Is it really none of my business?

So I've been seeing this guy on and off for 3 years, the last time we hung out I asked him out of curiousity, who was the last girl he slept with (besides me). He responded with "none of your business" and that even if he said her name I wouldn't know her anyway. He also said he slept with this "friend" back in June when I broke things off with him.

Now since he's not actually my "boyfriend" I guess I could understand why he doesn't feel the need to tell me. But the thing is,

I've asked this question before to guys I've casually dated and they would just answer honestly since it's not a big deal and I never made it a big deal. I'd ask anyone that. (And no I don't ask for names of the women lol)

So it kind of tells me he has something to hide.. perhaps he slept with an ex girlfriend I suspected or something.

And the reason why I care if he's hiding is because this is a guy who I might consider to be in a relationship with in the future. I'm not looking to be in one right now as i'm still pretty young and enjoy being single at 22. He also agrees that he wants to settle down with me when we are both ready.

But now I get the sense that he's hiding things while we are just casually dating which makes me question if we would ever work in a real relationship down the road. If he can't be open and honest with me now, how would he be able to in the future?

He doesn't need to tell you though. That's his own business, and yeahhhh though he could have said it less bluntly, he does have a point.

He's right: it is none of your business.

Frankly, I would find that a very strange and invasive question.

Why on earth do you ask that kind of a question? It really is a weird thing to ask and absolutely none of your business. Consider that you should maybe quit asking that of people or if you do carry on with it, don't be surprised that people with boundaries will tell you straight up that it's none of your business or some version of that.

As for your ex, please don't hold your breath on getting back together. You broke up for a reason or two. If you were so compatible, you'd be together. The whole idea that maybe some day down the road sure we can get back together is a polite platitude. Pretty meaningless really. People simply move on with their lives, meet and date others and realize that ex's are best left in the past.

He's right: it is none of your business.

 

Frankly, I would find that a very strange and invasive question.

I know it sounds like a strange question to ask, but when I ask, it's casually. And i've asked this question before to guys and they responded like it was no big deal. This guy made it a big deal.. it's not like I wanted the girl's name

And also this isn't a new guy I started dating. We've known each other for almost 4 years now. So i'd like to think the question isn't that odd to simply ask...

Doesn't matter, it's personal and he doesn't need to tell ya a thing.

Doesn't matter, it's personal and he doesn't need to tell ya a thing.

I guess if that's how he feels then maybe I shouldn't get into a relationship with him later on.. Like I said, other guys have answered that question honestly. I guess I would prefer to be with someone who's more open.

Thanks!

Why is it any of your business, OP?

You say you didn't ask him for a name, so why exactly are you being so nosy?

Why is it any of your business, OP?

 

You say you didn't ask him for a name, so why exactly are you being so nosy?

I guess i'm just a nosy person lol. I ask that question to anyone. I don't see it as a big deal. Guys ive asked before didn't find it a strange question either. And if a guy I was dating asked me that same question, I would answer honestly cause I have nothing to hide. Guess I just appreciate honesty.

And also this isn't a new guy I started dating. We've known each other for almost 4 years now. So i'd like to think the question isn't that odd to simply ask...

It doesn't matter. It's still a weird question to ask and absolutely none of your business. Just because some people will respond, doesn't validate your question or make it any less weird.

It doesn't matter. It's still a weird question to ask and absolutely none of your business. Just because some people will respond, doesn't validate your question or make it any less weird.

I guess i'm just more open and honest than most people.

Regardless of whether or not you had the 'right' to ask such a question, his response "none of your business" was so rude and off-putting, I would be re-thinking having a RL with him simply based on that.

Who actually says that, even to just a friend?

It's right up there with "fu*k off" in my opinion.

There were a million other ways of responding that don't involve such rudeness! Jeez.

"Open" and "honest" aren't synonymous. One can be a completely, 100% honest person without disclosing details on particularly private matters. You really wanted a name for the last person he shagged? What possible benefit could there be to gaining that knowledge? Sorry, but I can't really wrap my head around it.

The only bit of a woman's sexual past I've ever felt remotely entitled to would be any potential consequence to my own sexual health.

Regardless of whether or not you had the 'right' to ask such a question, his response "none of your business" was so rude and off-putting, I would be re-thinking having a RL with him simply based on that.

 

Who actually says that, even to just a friend?

 

It's right up there with "fu*k off" in my opinion.

 

There were a million other ways of responding that don't involve such rudeness! Jeez.

Thank you!

"Open" and "honest" aren't synonymous. One can be a completely, 100% honest person without disclosing details on particularly private matters. You really wanted a name for the last person he shagged? What possible benefit could there be to gaining that knowledge? Sorry, but I can't really wrap my head around it.

 

The only bit of a woman's sexual past I've ever felt remotely entitled to would be any potential consequence to my own sexual health.

I didn't want a name..

I guess i'm just more open and honest than most people.

Don't cloak inappropriate and tactless under open and honest. That's a lot like saying something really nasty to a person and then going "what....I'm just being honest". You aren't being honest, you are being rude and when you are being rude, you shouldn't be surprised that some people will respond in kind.

I didn't want a name..

Honestly, I wouldn't consider any of this a big deal had you simply asked a silly and needlessly private question and he responded appropriately with a "nunya" and you'd simply called it a day. We all ask questions without thinking as much as we should have from time to time. It's that you seem to think you're entitled to the information or that you lack the humility to acknowledge it's an intrusive question that baffles me.

What difference would it have made with or without a name? Would you have settled for "a friend?" "Some lady?" What answer were you hoping for? If you two aren't exclusive and particularly if you've been "on and off," you should be simply assuming he's slept with whoever he's wanted to sleep with.

We are exclusive, I guess that's why I was curious when and who the last person he slept with was.

I don't think i'm entitled to the information, I just found it was a red flag that he didn't want to share the info. I don't find it intrusive and neither did other people i've asked before. I

We are exclusive, I guess that's why I was curious when and who the last person he slept with was.

...I ask that question to anyone. I don't see it as a big deal....

To YOU. To HIM it is.

So, let me pose this question to you.

If it is no big deal to ask the question, should it also be no big deal to not get an answer?

That's weird.

What can I say I'm weird. I think we are all weird in a way. I'm guilty of being nosy and I like asking people questions others normally wouldn't ask. So ya I'm weird. No one is perfect

SMH, why are y'all coming down so hard on OP?

Hell, she has the 'right' to ask whatever question strikes her fancy, no matter how 'inappropriate' he or others deem it to be.

Doesn't mean he has to answer, he doesn't! That's his right.

He even had the 'right' to answer with "none of your business."

And her right to not like or appreciate such an insensitive and rude response and consider dumping him because of it!

I would as it speaks volumes as to the level of respect he has for me, regardless of what he thought about the question.

But it's her call on that.

This forum is so confusing sometimes.

We all stress how important it is to communicate.

If you have a question, ask away! Talk about it!

Now you're faulting her for doing just that!

She didn't want a name. Just last time he had sex with someone.

She had something on her mind, she asked. Good for her! We should all be so bold and brave.

Too many folks 'walking on eggshells' with each other.

Some of you make it sound like she committed a federal crime.

It was just a question!

He didn't wish to answer it, fine, don't!

But don't fault her for asking for goodness sakes!

Ok, rant over.

To YOU. To HIM it is.

 

So, let me pose this question to you.

 

If it is no big deal to ask the question, should it also be no big deal to not get an answer?

I guess so, but this guy expects for us to be in a serious relationship one day. But then I expect full transparency from him. I'm just that type of person. I would want a partner who can share anything with me. Vice versa.

I guess so, but this guy expects for us to be in a serious relationship one day. But then I expect full transparency from him. I'm just that type of person. I would want a partner who can share anything with me. Vice versa.

Don't be so naive......... Just because someone tells you what you want to hear doesn't mean it's true. Look at this actions - he isn't with you and off dating others. It's really not a good idea to go through life only listening to empty words and taking them as Gospel - you will get burned by that.