Does this guy like me?

So I feel very confused. This guy started at my work a few months ago. He is my co-workers student intern. I didn't look twice at him, assuming he was 20 or 21 years old, a baby. About a month ago, he passed me a note over to my cubicle, it was cute, asking for my number so we could talk about something more outside of work. He started texting me casually, not daily, but occasionally. I noticed he would randomly text me in the morning just telling me how tired he was or something random about him. He added me on snapchat and he sent me some sleepy ones of him shirtless. It was cute.

He seemed to want to chat. We would, but nothing amounted. We have continued to do this since. We seem to chat a lot at work and I think he's cute. He then told me he found out I was 25 and he couldn't believe it, because he was 24 and he didn't know we were the same age practically. I didn't realize this and it made me see him in a different light as someone my age who is single. He's cute, smart, and motivated, which I love. One day at work we were talking about this restaurant we both enjoy, and then he said "well let me know when you want to go."

To me, that just wasn't an ask though. It wasn't asking me out to a dinner with him. So I never followed up. Even more recently, we have been texting a bit and he asks me about the area, since he's not from here. I don't know if he is just being nice and getting information from me or is actually asking. The other night, we ended up talking about life a bit and it was exciting and interesting. I like him, but I cannot tell if he likes me. I then asked him why he was asking me about local places, and he said he and his roommate wanted to go out with his roommates friends whom are visiting from far away and take them somewhere nice, and then he said that I was welcome to come with them. But again, that wasn't an invite, I felt like maybe he was saying it just to be nice. When we were texting about life, he told me how he noticed that I was very independent and not like other girls, and then he says he loves it.

Then sometimes at work, he sends me funny notes in what I call 'Ganster" talk. He talks like "Hey its ya boy..." and its so funny. The other day he told me he has no idea why he does that, and that he doesn't do that with anyone but me. I was kind of surprised. At work, he's super nice, but I cannot tell if I am just seeing what is not there. That maybe he is just nice to everyone and not just me. The other night, he was helping my co-worker, who is his boss, with an event after hours. I decided to stay after hours and help her too, because she is a good friend of mine. He and I had a good time together talking and helping. I caught him looking at me a few times and I would look at him and smile. He even made a suggestive innuendo joke at one point. It was a large presentation and he would whisper in my ear stuff, because we had to be quiet. Then today he snap chatted me a video of him doing work on his car and he had tools and such. He then put the caption as "A real man with a tool box fixing his own car. Impressed?"

I thought this was cute. But again, I don't know what this means. I also know it is slightly unethical for me to ever date him. We work in the same office. He is an office student intern. I am in graduate school just like him at the same school, but I go at night, and work full time at our office during the day. Its tough though, because we are the same age. I know his boss, my friend, would not like it. I question if maybe he does like me, but also knows dating is sort of unethical and is holding me at arms length. Heck, maybe he doesn't even like me at all, but now I feel like I am starting to like him and driving myself crazy looking for signs he likes me too. I hate this. I feel like I am losing myself, looking at every thing he does as a possible sign. I feel like I'm also censoring myself now too, because I am nervous around him and trying to impress him. I hate myself like this. I am way more fun and free when I can just be myself. I don't know what to do.

Right, let me cut straight to the point. HE LIKES YOU. He's sending you shirtless pics of himself. He's sending pics of himself doing manly things. He even asked you out, but since it wasn't in a sentence that began with "Will you go out with me" you ignored it. So, having established that he likes you and it is more than obvious you like him (you used cute 5 times!)

Now go ask if he wants to hang out or grab a coffee some time.

Since he lives far away he isn't going home for Thanksgiving. I offered twice for him to come to my house with me, because I don't want him being alone, but he won't give me a straight answer, saying maybe he will work instead.

I guess I really just didn't take it as him asking me out. He literally said "Oh if you ever want to go, you let me know."

Another time he did sort of try to make plans with me, but again, it was a "hey let me know if you ever go", or "you're more than welcome to come" sort of thing. And we decided to post pone, because I had work the next day and he wasn't getting off of work until late.

But he doesn't follow up and ask.

And again, I am nervous about the work ethical thing. I am over him at work. He's a student intern and I'm a full time worker for my career. But we are the same age. I am in school myself on the side and he and I have chemistry.

Well, since you are unsure of his indirect requests, and have the whole work ethics thing, then I would suggest just leaving it. Be friendly but just don't think or take anything beeyond what it is, just a work friendship.

I hate the work ethics thing, because I can't help my feelings for him. I like him, and I can't not like him all of the sudden.

And to add to things. He tells me he isn't into the club scene and such. But I just saw a snapchat of him out at a club/bar. And here I am at home, being lame.

Just because he isn't in the club/bar scene doesn't mean he never goes out. If you like him then ask him out, directly. Or, ask him when he is going to ask you out.

I know. I'm nervous about it. I sent him a lame snap of me at home. Now he's sending me ones of him out his shirt semi unbuttoned in the club.

Based on your responses, I don't know what you're asking advice on.

OP, I asked this on your previous thread, but since you find so many things "wrong" with your current boyfriend, he's boring, doesn't provide "stimulating" conversation, and on other thread, you don't like his teeth, how he dresses, wrong career, etc etc why the hell are you still dating him? SMH

I get you need the attention, but this is selfish and self-serving. Talk about "wrong" jeez.

And now, while still dating him (and complaining about all that's 'wrong' with him) you start a separate thread about a guy you're majorly crushing on, and if your history repeats itself, will begin obsessing about.

I dont even know how to respond to your threads anymore.

Except to say I hope someday you're able to figure yourself out cause if you don't, your behavior will continue to hurt others and yourself.

I hate the work ethics thing, because I can't help my feelings for him. I like him, and I can't not like him all of the sudden.

No one is asking you not to like him all of a sudden. As you well know the suggestions are to change your behavior whatever your feelings are. Of course you can "help" how you act and react especially in the workplace. Here's the impression you are giving him -you didn't follow up on his suggestion to go to a restaurant you like and instead you're inviting him to your house where you'll be alone and exchanging flirty photos with him. You're telling him by your actions that you're interested in hooking up so please -if he does come over to your house and makes a pass at you please don't be surprised unless you discuss in advance what your boundaries are (and if you do have those boundaries start changing your behavior now if you think you might want to date him properly in the future).

I don't think it's wise to date this person or to continue to exchange flirty texts/photos if you want to keep your job. All you need is for him to take something the wrong way or to decide that he's not that into you and that it might be more fun to send around the pics you sent to your coworkers, etc. And yes I did meet my husband originally at work and yes we did date when we worked for the same company -but in different departments and on different floors -no work-related contact whatsoever. And we were very discreet.

Work guy and I texted on Saturday for the afternoon. It was just about stuff we have in common. We have similar beliefs and he seems to like talking about them. He then initiated texting me on Sunday. We spoke back and forth most of the day into nighttime. He sent me a video of something he thought I would enjoy and then we spoke about it, which led into other topics. I noticed in the morning he sent out a shirtless selfie. Instead of just to me, he sent it to everyone. A short while later, he deleted it.

Today, Monday, he and I were at work together. We chatted a bit about things here and there. It wasn't anything major. I was asking him about where he is from and such, since he is from far away. He then went away to a meeting on another floor by himself for the afternoon. He starts texting me telling me how boring it was and about the topic it was on, which he wasn't aware of ahead of time.

I think maybe I need to back off. Maybe I am being too into him. I shouldn't. I don't know his intentions. I have not invited him to my house. I did invite him, but to a holiday party in a few weeks with a few other co-workers and my friends. I have not sent him any scandalous pics or anything. The occasional selfie at work on snapchat, so it disappears. He's the one who is shirtless in his. Again, I don't know if he is bored, lonely, looking for a hookup, holding me away since we are co-workers, or is just one of those friendly guys who is just really nice?

My mother keeps telling me to tread lightly and step back from flirting. I mean he sent me a pic of his freshly shaven face the other day and I sent back a joking response. I have sent a few flirty responses, but nothing sexual or even sexually fueled. I say cute joking flirty things, once in a while, if he sends something that requires it.

You know your workplace better than anyone and just understand everything you write and everything you send can be read by people who supervise you in a heartbeat, a split second. As I wrote just above I think the impression you are giving is that you want a fling/hookup. You can change that impression because his texts don't "require" a flirty response - you choose how to respond, every time.

Are you still dating your boyfriend?

Yes, this guy likes you. If you were to do anything about it, there might be repercussions in the work place which you would be wise to avoid - but you're better informed than anyone on here.

I agree with everything being out there for people to read. I am going to try harder treat him as a friend and thats it. I truly do not want to give off the hookup vibe. That is never ever my intention. Sometimes when I like someone and I am attracted to them, the flirty-ness just comes out naturally. And I try a bit too hard. I think I have been trying to get this guy to notice me so hard, and I need to stop. It is so funny, because he has mentioned multiple things about me, to me, that he has noticed about me. How I am independent and not like other girls, etc... And how he can tell I used to do theatre and singing, because my personality. So he is noticing me. It's like I feel this innate need to get him to notice me more, which is ridiculous. I do this when I like someone and its too much. I need to step back, and focus upon myself. I keep thinking about him, and I need to think about me first.

I am still dating that guy. I talked to him about not seeing him a lot and such. He was sort of silent. I was expressing my feelings, and he didn't have much to say. He isn't my boyfriend. I feel like I do not see him enough for that and we have not spoken on it at all. He is trying to change now. He is trying to wake up earlier, make the most of his days. He didn't wake up until almost 3pm the other day and didn't get to my house until 5pm. That to me is ridiculous and I let him know, that I like motivated people. He seems to be trying to put in effort. I can appreciate someone willing to change. I like open communication. I guess, I am very much in the mindset of, I like someone to want to change for themselves, and even someone whom is already a certain way. Sometimes I get turned off when people have to be told to be better. I'm the type of person who strives to be better all the time anyway. But everyone I know keeps telling me that its nice he is willing to step up and try to be better for me. I guess I will see in the coming weeks if he actually does it.

Read Martha Beck's article on criticism in the November issue of O magazine -get your hands on it in someway whether google or otherwise. It is not "natural" to send someone a flirty text or picture -that's a choice you make -it doesn't just flow out of you - so you can control your choices. I think if you want to treat him as a friend in the workplace stop texting or keep it to a minimum. Keep it to face to face when you happen to see him -scale it back.

I guess I definitely see how he feels now. Today work guy and I were chatting. It was positive, but we banter a bit and sometimes tease each other. I took that as flirting, but I suppose its not. We start talking about living costs and such. He wants to move out to somewhere cheaper. I agreed and we chatted about options, as I am trying to do the same thing. Then he talks about how he and I could go in together. So he sees me as a roommate.

I'm bummed. He is so interesting to talk to and I do think he does like me. He notices a lot about me and remembers things I have said. Even things that I said to other people in the office. So he pays attention to me clearly. He reminds me of my ex in the way that I think he is so busy with school, work, and his future, that he isn't looking for a girlfriend right now. I get it. But it still feels bad that he only sees me as a friend.

He probably finds you cute and is attracted to you and enjoys the flirty attention you give him. You're not yet friends even -you barely know each other - you know him more as the image you have of him. But here's what you do know -if you're this interested in him and so critical of the guy you've been dating -well -what does that tell you?

Also people can like you -including romantically -and choose for a number of reasons not to date you -and that's ok!

I know. I appreciate the help. I guess I am just feeling down on my luck, because all the guys I end up liking either don't like me enough, don't like me at all, or do like me, but have a lot going on in their own lives and it has nothing to do with me. I just wish I could meet someone like him, that is in the same place as me and wants to date. I like the guy I am currently seeing, because he wants to have a girlfriend and him and I are in similar places in our lives. That is such a huge thing. I just wish I could have it all. Great guy who gives me butterflies, and is smart and pushes me to be better, and someone who wants to settle a bit and do fun things together as a couple.

I hate that I have this image of work guy. I keep trying to shake it out of my brain, but every time I see him, spend time with him, talk to him, it grows larger. I'm made at myself for liking him. I should stay with the guy I am with now, because it won't be a disappointment in the long run. I won't be chasing him and trying to get him to notice me all the time. Its stable. How do I stop with the imaging him thing? And get with reality? Its tough when you like someone to stop liking them. I know I mentioned this before, and I am trying to manage my feelings. I can control myself. But every time I talk to him at work, he intrigues me more and I enjoy his company.

Of course it's hard to turn off feelings. Don't do that. Don't try that. Create a life where you can react to feelings in a way that is consistent with your goals and your overall health - it's about the reaction not the feelings. And if you're busy and have a fun, fulfilling life, those feelings won't consume you.

I think the guy you're with now will not be stable for you. Chemistry is the glue that holds the relationship together -and passion. You don't admire or respect him, and you're admitting you're settling. Just because someone likes you doesn't make it stable if you don't feel the same. You're not trying to manage your reactions to your feelings because you continue to choose to interact with him.

Many years ago I had a crush on a guy at work who worked with me and next door to me. And he was married. He would have been shocked to learn that I had a crush back then because I never, ever let it show. Sometimes I closed my office door to avoid interacting with him because I was crushing on him that day! I knew he was unavailable and that it would be wrong for me to flirt or show any interest since he was married. Sometimes that is what it takes.

Keep the pity parties limited and continue to work on how you choose to react to feelings and consider that you might want to be in a place where you want a partner who inspires you but do you really want someone who pushes you to be better? Why? Why not find a mentor or hire a personal trainer for that? Sounds to me like you want someone who isn't happy with how you are right now because that will keep you on your toes as you try to please him. That's exciting in early dating and gets old really fast in a long term relationship. Inspiring each other -sure -but crossing the line into expecting him to "push" you to be better -doesn't sound so healthful.

Its a tough situation. I am in an open office. He is in the open cubicle right next to me. We always end up chatting away at different things. I feel like I don't have an interesting, fulfilling life, and so I sometimes look for that in others, to fill in those gaps that I seek. I want an exciting life. I just don't have anyone in my life who wants to jump and do exciting things with me. This work guy likes to travel, hike, fish, and go on fun adventures. I like doing fun things, and so I find him interesting and fun. Its not like this guy is married and its morally wrong for us to date. I actually think we could date outside of work, never mention it inside of work, and it wouldn't be an issue. I am old enough not to let it ruin my job. I just know it might not be ideal and I would never ever do anything to jeopardize my job or make my co-workers angry.

My personality has always been someone that needs a little push to try new things. I am a bit passive in that way. Don't get me wrong, I am a strong person and live very independently. I just sometimes need someone to push me into things that I always end up enjoying. So the guy at work, has recently been telling me about this diet he's been on and how he is determined to lose weight. I have been trying to lose weight myself, but haven't been trying hard enough. Now that he and I have talked about it, I feel very inspired to do it. He pushes me, because he's doing it successfully. Now I am determined myself and have been pretty good sticking to it. So my kind of push is a positive one.

When I feel very comfortable with someone, and they love me for me, which is important, I tend to get too comfy. I gain weight, and I don't put as much effort into my appliance, because they like me and don't care. I feel better about myself when I put effort in for someone, hoping they notice my efforts.

Right. So now you know what to work on in yourself. When I was around your age I traveled on my own (to club med resorts, for one thing), I went to the gym on my own, to movies, etc. Including when I had a boyfriend and I always had friends. You want "excitement" -then put in the effort -and stop telling yourself you are passive and need a push -self fulfilling prophecy! It's fine to be inspired by others, of course. If you actually love someone then you don't take the love for granted or the relationship - you keep yourself vigilant about how you can improve -because we all can. And when you actually love yourself you do the same. It's time to get out of the tired rut of letting yourself go just because someone returns interest in you. Don't take for granted that that person will love you no matter what -no matter if you get too comfy and start nagging or gain a lot of weight, etc. Because loving is giving -not as much a feeling -especially in a long term committed relationship. I often have to give my husband my patience -to refrain from saying something or using a certain tone - rather than blurting out how I feel at that moment. I have to remind myself that if he sneezes loudly, I probably crunch my cereal loudly when we watch TV at night. For example. He wouldn't mind if I gained weight -but I would - and since I would, that would make me feel less attractive. You get the picture.

If you really equate a healthful relationship where the guy loves you to permission to let yourself go then either you're dating doormats or you haven't been in a healthful relationship where most of the love is about giving to each other. Think about it. As far as the work guy -it's a very easy situation. Not tough at all. If you want to date him then date him and know the risks. But stop the flirting and pictures and all that -be a grown up and suggest a date or having lunch and get to know him as a person on a date not a shirtless wonder you're putting on a pedestal.

Now i'm just utterly confused. I talked with the guy I have been seeing. I nicely and calmy brought up that he seems tired all the time, ge sleeps all day long, and didn't care to see me for two weeks

At first he was defensive. I told him I wasnt bringing it up to play the blame game, but more wanting to talk about something that surprised me and I felt was odd. I told him that not seeing him for two weeks with minimal talking made me feel alone and like he didn't care about me. And that if someone else came along asking me to go out, I would be unsure of what to say, as two weeks alone, with a guy not making time for a quick dinner, can make a girl feel single. He was silent. I reassured him I was not seeing anyone but him and only him. He then started blaming himself and making excuses about his work being hard and tiring. I told him that grabbing dinner on a week night, especially when you haven't seen the person is not a hassle. We talked it out. He was silent for most of it. Kept blaming himself. Then said things woukd change. He was getting a better position at work, moving out, and going to try harder to make time for me. He helped me fix stuff in my apartment. We kissed goodnight. And he repeated the mantra that he was going to see me more. Everything seemed positive. Monday comes abd we are texting. He seems fine. Tells me he woke up early. He got a lot done. Things were good. We chat throughout the day. He sends me kissy faces.

Tuesday comes and my day is chaotic. I text him letting him know I was a but busy. He says he was too. He drops off the conversation. Wednesday I don't hear from him all day. I finally message him and he tells me he's crazy the day before the holiday. I respond, but he never does.

The thursday holiday comes. I figure he will wish me a happy thanksgiving. I wait all day. 4pm comes and I hear nothing so I send well wishes to him and his family. I hear nothing. Friday morning comes. Still nothing from him. I send one final message asking if ge is alright. I hear nothing still and haven't since. He's dropped off of social media, when he's a regular. We are still friends on everything. I'm so confused. I like him and we left things on a good note. He was actively trying and I was supportive.

Work guy wished me happy holidays. He sends me snapchats. We banter back and forth. I still really like him, but he doesn't actively ask me out, which I hate. I saw he went out bowling with friends tonight, as he posts about it. He never asks me to go bowling. Every time I bring up something interesting to do together, he throws the "I'm down. You let me know." I hate that. Balls in ny court attitude. I never take him up on it, because are we going as friends? Is he inviting others? Will he think its weird if its the two of us. I mentioned a story I had and that it was way better in person. He then said that "we will definitely talk about it some time then"

I can't tell if I am getting individual attention from him or he is like this with everyone. Be seems to remember things I say snd brings them to light. Sends me snapchats and texts of things he knows I will like, videos that might interest me, etc. That to me seems more than friend territory.

OP, I asked this on your previous thread, but since you find so many things "wrong" with your current boyfriend, he's boring, doesn't provide "stimulating" conversation, and on other thread, you don't like his teeth, how he dresses, wrong career, etc etc why the hell are you still dating him? SMH

 

I get you need the attention, but this is selfish and self-serving. Talk about "wrong" jeez.

 

And now, while still dating him (and complaining about all that's 'wrong' with him) you start a separate thread about a guy you're majorly crushing on, and if your history repeats itself, will begin obsessing about.

 

I dont even know how to respond to your threads anymore.

 

Except to say I hope someday you're able to figure yourself out cause if you don't, your behavior will continue to hurt others and yourself.

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE LOL

*Drops mic*

Literally laughing

I don't think the first guy you've been dating is that into you (yes, he is tired, yes he works hard, no none of that would keep him from seeing you at least once a week if he was in town and there were no true emergencies). I think that your approach was fine other than I wouldn't have pulled the whole 'single" label and how you feel 'single" when he doesn't see you more often -you two are not exclusive and in fact you've had one foot out the door for weeks now - and of course you're single- and even if you weren't it's a bit overwhelming to burden another person with being your main entertainment/interaction - you weren't alone for two weeks -in fact for a good part of that time you were flirting up a storm with the guy at work.

It makes no sense to compare him to second guy - you are not dating second guy much less in a potential relationship with him. I don't think second guy is interested in dating you right now but he might be in the future (and the working together might be an obstacle right now). Keep things ended with the first guy (which is easy-he's not contacting you) with no reason to do that because of second guy. I think he's being vague the way certain women I meet get vague and a bit flaky when it's time to actually make a plan despite being all "we must get together --- it's so hard to make friends and make time for them!!" If this work guy was this vague with the boss he'd be out of a job, right?