A positive healing story for those in need

I haven't been on this site for a while now, but my ex broke up with me a year ago after a 3 year relationship. This time last year I spent all day reading the getting back together forum, I was devastated to say the least. I spent the lowest of the low times scrolling this site, so I thought I would come back and try to give those that are going through a rough time a cheer up.

I'm currently 30 and the last year I have grown as a person more than I ever could have imagined. Post breakup I was a mess, I had never been so emotional, felt so alone and such a low in all of my life. But I embraced it, i vowed to be a better person and take all of the positives I could from the experience. Since the break up I have done so many things that I always had an excuse for in life. I went back to school and graduated from a course Ive wanted to take for a long time. I've volunteered and learned so many cool things, spent time with friends and family. I've read over 20 books in the last year when before that the most I had read in a year was 2. I've struggled with social anxiety my whole life, so doing some of these things may not seem like a big deal to others, but they have been to me. I've been on countless dates and briefly dated a few of the girls. However none of them have felt like the right fit so far. I've continued to go to the gym and stayed in great shape. I even went to therapy and learning to share my emotions, it was one of the most beneficial things that I could have ever done. I've started meditating and my god I recommend this to everyone, being able to be happy and healthy on your own is essential, this overflows into every aspect of your life. It will just make that next relationship that much better.

I won't sit here and lie that I haven't thought about my ex everyday for the last year. Mostly now she just crosses my mind every now and then. But I realize that we weren't the best for each other and the breakup was for the best. One things I can recommend is to cut contact, don't follow them on social media or anything like that. It took me almost 6 months to do this and it has been the best thing that I could have ever done. I don't have negative feelings for her, I hope my ex is happy in her life. I know she is in a new relationship and thats fine with me. However leaving that part of my life in the past has really helped me move forward.

Life is about experiences, its about feeling the ups and the downs and taking them in stride. Knowing that when you get knocked down you can get back up on your own two feet, and its something that you can carry with you the rest of your life. No matter how crappy you're feeling go out and do something. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts for an extended period of time. Although you my not feel up for it, you'll look back and be thankful you didn't pass up experiences.

I'm not trying to be an expert here, even if this post helps one person feel a little better about there day when they're down in the dumps I'll be happy. My breakup was the first one I ever experienced, it was the first time I had lost someone I loved and it crippled me. But know that everyday it gets better, as hard as it is take every lesson you can from your experience and make yourself into a better person for it. Happy days are just around the corner and know that there are plenty of people in this world that want to see you with a smile on your face. Even if you have never met them!!

After the day I've just had, thankyou*

Carus*

Thank you for this. 5 months out and now hes engaged again. This really gives me hope that im doing yhe right thing by figuring myself out again

I love this. Thank you for sharing. I was going to post something similar ...

I'm glad you shared that you still think of the person. That the person you love may still be on your mind and you don't have to mind wipe them completely order to survive. I think it's good for people to know that you CAN move ON and and live happy even if that person is still on your mind or if your still think of them and even if you haven't found someone else (yet).

Sending you light and love.

Just wait until you get your heartbroken a second time and you'll be left with "now what?" and wondering "where did I go wrong?" again, because life isn't all about going to the gym or doing X or Y.

It's great that it worked out for you, but as someone who went through the same, it means jack sh*t, because next time you'll still do all these wonderful things - go to the gym, meditate, take up a hobby, move forward with your life and she'll end up dumping you again if it's simply not right. No matter what you do, if you're incompatible, it's over.

Tell me what will you do when that happens? Will you hit the gym harder? Will you take even more degrees? More volunteering?

Anyway, what I'm saying is, the key to moving forward is exactly that. To move forward, to survive. Not about doing this or that. I dunno, it just seems every male in this forum never went to the gym before a BU (lol) and kinda put their dreams on hold because of a girl.

I didn't. I was a very good, stable, happy guy before I met her. I'm going to the gym for 6 years now, I have my hobbies and passions and the only lackluster aspect of my life is my career (working on it). Now I'm just a ing mess with low self-esteem no matter how much attention I get, because none of it comes from her.

Anecdotal evidence of "what worked for me" is crap. It wasn't the gym or meditation. It was time and our ability to heal from emotional scars. It happens to all of us and it'll keep happening.

Just try to take something valuable from it is all I say, even if it's something minimal with consequence.

As for general advice: do whatever you think and feel will move you forward and absolutely refuse to be stuck. Refuse that hold on you that says you're not good enough, smart enough, kind enough. Refuse all that noise and f*cking move forward!

The OP was just trying to give people hope and a positive story to work with, no need for the aggression. I don't think they've said it's 'one size fits all'.

I hope you get there.

Thank you for this. 8 months ago my ex left me and this is my exact experience so far. I think I will get into meditating, haven’t tried it yet. Still thinking about her daily but letting those thoughts pass.

Had a dream about her last night (haven’t in months) and woke up feeling pretty down. Reading this has definitely helped me get my head on straight this morning.

Thank you!