Invited to a good friend's birthday dinner... Was told ex will be there.

Hey guys

My friend has just invited me to go to her birthday dinner, and apparently my (last long term ex) will be there. She's a great girl and I'm really keen on going, but am now sort of wondering if it's a good idea. Thought this was inevitable, but still awkward considering I've blocked this guy on everything. We broke up more towards start of last year but had a two year relationship and it was a very intense and serious relationship. We stayed friends until recently. I think emotionally, he still has the same feelings for me, so it makes things awkward.

I am not keen on being friends with him anymore because he's disturbingly selfish, immature and completely temperamental. I'm definitely over him and just thinking about having to talk to him makes me feel exasperated.

In addition to this, I'm currently in a new relationship with an absolutely amazing guy. Things are going so wonderfully, like everything fits effortlessly and now I finally do understand why nothing in the past worked out. I think it would make him feel uncomfortable if I went and I've already asked for his opinion on this. But she's a good friend, so it kinda makes me feel petty if I skipped it just cos of my own problems?

What do you guys suggest I should do?

If you are such close friends, why on earth did she invite your ex???? Surely she knows it will be awkward for the both of you.

Anyway, I would just tell her that since the ex is coming I don't want her b-day dinner and the evening that's supposed to be about celebrating her, to turn into drama so I'll have to keep away for the sake of peace all around. Then offer to take her out for a lunch or dinner another time to celebrate her b-day.

I'd be completely honest with her.

Tell her you'd love to be at her birthday dinner, but being there in the company of your ex will make both you and your current partner very uncomfortable - and you'd rather arrange another date when you can take her out and treat her.

That does strike me as a bit odd. Whose friend was she originally?

Still, if you're in a new relationship, I would hope you've moved on to the point you can see your ex for a few hours and be just fine. Your current boyfriend should be fine with it. Though I can understand if you feel like your ex would try to push some boundaries and you're not feeling up for dealing with that. In which case, I agree with the suggestions above.

I would go. What does it mean to be over an ex? If you feel emotionally charged at the thought of seeing him or talking to him, you are not over him, and have some healing or processing to do. That can be done if you cross paths with him or not, it's inner work that is worth doing so you don't unknowingly carry issues into other relationships. I'd go to the party, focus on my friend that I like, and any other people there that I like, and avoid chatting with people (any people) I don't like. I'd also leave myself an out, park my car in a spot that I won't be blocked in by any other party-goers, so that I could leave early if I'm not feeling well.

If this is an intimate gathering with 6 couples, i would not go and explain to her why.

If this is a birthday party with 100-200 attendees, i would go - he may not show or it would be easier to avoid him.

I am not keen on being friends with him anymore because he's disturbingly selfish, immature and completely temperamental.

I would not be eager to see him either. I changed my mind - i would not go under any circumstances, but i would tell my friend why. She may think you are on friendly terms and might not know the scoop

I've dropped out of a friend's wedding party as a bridesmaid because my ex -- the one who put me in a hospital for a concussion and caused me to file a restraining order -- was invited. So I definitely can relate. I would not go either, but be aware that this move can put a wedge in your friendship. I had to severe a friendship because the bride did not respect my feelings and concerns for safety.

If you are such close friends, why on earth did she invite your ex???

^^^^ THIS.

We met her at the same time, but I've hung out with her more. I don't talk about these issues with people (have other things to a talk about obviously) so noone really knows I've currently blocked him on everything. We were 'friends' until two months ago.

Still - why would she invite both of you? I had a friend like this -she became friends with my ex through me - one time she invited both of us (and included his new girlfriend) and I told her I'd feel awkward so I wouldn't be going. The next time she invited me and said "oh and if you can't come that's ok just tell me so I can invite [my ex]" She also tried to set him up with her friend and I had to tell her that, guess what, we were seeing each other again. It's awkward and the kind of thing where people should assume that in a smaller gathering many people wouldn't want to be in close quarters with an ex. Just be honest.

We met her at the same time, but I've hung out with her more. I don't talk about these issues with people (have other things to a talk about obviously) so noone really knows I've currently blocked him on everything. We were 'friends' until two months ago.

I think its time to talk to your friend and tell her that you and your ex are not on speaking terms and you are not going to attend because he has been invited. You are in a new relationship now and it would be akward for you to have your boyfriend and your ex in the same place.