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Thread: BF and lesbian friend

  1. #1

    BF and lesbian friend

    Long story short.. my bf met this girl at work. They hang out on break and smoke in his truck. They exchanged numbers at some point and he claims she is just a friend.

    Flash forward after some trust issues with me checking his phone he supposedly set me up by flirting with her via text. His best friend backs this up. I fell for it and went off on him. He now has no trust in me etc and isn't sure about us. There is still sex there. Just not the i love yous etc.

    I'll be sitting next to him and see him text her things like "miss me yet?" Or "gm hugs" with nothing of that sort back from her that I've seen. Even looking back on the setup text it was awkward on her end and mostly my bf.

    Like I said, she is supposedly a lesbian. Idk know her. Am I reading too much into this? Is his action just because i lost his trust and he's hurt and angry? Idk what to think right now and just need some clarity.

    Like, I know I have my insecurities to deal with. He cheated in the beginning of our relationship and it took me a long time to.get closure there. Problem was I created gateway habits that lead me to here. And idk how to separate the crazy thoughts from reality quite yet.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He flirt with her to set you up? And he continues to do it in your presense, but you are somehow the bad guy?
    Something stinks here and you aren't `having crazy thoughts' either.

  3. #3
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    Only a totally crazy person agrees to text someone sweet nothings as a "joke" to set up someone's girlfriend. And if it were true -- that's just twisted. Your boyfriend is emotionally cheating at the very least. It doesn't matter if she's lesbian (or could be bi). This is *not* your insecurities getting the best of you -- this situation is messed up and if its not real - its more messed up that he is trying to mess with you. WTH really?? I'd dump his sorry rear end

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    So he cheated on you, you now have trust issues because of what HE has done in the past, now he sets you up and punishes you for that to induce even bigger trust issues and then he tells you that you are the one breaking his trust???!!!! Which part of this sentence sounds sane to you OP.

    Dump his cheating, lying, blame shifting arse, move on and raise your standards by a lot going forward. I mean honestly.....what he is doing is just total psycho territory. Even the other woman isn't really responding because what he is doing is effed up. It's one of those where you quietly go, "oh he is nuts" and then quietly distance yourself and exit out.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    People in healthy functioning relationships don't set traps for each other. If my partner told me that they had set a trap for me because they didn't trust me and wanted to catch me out? We would be done. On the spot. In a relationship you are supposed to work together to figure out how to best take care of each other and yourselves. A relationship shouldn't use tests or traps. And the idea that he would cheat on you and then "test" you to see if you trust him is... gross at it's best. Psychotic at it's worst.

    He cheated on you. He should be working to get your trust back. Not setting traps and playing games. Don't stay with this guy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I think its time you sat down with yourself and sincerely asked yourself why you continue on with this douche for a boyfriend. Don't count "loving him" as a reason. There is no point staying with someone you love when they are a gas lighting cheater who is showing you a few times now that he doesn't value you much.

    So... figure out what is missing in you that makes you stay with someone like him.

  8. #7
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    You know what - that's not just manipulative - that's emotionally abusive. I don't label things abuse lightly, having been in a severely abusive relationship.

  9. #8
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    You need to get out of this relationship, OP. This guy has zero respect for you, and takes you for a fool.

    I would not believe for a moment he set you up to catch him flirting. No, he got caught and thinks you're naive enough to believe his ridiculous excuse. I also very much doubt he's being honest that she is gay and he thinks of her only as a friend.

    Dump him and find someone who actually cares about you.

  10. #9
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    She is not a lesbian. He didn't trap you, he was flirting with her. When you found out, he got his friend to cover for him. He is immature and a horrible liar.


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