I’m at a really bad state of mind right now

It’s been a little over the month since the breakup, since then, he’s messaged me 2-3 times about random topics (that I don’t care about), and has continuously liked my things on multiple social media platforms. For the most part I have not contacted him, though when he messaged me about a stupid topic I caved in but I’ve been ignoring him since.

We had an extremely strong connection, we were alike in a lot of ways which is maybe one of the reasons why I’m taking this so hard. Basically he broke up with me since he was scared of our relationship getting to a point like his last relationship. In his last relationship, his ex was very depressing and manipulative and it took a very big toll on him. It made him fall into a deep depression for 4-5 months. When he broke up with me, he said “I’ll always have a part of me that loves you, and I’m always going to care”. He also said that he still wanted to talk to me but I declined, which I thank myself for doing so.

I made the idiotic mistake of looking at his social media accounts and I’ve come to see that him and his ex are friends again. Ever since finding this out I’ve been having random fits of really bad anxiety that suppressed my appetites and completely takes over my thought process. I guess I am super worried about this because I know his ex wants him back (she broke up with him because of a rumor, he wanted t break up with her but was too afraid). A part of me knows that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to take her back, but on the other hand, she is extremely manipulative so it could be possible.

Throughout the past month, he has messaged me about super random things such as the game Grand Theft Auto and one of his favorite celebrities. He also continuously likes my social media posts, and only mine (he only likes things he actually likes, he doesn’t like everything on his timeline).

Whenever he tries to message me, he seems really eager since he sends 4-5 messages at a time instead of just one.

If he was really done with me, wouldn’t he unfriend me and stop liking my stuff? Any thoughts on his behavior? I’m trying my best to ignore him and move on but I need some insight. Please don’t just say “move on” because I’m trying my hardest to.

Thanks

Why dont you block and delete him then you won't have to deal with him contacting you in random ways?

Why dont you block and delete him then you won't have to deal with him contacting you in random ways?

We have mutual friends. Even if I blocked him, he would contact me through them. I have unfollowed him though so I don’t always get updates on his life and I’ve muted him too. I don’t want him to think I hate him or anything or that I have feelings of anger, because I don’t. I just miss him a lot and I don’t understand him.

Ah the old "I still love you and care about you"..., Heard that one a few times...

They're just trying to let you down gently and alleviate their own feelings of guilt.

But to me it just confuses me more! If you still "love and care" about me then why are we not together...?

He might even try to see you and make you believe he wants to try again but in reality just wean off you leaving you with false hope and more heartbreak.

This is what me and Mikey have just been through...

You're only one month out so this will take some time.

If you've been strong enough to not reply to his msgs then you've been stronger than me

Time to take care of You now.

The grieving process will do it's thing. The sadness and crying will come and go like it does...but it's important you let it. Don't try and suppress it.

You have to feel it to heal it*

Whilst that's going on though just take care of everything else. Diet, sleep and exercise are all very important at this time. And posting here when you need to.

And stay away from his relationship with his ex. That will run its own course... But when it does, that is when he will come at you even harder. That is when you will have to be stronger than ever!

Hopefully it won't be for a while to give you enough time to grieve and get into that place of strength.

Keep it moving Hunni.

Carus*

Ah the old "I still love you and care about you"..., Heard that one a few times...

 

They're just trying to let you down gently and alleviate their own feelings of guilt.

 

But to me it just confuses me more! If you still "love and care" about me then why are we not together...?

 

He might even try to see you and make you believe he wants to try again but in reality just wean off you leaving you with false hope and more heartbreak.

 

This is what me and Mikey have just been through...

 

You're only one month out so this will take some time.

 

If you've been strong enough to not reply to his msgs then you've been stronger than me

 

Time to take care of You now.

 

The grieving process will do it's thing. The sadness and crying will come and go like it does...but it's important you let it. Don't try and suppress it.

 

You have to feel it to heal it*

 

Whilst that's going on though just take care of everything else. Diet, sleep and exercise are all very important at this time. And posting here when you need to.

 

And stay away from his relationship with his ex. That will run its own course... But when it does, that is when he will come at you even harder. That is when you will have to be stronger than ever!

 

Hopefully it won't be for a while to give you enough time to grieve and get into that place of strength.

 

Keep it moving Hunni.

Carus*

Thank you so much for this.

I just feel so weird about this. When he broke up with me it was completely impulsive (a few hours before the breakup he said he wanted to work on us and be stronger than ever). Also, he isn’t with his ex and he told me “I’ll never go back to that again” but anything can happen I guess. He is a super closed person so even if he did want to get back with me, it would have to be something you force out of him He broke up with me due to a fear, it just makes no sense because I am not like his ex...

Hmm. If that is the case then why is he hanging out with her? To give HER false hopes too..??

You should not have to 'force' anything...

What you (and l) want is to be with someone who wants to be with us. 100%!

Never chase someone who has dumped and rejected you!

You are the prize here. They need to earn another chance with YOU!

It's such a pity though the way our stoopid brains work. I have so many friends and people who love me and the rest of my life is great.

Yet just because ONE person doesn't want to be with me I suffer and cry like a 5 year old most days...

Crazy stuff...!

Carus*

Like myself, you need to focus on yourself right now. I am recently out of a breakup from a very mentally turned abusive relationship. I have similar feelings to the ones you've described and can relate even though our situations differ. When you have those negative thoughts about him, try to bring the focus back to yourself and the way you want to be treated by someone. He sounds a little manipulative on his end - usually when guys say that about their ex it actually means they are the manipulative one. I was told the same thing and my ex ended up being a pathologically liar and abuser. I actually reached out to his exes and gained a lot of knowledge, understanding and peace of mind from doing that.

Like myself, you need to focus on yourself right now. I am recently out of a breakup from a very mentally turned abusive relationship. I have similar feelings to the ones you've described and can relate even though our situations differ. When you have those negative thoughts about him, try to bring the focus back to yourself and the way you want to be treated by someone. He sounds a little manipulative on his end - usually when guys say that about their ex it actually means they are the manipulative one. I was told the same thing and my ex ended up being a pathologically liar and abuser. I actually reached out to his exes and gained a lot of knowledge, understanding and peace of mind from doing that.

he wasn’t manipulative at all. the only problem he has is really bad anxiety, where he broke up with me because of his worries. i have also heard a lot of things about his ex and she is very manipulative and seems to have codependency issues too

He broke up with you because of fears and anxiety so yes when he still says he cares for you that may be very much true but it doesn’t make him anymore capable of being in a relationship with you . It’s extra hard as you don’t see any logical reason for the breakup as it’s stiff in his head . A month is a really short amount of time if you really loved someone . I’m out 11 weeks and still cry at some stage every day but it is getting easier . Like you it was due to his fears as opposed to anything fundamentally wrong in the actual relationship and this makes it harder . Even if he is friends with the ex on social media they may be just chatting over and back . Nothing may come of it and if has such issues after his relationship with her then I doubt he will be capable of going back into a relationship with her .

He broke up with you because of fears and anxiety so yes when he still says he cares for you that may be very much true but it doesn’t make him anymore capable of being in a relationship with you . It’s extra hard as you don’t see any logical reason for the breakup as it’s stiff in his head . A month is a really short amount of time if you really loved someone . I’m out 11 weeks and still cry at some stage every day but it is getting easier . Like you it was due to his fears as opposed to anything fundamentally wrong in the actual relationship and this makes it harder . Even if he is friends with the ex on social media they may be just chatting over and back . Nothing may come of it and if has such issues after his relationship with her then I doubt he will be capable of going back into a relationship with her .

thank you so much. i guess I’m just thinking too much about this, i know he wouldn’t go back to her especially if he broke up with me due to his worries.

Ah the old "I still love you and care about you"..., Heard that one a few times...

 

They're just trying to let you down gently and alleviate their own feelings of guilt.

 

But to me it just confuses me more! If you still "love and care" about me then why are we not together...?

 

He might even try to see you and make you believe he wants to try again but in reality just wean off you leaving you with false hope and more heartbreak.

 

This is what me and Mikey have just been through...

 

You're only one month out so this will take some time.

 

If you've been strong enough to not reply to his msgs then you've been stronger than me

 

Time to take care of You now.

 

The grieving process will do it's thing. The sadness and crying will come and go like it does...but it's important you let it. Don't try and suppress it.

 

You have to feel it to heal it*

 

Whilst that's going on though just take care of everything else. Diet, sleep and exercise are all very important at this time. And posting here when you need to.

 

And stay away from his relationship with his ex. That will run its own course... But when it does, that is when he will come at you even harder. That is when you will have to be stronger than ever!

 

Hopefully it won't be for a while to give you enough time to grieve and get into that place of strength.

 

Keep it moving Hunni.

Carus*

Like Carus said...

And I will add... When they dump you and still stick around... Stay in contact... and even persuade you to believe that they want you back... It is a ploy.... All they are doing is selfishly using you because you are easy to be used... Because you are allowing them to have the power... It is deception, selfishness, about them (NOT YOU)... Oh and they are preventing you from moving on.... They are controlling the traffic... So, you need to start controlling that traffic and take that power away from him... Say NO and go NC and stay away.... NC works... And you have tons of folks here to support you... Do not be his EGO BOOST.....

thank you so much. i guess I’m just thinking too much about this, i know he wouldn’t go back to her especially if he broke up with me due to his worries.

Yes it’s natural during breakup that your mind will obsess over things that make you feel even worse . If his anxiety caused him to leave you then there is no way he would go back into the situation that caused him such anxiety and depression before with his ex so don’t be thinking of that .

Yes it’s natural during breakup that your mind will obsess over things that make you feel even worse . If his anxiety caused him to leave you then there is no way he would go back into the situation that caused him such anxiety and depression before with his ex so don’t be thinking of that .

I don't want to be the wet blanket here, but it's totally possible for him to get back with his ex. I've seen similar situations with my own eyes. Cheating, dumping, sexually transmitted diseases, abandonment--there is something about someone leaving us that makes us what them back, even if they weren't good for us in the first place. It might not last or it might, who knows.

I'm not saying he'll go back, but the point is.....just forget about it altogether so that it doesn't matter. If he does go back to his ex, you don't it to crush you like it has me.