Confused situation not sure what to do. Need advice

Cutting the long boring winding story short.

I've been seeing this guy in a long distance way for 2 years now. I've known him for 5 years. We are not in an exclusive as the beginning both of us don't know what we want and I wasn't ready to go into a relationship after getting out of 10years relationship not long ago. He did mention he can give a relationship but we didn't talk about it after that.

Not long after, he got relocated to another state and told me I could visit him any time I'm free and I did many times now.

After a while I was falling for him but on the other hand I felt he was not ready to be in a relationship or may not want to right now as he's in his 40s busy with his businesses and enjoy having an independent life.

Whenever I visited, we have a fantastic time together but we never venture into the relationship topic though.

I'm confused and not sure what to do. I don't have the courage to ask him again about what is going on with us. A part of me want to just let go but I like him alot. I think I'm an idiot. Please help me.

Well, you didn't state any personal details, but if he was married and divorced previously, I'm guessing he's fine with a friends with benefits relationship. If you want something more, he may not be one one for you. Also, would you relocate to be with him? You wouldn't have much of a relationship if you weren't with him.

You could bring up the idea of moving to his city and finding out if he wants a deeper relationship or not. If he doesn't, then start looking for a man who likes you and wants to be in a relationship.

It's very clear what you have - a friends with benefits situation where you have a fantastic time when you're together, but nothing more. After two years, it's not unreasonable to wonder what the future of the relationship (using the term loosely) might be.

You need to explore the subject with him, and stay very, very honest. There's a risk that it might frighten him off altogether, but that will then leave you free to find someone who's genuinely available to you; if you're already considering ending the arrangement then it's much better to communicate rather than jump to conclusions and end things with no discussion.

On the other hand, he may surprise you. Has HE said he doesn't want a relationship, and that he's enjoying his independent life, or is that something you've decided unilaterally? Whatever, you need to communicate your thoughts and feelings to him before deciding what you're going to do; being in a deeper relationship means being vulnerable and unless you pluck up the courage to talk to him - you'll stay stuck right where you are.

Well, you didn't state any personal details, but if he was married and divorced previously, I'm guessing he's fine with a friends with benefits relationship. If you want something more, he may not be one one for you. Also, would you relocate to be with him? You wouldn't have much of a relationship if you weren't with him.

 

You could bring up the idea of moving to his city and finding out if he wants a deeper relationship or not. If he doesn't, then start looking for a man who likes you and wants to be in a relationship.

Thanks DanZee

Anyway he's single handsome man, never married before and had dated previously. Where else I too single in my 30s and yes I would relocate to be with him. In the beginning, we did talk about the things I could do if I were to relocate there but since the situation is as such now, therefore I didn't bring up the topic again.

Perhaps it's best to talk to him about relationship and then make your decision based on that.

It's very clear what you have - a friends with benefits situation where you have a fantastic time when you're together, but nothing more. After two years, it's not unreasonable to wonder what the future of the relationship (using the term loosely) might be.

 

You need to explore the subject with him, and stay very, very honest. There's a risk that it might frighten him off altogether, but that will then leave you free to find someone who's genuinely available to you; if you're already considering ending the arrangement then it's much better to communicate rather than jump to conclusions and end things with no discussion.

 

On the other hand, he may surprise you. Has HE said he doesn't want a relationship, and that he's enjoying his independent life, or is that something you've decided unilaterally? Whatever, you need to communicate your thoughts and feelings to him before deciding what you're going to do; being in a deeper relationship means being vulnerable and unless you pluck up the courage to talk to him - you'll stay stuck right where you are.

Appreciate for your inputs!

Indeed it's l better to talk to him

since I've already considered ending this arrangement. On another note, he never mention that he doesn't want a relationship before and those were my own thoughts of him enjoying his independent life.

Should I talk to him in person when I visit him the next time which can be within 1~3 months or can I just call/text/mail him?

I can't think straight now.

Should I talk to him in person when I visit him the next time which can be within 1~3 months or can I just call/text/mail him?

I'd wait till you see him face to face; it saves all the miscommunications around written messages and phone calls.

I would just tell him that I've gained some clarity about where I stand on what I want, and I'm relationship material. I'd like to know whether he'd consider entering an exclusive relationship with me, and I'd give him some time to think about it.

I'd follow up for an answer in a few days, and if the answer is yes, great, and if the answer is no, then I'd tell him that I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another, and if he ever changes his mind he can contact you, and if you're still available, you can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

This leaves your door open only to what you want, while it frees you to go find what you want with someone else if this guy won't give you what you want.

I'd use this experience as clarity about where I stand before starting any future relationships in a messy, FWB kind of way. Instead, I'd clarify for future potential dates that I'm relationship material and looking for someone who regards himself as the same. This allows wrong matches to pass early without personalizing rejection or worse, attaching yourself to a bad match to manipulate him into becoming a right one. That doesn't work--it just positions you to break your own heart. Skip that.

Head high.