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My ex bf told me he wants sex, nudes and me to loan him money until he's stable... Should I lend $?


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Hello.. I am 22 I met my ex bf (21) 3 years ago in college. He dropped out of college after the first semester.. he didn't go to finals. He stayed in the college town and got a title loan to pay for the apartment he was staying in. I didn't know him very well the first few months and it wasn't until later on until I found out about his title loan. I always kind of knew he struggled for money. I was okay with paying when we went out and paying for groceries. We spent so much time together everyday and night. I fell in love with him. He didn't get a job during the months of staying there he just sat around and partied. Meeting him made me realize materialistic things don't please me as much as I thought I did. I didn't need a guy with a big fortune at all.

 

Anyways.. the next few years we continue to see each other he stayed in the college town we lived in a couple different apartments together. He had 2 jobs during the time; one lasted 3 weeks and one lasted 2.5 months and it was when he worked with me and my family at my home.

 

I broke up with him in the beginning of 2017 we had lots of fights and I realized I was obsessive over him and his actions. I worried about his financial stability and his overall commitment to himself a lot.. In the last apartment we were in he played on our roommate's video game station all day, everyday. By here he had stopped smoking cigarettes and partying.. He just drank a few times a month.. I feel like he didn't care about his life at all. And I was just going to school and coming home to him doing nothing. It started to affect my anxiety a lot. I couldn't balance worrying about him and fighting and wondering what he would be doing if he wasn't dating me. For example I don't think he would have stuck around that city if he wasn't dating me... He relied on me financially a lot and I started to be controlling thinking it was helping him.. Thinking I could fix him. But it wasn't in my natural nature to care for a "son" and control his actions... I ended it. I also had to find myself and I felt like I wasn't my own person anymore. I was angry and often stressed.

 

After break up I moved out into my own apartment it was the first time being alone since going to college! I felt free and independent I even went on a few dates. My ex and I stayed in contact we frequently hooked up.. I started to regret my decision and I just missed him and wanted him back. But he told me no.. The semester was coming to an end and he was planning on leaving the state for a summer sales job. I was excited and proud he lined up a job. Over the summer he got a vehicle! I was proud of him.. He was so excited like a child getting a shiny new toy! I was happy that I felt happy because during the relationship it got to the point where I'd get so anxious when he would tell me he wanted to buy something.. I would freak out "like you don't have any money or job how aren't you worried about saving your precious money!!" but over the summer I felt it was healthy I didn't stress he told me he bought a truck.. I was just really happy for him.

 

Then summer ends, he comes back and visits me at the college town. I wasn't able to continue school because of stress and ending up in the ER and counseling.. I came to realization with my anxiety and my dramatic childhood.. I stuck around the town for a few days waiting to see him and visit with him. We met and he did not want to get back together.. he turned things around on me and told me I needed to get my life together. He told me he wanted a healthy foundation for our relationship.. I told him I was sorry he said sorry doesn't mean you won't stop the fights.. blah blah blah.. I took it harsh in the beginning but now I realize he was only diverting the attention away from him because he had actually slept with a girl over the summer after he promised me he wouldn't and lied to me when I asked him if he was seeing anyone. But that is another story. Anyways had sex once before I moved back home... during it he kept asking me how much I missed him and his body but he didn't say he missed me ... he was being very kissy.

 

After I went home I asked him again if he would give me another chance. He told me he didn't love me anymore.. he told me to leave him alone. He told me he had moved on a long time ago over the summer. But over the summer he did not have that attitude! He acted like we were going to work things out.. But it's wrong for me to assume that. I became the crazy ex that called 100 times and texted like crazy and begged nonstop a few times. I tried to go no contact with him. But 3 days max not talking. I just cave and I keep feeling like I want to try one more time. I just love him!

 

About 3 weeks ago he asked me for a loan of $700 I told him no.. I told him I just didn't want to keep him on my mind anymore. I've been so confused. I'm living at home right now working everyday, healing mental health and preparing for school next semester. He has been lying to me telling me he lives in a different city but I know he has been living in the college town with friends on a couch. Which I don't care! I don't judge at all. He lied about having a job.. now he says he really has a job. In fact he says he has a second job now. Which probably means he has one?? I don't know! He doesn't know that I can see where he is on a social media map that updates by the minute... He hasn't admitted to me that he lives in the college town. I don't know why! I'm not living there... it's not like I can go bother him. I don't know if he doesn't want me to worry or something. But I don't understand why he would lie about it. So I've given up on getting him to admit it. Probably doesn't want to admit couch bumming.

 

During this time (since I moved home) I continued to send him pictures of myself.. he had told me to stop because we are "just friends".. then he asks again. So I ask him "I thought we weren't doing that anymore" and he said "I only want you to send me them when I ask". One time I asked him "so you really want me to leave you alone and not have anything to do with me". He said "wanna loan me 1000" and I said "if that is what you need". He didn't reply.. a few days later he told me he really needs that money to pay this bill that bill to do this and that. He said "I wouldn't ask if we weren't so close". I kept trying and asking if I could have a chance.. he just ignored me and asked for nudes... I told him bye multiple times intending to not talk to him again.. but I just end up asking again the next day and he just asks for nudes.

 

So a couple nights ago after we exchanged some pictures.. he asked me for $500.. I saw it the next day and I didn't reply. I was thinking about it. He asked again and I told him "no I need to move on I don't want to hold on to hope".. Because if anyone else asked me I would probably just say no.. but when it comes to him I have a hard time saying no and I just want to help him but he doesn't even tell me where he lives.. he can't even be honest with that.. he just lies like I am stupid! Oh but I would do anything for him I want to help him so bad.

 

So today I texted asked if he really doesn't want a chance with me. And he said "our time is over".

I said " I don't want you to move on you're going to love someone else"...

He said "I'm not going to love anyone else... Do you want to send me nudes and loan me money?"

I said "so you just don't want to commit"

He said "yup"

I said "I understand.. I am just not the one for you and it's okay I accept it.

He said "well do you wanna send me nudes I like masturbating to you a lot"

I said "so you want me to be one of the girls you sleep with and get sexual favors from"

He said "You'll be the only girl like that, I'm too busy for other woman you'd be number 1"

I said "ya until you go back to ______ (summer job)" (when he hooked up with that girl)

he said "not going back... you will be the only one sending me nudes and riding me and giving me amazing bjs and loaning me money until I'm stable"

 

I felt so special with him saying that! It was the most conversation I had with him in months... I told him "you make my heart melt...."

He then requests $600 from me..

 

Now I'm anxious if he is using me... But I believe he has feelings for me he has to right?? We spent so long together. He says he wants to work on himself... Do I believe him?? I'm scared if I don't help him he won't want anything to do with me anymore.. If he is really just working on himself I want to help him and be here for him. But what if he is just using me.. What do you think? What does it sound like? I will do anything to have a chance.. Please help! Any insight would be great..

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If he won't have anything to do with you unless you give him money...YES, he is using you.

 

PS: THIS made you feel "special"?????????

"he said "not going back... you will be the only one sending me nudes and riding me and giving me amazing bjs and loaning me money until I'm stable""

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Well. I ended up reading most of it.

Yes.

He IS, has been, will only USE YOU.

The things that you think are so sweet and heart melty now--will mean nothing to you once you meet a genuine nice (for you) type of guy. This guy just sounds sleazy. Please stop texting, calling, and especially please stop sleeping with him. He is a liar and will end up giving you something you don't want. I'm scared for you. Please get away from him.

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Oh, somehow I missed that his guy was your ex, not current bf!!! He must think you're an idiot - not only does he want money, but he wants blackmail material so that when you ask him for money later, he'll threaten to make the nudes public. Goodness. good riddance. block!!!

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"he said "not going back... you will be the only one sending me nudes and riding me and giving me amazing bjs and loaning me money until I'm stable"

 

I felt so special with him saying that! It was the most conversation I had with him in months... I told him "you make my heart melt...."

He then requests $600 from me.."

 

You've got to be kidding me, right?! I think you are a troll, as this is too unbelievable. He sounds like he's mocking you through these texts and you're taking it as a compliment....if this really is a serious post, you are incredibly delusional. He's milking you for everything you got; sex, money, nudes etc.

 

In case you didn't already figure it out, that's an additional HELL NO from me for giving him anything.

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