Mom unsure about letting me travel overseas with friends? How to convince her?

So my friends and I started planning a trip to Germany next year (we're from the US). We're getting everything figured out and so far most of my friends can go/afford it/parents will let them.

I just talked to my mom tonight about it and she was instantly super unsure about it and said she'd really have to think about it. (but it really sounded like a no) I'm 19 years old (20 in about 6 months) and all of my friends ages range from 20-22.

I will be paying for the trip with my own money that I've saved up from work. One of the friends coming has traveled to many countries before and knows her way around. (her sister has also lived in the area of Germany we want to stay and can help us get to know the area) This friend is also someone I've been friends with since I was a kid, there for my mom knows her and her family really well and her parents are fine with it.

Also, another plus is that we're meeting a good friend of mine who has lived in Germany his whole life so he will be able to guide us and help us with language barriers and such.

She basically told me that she trusts me and my friends but doesn't know the type of 'environment' in another country. She thinks it's unsafe and that we'll get preyed on because we're young tourists. (She has never traveled outside of the US before and I've only been out of my state twice in my life, so I think the lack of experience is what worries her) But that's why I'm going with other people who are experienced!

Is there anyway I could convince her into letting me go?

Are you legally an adult in your country? Then you should go.

I don't think Germany is the type of country where tourists are normally "preyed on". It's just like another state but with different language, food and manners. I'd say it's one of the more tourist friendly European countries, with a lot of English speaking people and no particular prejudice against Americans. Nothing to be afraid of as long as you're acting responsible like on every travel.

You are legally an adult. You mom doesn't get any say in what you do.

Instead of asking you could just tell her your plans. Unless you are living with her and she is supporting you and she is so unhappy she will with draw support... I don't see what the problem is. When I was 19 I was traveling a bunch and didn't tell my folks about it.

If your mom has never travelled in her life naturally she will be nervous. Don’t let it stop you. You will be fine.

Have you ever traveled anywhere without a parent? You are a legal adult, but maybe mom is nervous if you have never gone anywhere (and that's what parents do - they worry about their kids). Or have you made any poor decisions in the past with being too trusting/going home with people you didn't know, etc?

I think you'll be perfectly fine in Germany and will not be preyed on. In fact, you are more likely to be preyed on in some US cities. Berlin will blow your mind. It is fine for your mother to be nervous, especially if she has not been outside the US, and living outside the US for a bit will help to open your mind to the rest of the world.

Is there anyway I could convince her into letting me go??

No need to convince, since you are an adult. You don't need to argue or feel defiant, just calmly plan, and perhaps calmly listen to her concerns and allow her her feelings. It's natural for you as a young adult to want to head out into the world, and natural for her to be nervous cutting the apron strings.

As you are legally an adult you dont need mom's permission to go, but it'd be nice to have her support. Mom is nervous probably because she's never been anywhere so she doesnt understand the allure of travel. I think it's a great idea for you to go, I'm old enough to be your mom. Since you are going with friends that mom knows, that should make her feel better.

Have you been basically a good kid who she can trust?

I was nervous when my son was in the planning stages of traveling to a country that we hear scary crime stories about. I'd express my concern, he'd nod, acknowledge my concern, and reassure me, explaining why he would be ok. I was still nervous, but knew he was not, that he would not be alone, and I needed to trust that he would exercise judgement. I also explored travel forums online that discussed this country (like lonely planet), read discussions about people's actual good experiences. I read about warnings regarding my own country (the USA), which helped put it in perspective. It's good to be aware of cautions, good to plan, good to go with your eyes open, and to have back up plans. I know so many people my age and younger who traveled abroad at your age, and value the experience. You can't get that experience without actually living it.

Have you been basically a good kid who she can trust?

Yes I have. Never got in trouble through my whole school career, never went out partying or disobeyed parent's rules. I'm pretty introverted so most my years were spent with close friends at my house or there's hanging out. Or at home by myself. They have no reason not to trust me.

Sounds like you live with your parents still.

You're an adult. It's your money. You can go if you want. She can't call in to put you on a no-fly list.

If you want to go without your mom throwing a fit you'll have to deal with, get your own place. Otherwise you're stuck either learning to shrug it off or not going so that you don't have to deal with it.

Germany is the safest or one of the safest countries in the EU. Don't worry. Enjoy!

Germany is the safest or one of the safest countries in the EU. Don't worry. Enjoy!

I was just about to say this .... I lived in Germany , I love Germany .. It is a wonderful , clean , beautiful country .

If your lack of experience is what worries her, and you haven't ventured even for mini trips as a teen , maybe seeing you accomplish smaller ventures first would help ease her mind.

Also if you are still living at home and relying on her for financial support, you are more likely to be treated as a kid by her rather than as an adult. When you move out and fully support yourself, it is a big step for parents and you in letting go and starting to acknowledge you as a fully independent person.

So I wouldn't try to convince mom to 'let you' go at your age. You have to decide, yourself, if you are willing to take on the full responsibilities of an adult or no? If yes, then plans for food shelter etc and how you will support yourself when you get back from the trip should be part of your figuring in if you can afford it. If no, then you should wait as it could compromise your relationship with your mom while living in her home.

Ask the friend's mom who your mom knows and trusts if she'd be willing to have your mom contact and maybe treat her to lunch to discuss your mom's concerns about the trip.

She just sounds nervous about you going. Get her some books on tourism in germany and to look up safety advice on travelling there so u can discuss it together. Highlight you are with friends. I am from the uk but never travelled to germany but known people who have even on their own. It is very safe and tourists do not get preyed on. Hear it is very friendly. Put together a safety plan to put her mibd at ease and keep in touch with her from time to time when u are over there.

If your lack of experience is what worries her, and you haven't ventured even for mini trips as a teen , maybe seeing you accomplish smaller ventures first would help ease her mind.

 

Also if you are still living at home and relying on her for financial support, you are more likely to be treated as a kid by her rather than as an adult. When you move out and fully support yourself, it is a big step for parents and you in letting go and starting to acknowledge you as a fully independent person.

 

So I wouldn't try to convince mom to 'let you' go at your age. You have to decide, yourself, if you are willing to take on the full responsibilities of an adult or no? If yes, then plans for food shelter etc and how you will support yourself when you get back from the trip should be part of your figuring in if you can afford it. If no, then you should wait as it could compromise your relationship with your mom while living in her home.

I agree with this. My parents were not worried when i went on a trip at your age because i had already done a class trip aboard for 5 days, had visited a friend in another state and so they were comfortable with the fact that i had good instincts. If you have always stayed at home and never ventured out on a shorter trip, i understand mom completely.