Seeking male advice

I am a 26 y/o female with a 30 y/o boyfriend. We live together and have been together for just over a year now.

Our sex life is pretty vanilla (I am adventurous but he isn't really, however, I can live with this), but we lack frequency which means my needs are not being met.

We have sex 3 times a month on average. He does watch porn in between our encounters and subsequently masterbates. This irks me beyond belief, because I feel that he should actually rather be having sex with me especially knowing that I am very willing to have sex all the time.

We have had an argument about the above and his solution: change nothing except for deleting browser history. Little does he realize that his Recently Closed Tabs still retain its history.

So what do I do? Cause an argument by discussing this with him? He gets very defensive. Do try to initiate sex more frequently? The reality is that this is affecting me heavily. It makes me feel rejected and crappy and affects my moods too.

Every other aspect of our relationship is great and in that regard I'm very lucky and thankful. I could see myself marrying this man. And he is very committed. He wants us to buy a house together and build a future and says that I am the love of his life.

Imagine being married a decade to this. It's just been a year. Yeahhhh it's not gonna work.

I remember replying to your other thread because he only likes sex in the early hours of the morning doesn't he , I was expressing my distaste lol

Only he can answer this , all the men on this forum can give you their opinion , but they can't make the sexual side of your relationship work . No one knows but him , and

I understand you don't want to cause an argument , but this is your life , your future and you have to confront him .

Do you initiate? How do you initiate?

I do remember your last reply and it too was much appreciated. Just feel stuck between a hard place and a rock because I cannot make sense of it.

Do you initiate? How do you initiate?

Sometimes it's a spur of the moment initiation whereby I pretty much just feel him up. Other times it's more sensual, starting with a massage and then some proper foreplay. I do also try to plant seeds during the day by sending him naughty messages to try and get him geared to be in the mood.

OP, there is no reason for you to carry on with him like that. None. His sex drive is low already and probably was most of his life. It's only going to get worse as he gets older. On top of that, he is lazy. Yup. Lazy. That's why he'd rather masturbate and leave you sex starved. Less work that way. You can talk to him until you are blue in the face, but you aren't going to fix this. Especially the low sex drive part.

Look at sex drive this way. If you don't have a taste for broccoli, then nothing is going to make you crave it. It's just not going to happen. Maybe you don't hate broccoli and might even eat it on a rare occasion, but you aren't really going to go out of your way to seek it out and if you were being served that daily, you'll refuse it.

Honestly, plenty of guys out there who would be a better match for you. Why suffer this nonsense? I also disagree with dragging him to counseling over this. Counseling isn't going to fix anything here and it's folly. He needs to be with someone who matches him better in that she'll be content with once a blue moon sex and you need to find a partner who is more active and happy with regular sex, not to mention more adventurous. Neither one of you is broken here, just not a match.

So what do I do? Cause an argument by discussing this with him? He gets very defensive. Do try to initiate sex more frequently?

Honestly, when I read that part I thought, "Wait a minute, you haven't tried initiating sex more frequently yet??" Yes, try that. It could easily be that he's just in a pattern, a habit, a routine, and it can be hard to break those. If you ask him 15 times a month and you're still only having sex 3-5 times, you have a problem. Until you try that though, we don't even know if you have a problem.

I strongly disagree with anyone that says to give up or not even bother with counseling. Don't just throw in the towel and accept it, but you said you could marry him, so this is obviously worth fixing.

Start by initiating more and more and see where that gets you. If you're still not satisfied, gently broach the subject. Say you love sex with him, and the only thing that would make it better is if you could have more of it. If after that he's rejecting you and you're still not having it enough, I think it's time for a sex therapist or counselor or something.

This is why ive just come out of a 14 year relationship. The last 2 years other half went completly off sex to the point we were having it like twice a month and it became very routine. We would kiss and touch then I would go down on her til she orgasmed then penetration til I finished. Tried my best to initiate whenever I could or try different things but she was never interested. Get out while you can it can be very damaging to your self esteem

We have sex 3 times a month on average. He does watch porn in between our encounters and subsequently masterbates. This irks me beyond belief, because I feel that he should actually rather be having sex with me especially knowing that I am very willing to have sex all the time.

 

We have had an argument about the above and his solution: change nothing except for deleting browser history. Little does he realize that his Recently Closed Tabs still retain its history.

How often is he watching porn and then masturbating to it?

I think watching too much porn can "re-wire" your brain and give you an unrealistic or even a twisted view on sex. I don't know what kind of porn he's into (and don't think you have to tell), but it could be what he fantasizes about and that's how he expects his sexual encounters to be like every time. He might be frustrated that sex with you isn't like the stuff he's seeing and he thinks what he watches is how it's supposed to happen. Around the time I was introduced to porn (around 19 years old) I had my first serious and sexual relationship (I had a pretty sheltered childhood) and thought that every time I had sex with my girlfriend, it was supposed to be as wild as what I saw on videos.

I don't know if that's the case, but it's something I would definitely ask him about.