Anxious I offended my Boss and he is not happy with me

Hello everyone, I'm posting because I feel really plagued with workplace anxiety / obsessional thoughts

I know I am very good at my job and I am well liked - because I deliver and I have had a lot of compliments on my work, I am committed and dedicated and work extremely hard

However my latest case involved two companies warring with each other over costings - my Boss being rather obstructive, he is rather rude to people sometimes and not easy to work with - and me helping the other party, I had no choice it was part of my job and actually I negotiated a lower deal, at the end of it too, there was a miscommunication - it was not actually my fault on this occasion, somebody else did something wrong but I admitted my part in it and apologised so the matter could be sorted out, with evidence in the email - a figure was conveyed then changed and the person sent a request for the first figure to be agreed accidentally rather than the second, higher one

I have never made one big mistake before this - I wrote an extremely apologetic, long email admitting my part in it and not blaming the other person, and said I would ensure I checked everything the next time and my Boss let it proceed but replied with a one-liner, " yes "

I work so hard for the company and I've been thanked for turning it around and then today we had another costly case and I was negotiating and the person who emailed me copied my Boss into the email - this doesn't normally happen and it made me feel untrusted

In the email, she wrote to me at the end " thank you for all your hard work - have a lovely weekend "

So I wrote back " thank you - and you too have a lovely weekend "

The Boss was ccd into this exchange and now due to my anxiety issues I'm thinking I should have also wished him a good weekend as he was copied in - she didn't so neither did I but she works with him and would have said it in person

Now I think he'll see me as really rude - I just thought, she only wished me one and he was only ccd in for information, I also felt like he did not appreciate my work - I have been given a compliment before by somebody in another department that he didn't even pass on to me

Aaaarrrgh - is this rude? I am such a worrier, I have visions of myself being sacked now!

It's all political, he doesn't get on with my other manager who reports to him - and me and this other manager are very close and all of this has made me feel anxious

Thanks XXX XXX would appreciate insights

No, I don't see it as rude. The conversation was between the two of you, and he's cc'd in case he needs to be in on the information conveyed. He may not even be reading them at this time unless he needs to. (My guess is he's busy enough with his own emails.) Just my 2 cents.

Thank you journeynow, I feel a lot better just reading your answer, I worry too much! XX

I have never made one big mistake before this - I wrote an extremely apologetic, long email admitting my part in it and not blaming the other person, and said I would ensure I checked everything the next time and my Boss let it proceed but replied with a one-liner, " yes "

My take on this, there might not be a need for being "extremely" apologetic (in the future) or sending LONG emails. Your boss's short reply may indicate he doesn't see a need to spend more time than necessary on email explanations. (Again, my 2 cents because long emails make my eyes gloss over, since I get so many emails in a day, and my productivity is based on work outside emails. I need the important details in the first sentence or 2, then maybe bullet points after that if there are more details to cover.)

Yes, as I worry too much, that's why the email was rather long and I know that especially with men, they like to not beat around the bush and just get to the facts, agree here, it was a bit profuse! I was pleased actually that he accepted it and just said, go ahead, yes...and then didn't say anything else harsh or anything

In fact, whenever I apologise he always says " don't be sorry " and he has a caring side to him X

Sounds good, then. Have a good weekend, Lady D!

Thank you and you! xx

The Boss was ccd into this exchange and now due to my anxiety issues I'm thinking I should have also wished him a good weekend as he was copied in - she didn't so neither did I but she works with him and would have said it in person

No, a cc is an FYI. The larger issue is one of causing yourself anxiety over trying to manage perceptions of others. We can't do that, so think of it as enlarging your scope beyond your role to distract yourself with managing the impossible, and you can see how this actually detracts from your competence. Workflows follow a 'flow,' while anxiety introduces frenetic energy and disruption to that flow. Others respond to this energy in ways that undermine your intent, so learning to relax into your workflow will benefit you, your job and your stomach lining.

You do a good job. Period. People tend to get along with you. Period. We all make mistakes. Period. Some of us are better than others at rectifying mistakes, and so I'd limit my focus to that skill rather than overcompensating with profuse apologies or drawn out messages. That behavior only tends to draw more attention to the problem by amplifying it rather than simply admitting your part in an error, offering a concise apology, and focusing instead on delivering an agreed solution--then moving ON.

Given that your boss can be rude and abrupt in his dealings, he's likely focused on bottom line results and not popularity. Such a person doesn't respect pleasers beyond the degree to which pleasing service aids workflow and customer retention. So skip trying to work his emotional perceptions--he can see through that stuff and likely considers it patronizing. Stay warm and charming to everyone to the degree that it pleases YOU, and allow all chips to fall in alignment with that.

Consider learning relaxation techniques. They can help you to clarify where your job of conveying your best intentions stops and the perceptions of others begins. There is nothing more helpful in business to learn because this clarity quells high strung, frenetic energies that convey a lack of confidence. Relaxation builds solidity, stability and an ability to focus your energies on the stuff that is actually helpful to all concerned.

Head high.