but am very likely to see people she knows this week.

 

Not looking forward to that at all!!!

 

Trying to keep busy, but I still find myself thinking about her alot and what she is up to.

 

Still surprises and hurts that someone could be so cold.. I guess that make it much easier for her to move on etc.

 

Keep going guys and try and enjoy the weekend.

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8 days is nothing so it's no wonder you still think about her all the time....

 

6 days out for me now and I'm the same...although it IS starting to shift now....

 

Have you been watching the Ape videos..? He speaks with a lot of compassion and has some good vids about how to start not thinking about you ex so much...Time will also help with this....

 

Keep it moving Buddy*

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Apologies for the longer post guys.. I just need to get some things off my chest.

 

9 days No contact and ~7 weeks post break up.

 

Why are you still constantly in my thoughts? You don't even deserve to be!

 

The way you ended it and your behaviour since has been disgusting. You know that I am powerless to do anything about it.

 

Why do I still look at my phone and expect a message?! What could you possibly say to me at this stage anyway. The truth is finally out.

 

The whole town knows what you did and I now feel isolated and trapped.

 

It would have helped me if you were honest and decent about things. Would that have been too much to ask?

 

Weekends are the worst.. This is the time we would have been together and now there is just my replacement with you instead.

 

I hate you for what you did and I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

 

Even after you had started cheating we were making plans for the future.. Who does that?!

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Hi Sputnik, Carus,

 

Been reading your thread and meaning to post for a while.

 

Same situation here, ex of 10 years, lived together for 8, brought our first house 2 years ago. She initiated the split as she didn’t know what she wanted anymore and to go figure it out (I understand that, but it still stings none the less).

 

Think I’m around 1.5 months NC now, and 3.5 since the breakup. I experienced all the same things you guys are, sadness, anger, some very weird dreams …. But being this far into NC I know I am in a better place than I once was. I still get moments of sadness as is to be expecting having been with someone for that long, but I just try to embrace that storm cloud and let it pass dissipate naturally.

 

You guys are doing the right thing; keep up the NC and the journaling, and posting on here when you can. It really does get better in time, you can do it keep pushing forward.

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Hi Gettingup,

Many thanks for your time in posting.

10 years, living together for 8 - sounds very tough mate.

In my experience, if someone walks, there is invariably someone else waiting in the wings (regardless of what they tell you at the time).

Well done on the NC.. I think it does help alot and there usually isn't much of an alternative, is there?!

Yes, some days are better than others (this weekend has been very tough) and the trick is to keep as busy as possible I guess.

Writing our thoughts definitely helps and keeps us from the (pointless) ex contact.

Thanks again Gettingup.

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