The rejection text 😔

Eugh. Finally meet a lovely guy. Things seem to be going well and we go on lots of lovely dates. He's communicative and just generally lovely.

And then it arrives. The 'I think you're really lovely and I've really enjoyed dating you, but I don't know how I feel about things getting more serious between us' text.

Just when I thought things were going really well too. And he couldn't have done it in a nicer way. Such a lovely guy. Not sure where I keep going wrong! It's so frustrating 😔

Aww what a shame , I am sorry ..please don't let it stop you though ..

That was polite and thoughtful. Just because you're not a match doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. sorry you are disappointed!

He's genuinely one of the loveliest guys I've ever met. And it's refreshing to have somebody be so honest. I'm just sad as I really didn't see it coming (and it also feels quite early to even think about things getting serious...I was still just enjoying the dates!)

Ugh I'm so sorry. We've all been there. As the others said, it may not be you thats doing anything wrong, maybe you just haven't met your match yet. For context, how long did you and this guy date? Did you discuss exclusivity? Before or after being intimate? Did you notice a drop off in his communication at any point?

He's genuinely one of the loveliest guys I've ever met. And it's refreshing to have somebody be so honest. I'm just sad as I really didn't see it coming (and it also feels quite early to even think about things getting serious...I was still just enjoying the dates!)

Try and look it at as a blessing ....you feel like this now darling , imagine if he kept it going then did this .

We've been chatting since the summer....but only went on our first proper date about a month and a half ago. So it was still very early days. Like I said, I wasn't even thinking about the next step. Was just enjoying the dating. He seemed dead keen and was initiating conversation etc and planned some lovely dates.

But yeah his pattern of communication changed about a week ago so I sensed something wasn't quite right. He knew that I wanted to see him again but didn't follow it through so I guessed. He apologised for that and said he'd been thinking about how he felt about stuff.

And no, we were nowhere near discussing exclusivity. Although he did tell me he'd come off all the dating sites etc.

If he's come off dating sites, perhaps he has met someone he wants to pursue things with.

Again, as the others have said, it doesn't mean you went wrong anywhere. I am sorry this was the result of your ongoing communication, but it is better to have discovered this now and have a definitive answer rather than continue to wonder what the heck was up.

It's disappointing, but try not to take it personally. He's just freed up space in your heart and mind for a better match for you.

I'm sorry, I know it stings a bit but, he was honest, up front and told you early on, as far as things ending, that's really the best way to do it.

Allow yourself to feel it then brush your shoulders off and try, try again.

marshmallow, I'm sorry you were disappointed (hurt).

I have a question though. You keep saying he was "lovely," a good communicator, which of course is all good.

But, did "you" feel that special "click" with him, that certain 'somethin somethin" that made him stand out from the others?

Were you "attracted to" him (beyond the physical and loveliness) had you been sexually intimate?

If not, did you want to be, think about it?

Reason I ask is cause I have dated men whom I thought were lovely, our communication was great, great talks, lots of laughs, texted often BUT unfortunately there was little to no sexual chemistry/energy, just didn't feel that "click" so decided to not pursue it.

Would leave the guy confused; in some cases I explained further and they ended up agreeing.

I am sure your guy liked you, enjoyed dating you (he was not lying about that) he may just not have felt that "click."

My guess is he met another woman with whom he did feel it, and made the decision to pursue her.

Just speculation though.

Anyway, yeah rejection stings no matter how we slice this.

Good for the soul though.

If he's come off dating sites, perhaps he has met someone he wants to pursue things with.

So yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking. He may have just gotten farther along with someone else. Most men don't simply go off the sites until they have found someone.

Whatever the reason, silently thank him, as he had the courage to let you know, rather than simply ghost.

It really is the best way, I know that, he's such a lovely person. I'm just sad because after dating a long line of absolute idiots he's the first nice person I've dated in such a long time. I really did like him and had such a gorgeous personality. Just a shame he didn't feel the same way about me.

He said he thinks I'm lovely and that he'd really enjoyed our dates. We were quite clearly both attracted to each other and the conversation just clicked. I'm not sure what else he was looking for.

We've got a mutual friend who we're both really close to so I fear that he became overly worried about messing me around, therefore has cut it off really early before it's really even had an opportunity to develop into anything.

It really is the best way, I know that, he's such a lovely person. I'm just sad because after dating a long line of absolute idiots he's the first nice person I've dated in such a long time. I really did like him and had such a gorgeous personality. Just a shame he didn't feel the same way about me.

 

He said he thinks I'm lovely and that he'd really enjoyed our dates. We were quite clearly both attracted to each other and the conversation just clicked. I'm not sure what else he was looking for.

 

We've got a mutual friend who we're both really close to so I fear that he became overly worried about messing me around, therefore has cut it off really early before it's really even had an opportunity to develop into anything.

Yes. I think you're taking this with the right attitude and you're probably right. Without attempting to inject overthinking my sense is -since you seemed to have a good read on this -that he got back together with an ex or wants to - but again it's really irrelevant and also quite ok if on reflection he felt you two just weren't a good match long term.

Oh, and from all you wrote -his loss.

marshmallow, I'm sorry you were disappointed (hurt).

 

I have a question though. You keep saying he was "lovely," a good communicator, which of course is all good.

 

But, did "you" feel that special "click" with him, that certain 'somethin somethin" that made him stand out from the others?

 

Were you "attracted to" him (beyond the physical and loveliness) had you been sexually intimate?

 

If not, did you want to be, think about it?

 

Reason I ask is cause I have dated men whom I thought were lovely, our communication was great, great talks, lots of laughs, texted often BUT unfortunately there was little to no sexual chemistry/energy, just didn't feel that "click" so decided to not pursue it.

 

Would leave the guy confused; in some cases I explained further and they ended up agreeing.

 

I am sure your guy liked you, enjoyed dating you (he was not lying about that) he may just not have felt that "click."

 

My guess is he met another woman with whom he did feel it, and made the decision to pursue her.

 

Just speculation though.

 

Anyway, yeah rejection stings no matter how we slice this.

 

Good for the soul though.

 

We didn't have full on sex but we did spend the night together and stuff happened. So yeah there was definitely an element of intimacy. He stuck around for quite a while the next day and we chatted/kissed/hugged etc. There was definitely a spark.

 

He told me he'd come off the dating sites quite a while ago. He just said he preferred meeting people in real life...like how he had met me. So I don't think there was anyone else but I could be wrong.

We didn't have full on sex but we did spend the night together and stuff happened. So yeah there was definitely an element of intimacy. He stuck around for quite a while the next day and we chatted/kissed/hugged etc. There was definitely a spark.

 

He told me he'd come off the dating sites quite a while ago. He just said he preferred meeting people in real life...like how he had met me. So I don't think there was anyone else but I could be wrong.

Again just speculating but he may have hit the "uncertainty" stage which happens to some men (not all) when they start getting attached.

Suddenly they become uncertain of their feelings and pull back.

If you leave them alone, they return full force and are ready to move forward, to exclusivity.

Read John Gray Mars/Venus series.

He describes the different stages and in my experiences, it's all very real and true.

I would not be surprised if he contacts you again at some point.

Don't live your life by it, but it may happen.

It's happened to me, several times in fact.

Men can be weird sometimes especially when it comes to feelings/emotions.

Yes. I think you're taking this with the right attitude and you're probably right. Without attempting to inject overthinking my sense is -since you seemed to have a good read on this -that he got back together with an ex or wants to - but again it's really irrelevant and also quite ok if on reflection he felt you two just weren't a good match long term.

 

Oh, and from all you wrote -his loss.

I definitely don't think he got back with his ex. His previous relationship had lasted for 5 years and from what I've heard from both him and my friend she completely took advantage of his kind nature. He didn't seem to have any inclination to let her back into his life and they've been separated for almost a year now.

I did thank him for his honesty and sent him an equally nice reply basically saying that I'd really enjoyed the time we spend together too and that I was disappointed as he was a really lovely guy but that I understood if it wasn't right for him.

And then had a little cry as soon as I pressed the send button!

Again just speculating but he may have hit the "uncertainty" stage which happens to some men (not all) when they start getting attached.

 

Suddenly they become uncertain of their feelings and pull back.

 

If you leave them alone, they return full force and are ready to move forward, to exclusivity.

 

Read John Gray Mars/Venus series.

 

He describes the different stages and in my experiences, it's all very real and true.

 

I would not be surprised if he contacts you again at some pint.

 

Don't live your life by it, but it may happen.

 

It's happened to me, several times in fact.

I have left him alone. I haven't text him since thanking him for being honest. Do I go completely non contact or attempt to be friendly?

And thank you for the recommendation...I've heard about this book before but never actually read it

I have left him alone. I haven't text him since thanking him for being honest. Do I go completely non contact or attempt to be friendly?

Complete 100% no contact. Drop off his radar.

Let that "rubber band" stretch!

And thank you for the recommendation...I've heard about this book before but never actually read it

He has lots of books.

The book he wrote for people dating, that describes the different stages (including the "uncertainty" stage) leading to commitment is called "Mars/Venus On A Date."

Cheesy title but good book.

Complete 100% no contact. Drop off his radar.

 

Let that "rubber band" stretch!

No contact it is... I don't want him to feel that he can't contact me again though.

I'm ordering that book as we speak!

No contact it is... I don't want him to feel that he can't contact me again though.

 

I'm ordering that book as we speak!

Mars/Venus On A Date? You can upload on line and read it now.

I just did!

I'd link it here but can't from my tablet.

Mars/Venus On A Date? You can upload on line and read it now.

 

I just did!

 

I'd link it here but can't from my tablet.

I've downloaded it to my kindle. That's tonight's bedtime reading sorted...

Sorry but I see nothing 'lovely' about a guy who blindsided you and dropped you by text. I see a guy who at best, was not in touch with his (lack of) feelings and is afraid of confrontation, at worst a guy who dropped you for another. If he comes back, you would risk being jerked around again. His treatment of you does deserve putting him on a pedestal like that, nor wasting any more emotional energy on him. If he broke away during the honeymoon period that indicates a serious incompatibility not to be brushed away lightly.