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Thread: Journal..

  1. #11
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    Thanks mate.

    I will try these out.. much appreciated

    I saw your update today.. just remember how special a person you are!

  2. #12
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    Hey Sputnik, I saw you posted on another thread yesterday and was going to reply but forgot.

    We seem to be in the same boat (along with about 10 other people on here)
    Technically, my ex of 4 years split from me about 3 months ago, in that time she had a mini 'crisis' and I helped her through that (which in hindsight I should not have done), we got close, flirty & chatty until last week when bam, she went cold again, and basically 'broke up' with me again! Turns out 1 day later her relationship status had changed and there's someone else...

    I 100% feel your pain, i can relate to the girl saying she was 'concentrating on herself' & the old classic 'giving up guys for 6 months' - and the pain of being lied to and made to feel horrendous by someone you thought cared so, so much about you.

    You're doing the right thing, everyone says keeping busy & time will help you through this, and the fact is it will. Try to stay occupied as much as possible; work, hobbies seeing friends, even driving - anything that makes the mind focus on something other than it's own thoughts.
    Stay NC, i'm doing the same now (finally) and although it's hard, it does get easier. Don't feel weak because you want to get in contact, she was your bestfriend and we've lost that, we've lost the person we can speak to about anything and that just doesn't get better in a week. I'm finding staying off social media & my phone very helpful, as that's when I tend to dig and snoop (that's the way I found out about her relationship status).
    Using this forum helps, as it's nice to know others are going through the same thing. You're doing well writing a journal too, getting the negative thoughts out of your head can help too.

    I wont sugarcoat this for you though, dealing with emotional trauma's like this are far from easy. You read on here about people going through the same thing and sometimes it seems like they're doing a lot better than you, or coping better than you are. Trust me, sometimes I may sound like i'm doing well but i've had times where I want to break down and cry about our past together. I've had times where the anger and the hurt occupy my entire mind, and I honestly wonder how my best friend of 8 years (yup, i'd known her that long) can be so cruel towards me.
    The fact is we're all here to encourage you and to try and make you feel better, hopefully we will, but we also share and understand the pain you're in. It's hard to write down how much it hurts sometimes, but trust me on this, I know what you're going though.

  3. #13
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    Hi Sicx,

    I really appreciate your post on this. I actually had a tear in my eye reading it, purely to the fact I know EXACTLY what you are going through.
    What must have made it much worse for you was that she made it look like there was hope of a reconciliation (only to be cruelly taken away, then the Fb nonsense).
    I actually came off Fb last Friday, only for a mutual friend to tell me within around an hour that my ex had then changed her status. In the back of my mind I always knew there was something like this as she had just switched off for the last 6 weeks prior, like I didn't exist.
    She had also been going through a crisis of sorts, just turned 30, wants to change job etc, around the time she finished it by text.
    Yes, I have a job, a wonderful son, friends and a close family, but this has knocked me sideways.
    Relationships end, yes, but you only get to see the true character of someone at the end and afterwards. I really regret spending the first week of the break-up in a kind of denial and seeing if it could be turned around.. no doubt the guy she is with was privvy to everything said (as I mentioned, I know him).

    I have not seen her (or him) for 5 weeks, but I am sure that will change soon.

    No contact is truly the only way forward from here and since last week's developments (she always denied anything), I fully never expect to hear from her again either.
    The primary issue is the location where I live and there are alot of reminders (places/people) that easily stir up emotions. Hopefully that does ease with time.

    It's very comforting (but also sad) that people are going through this too.

    Thanks again Sicx for your thoughts and time. Please keep up your NC and progress.. you seem like a decent, genuine guy

  4. #14
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    Morning all,

    Just my initial thought before going to work...

    Are people really that instantly "replaceable?"

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Well the answer is no.

    It might work for a while but going from one relationship straight to another is fraught with danger and land mines!

    Sure the honeymoon stage might bring some short term comfort, but....

    Glad you're going to work. I've made it in today but I'm struggling.

    The disrupted sleep patterns does not help at all....

    We get very emotionally fragile when tired.

    Stay strong Sputnik. I think about you during my day and it brings me a little strength.

    Tomorrow is another day closer*

    Carus*

  7. #16
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    Hi Carus,
    Sorry you had a rough one today.. please hang on in there!
    Also, please know you are in my, and many others', thoughts.
    You are also right on all your points above.. at the moment, the ex is definitely in the "honeymoon" period and I may as well be invisible (to her), but I cannot allow that to be my concern, regardless of the pain.
    Not a bad day at work, all things considered..need to keep the mind occupied and the body healthy!
    6 days no contact.

  8. #17
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    8 days no contact.. not going to break on this, but am very likely to see people she knows this week.

    Not looking forward to that at all!!!

    Trying to keep busy, but I still find myself thinking about her alot and what she is up to.

    Still surprises and hurts that someone could be so cold.. I guess that make it much easier for her to move on etc.

    Keep going guys and try and enjoy the weekend.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    8 days is nothing so it's no wonder you still think about her all the time....

    6 days out for me now and I'm the same...although it IS starting to shift now....

    Have you been watching the Ape videos..? He speaks with a lot of compassion and has some good vids about how to start not thinking about you ex so much...Time will also help with this....

    Keep it moving Buddy*

  10. #19
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    cheers Carus,

    Yes, I find the Ape video's very insightful.. I really appreciate the tip.

    Enjoy your Sunday mate

  11. #20
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    Apologies for the longer post guys.. I just need to get some things off my chest.

    9 days No contact and ~7 weeks post break up.

    Why are you still constantly in my thoughts? You don't even deserve to be!

    The way you ended it and your behaviour since has been disgusting. You know that I am powerless to do anything about it.

    Why do I still look at my phone and expect a message?! What could you possibly say to me at this stage anyway. The truth is finally out.

    The whole town knows what you did and I now feel isolated and trapped.

    It would have helped me if you were honest and decent about things. Would that have been too much to ask?

    Weekends are the worst.. This is the time we would have been together and now there is just my replacement with you instead.

    I hate you for what you did and I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

    Even after you had started cheating we were making plans for the future.. Who does that?!

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