Sorry to whine again, but WHEN?

Today is my last post ( ).

I had decided to post till 16th of November and I am glad I posted here daily. But the progress is nothing, nothing at all. I still miss him terribly, I still feel bad for the mistakes I had committed, which ultimately led/ forced him to break up with me. Even though I apologised and did everything I could to save the relationship, but I couldn't . I couldn't save the relationship. I know he's gone, I know he's not mine anymore, I know he's way too ahead now, I know I pushed him away. But I want to move on now, I want to live my life and stop crying.

I do everything to stop him to cross my mind. I wake up.early, study, go for a morning run, then get ready for the classes (preparing for competitive exams to have a good job), come back from classes, take a nap, then roam around in the evening and again study then hit the sack.

I do accept I am not a good person, but yes, I have learned my lessons. And I know I can't have him anymore.

My problem is when I'll begin to forget him. When I'll begin to take it lightly. When I'll begun to make a real progress. When I'll stop regretting that I have lost him. When I'll begin to laugh remembering this hurt and pain. When I'll realise we weren't bound to be together and someone better and awesome is yet to come. When I'll stop whining about him in my heart and head and here on ENA. When will I begin to love and forgive myself for all the mistakes I had committed for all the flaws I have/had?

When you forgive yourself and realize that you are not a bad person, that it wasn't all your fault, that it takes two to make or break things and he was 50% of everything, good and bad. Guilting yourself is a really bad habit you need to work on breaking before it breaks you.

When you forgive yourself and realize that you are not a bad person, that it wasn't all your fault, that it takes two to make or break things and he was 50% of everything, good and bad. Guilting yourself is a really bad habit you need to work on breaking before it breaks you.

And this is what I am failing to do again and again. The mistakes I had committed eats me up. Makes me so restless that I feel what a sin I have done. I feel bad that I have hurt him unknowingly, I never ever wanted to hurt him though.

And this is what I am failing to do again and again. The mistakes I had committed eats me up. Makes me so restless that I feel what a sin I have done. I feel bad that I have hurt him unknowingly, I never ever wanted to hurt him though.

Then maybe it's time to get some professional help because this issue you have isn't just about him. You blame yourself and have trouble with that in other areas of your life as well and it's really harming you.

Hi Elavohra,

IMO there are 4 phases of breaking up: Denial, Anger, Depression and Acceptance.

Over the past few months we have watched you working through this break-up, from your initial denial that it was happening at all, to your anger at putting yourself through this, for being unhappy, for the situation that you are in and wishing it to be over. Now I start to see you being depressed for still being here, for wondering when it will be over.

All I can say is that you are working through it, you are heading towards acceptance. I can't say when this will happen, but it will happen. Just keep pushing forward and keep working through it and soon it will be over.

And while whining might be frustrating for you, it is what ENA is good for, getting that off your chest. Your whining is actually helping you, the more you do it, the more you grow frustrated with it, the more you push yourself forward to move on.

Then maybe it's time to get some professional help because this issue you have isn't just about him. You blame yourself and have trouble with that in other areas of your life as well and it's really harming you.

May be you're right. Seeking professional help perhaps is going to work. Or perhaps I need to push myself a lot more.

Can you suggest from where to begin?

Hi Elavohra,

 

IMO there are 4 phases of breaking up: Denial, Anger, Depression and Acceptance.

 

Over the past few months we have watched you working through this break-up, from your initial denial that it was happening at all, to your anger at putting yourself through this, for being unhappy, for the situation that you are in and wishing it to be over. Now I start to see you being depressed for still being here, for wondering when it will be over.

 

All I can say is that you are working through it, you are heading towards acceptance. I can't say when this will happen, but it will happen. Just keep pushing forward and keep working through it and soon it will be over.

 

And while whining might be frustrating for you, it is what ENA is good for, getting that off your chest. Your whining is actually helping you, the more you do it, the more you grow frustrated with it, the more you push yourself forward to move on.

Oh Keyman! Good to hear from you again. How have you been, sir?

Yes, I am working upon it. But the wounds are still fresh and bleeding. My heart almost aches daily. I miss him terribly and then I get sick of rewinding past again and again. It hurts when your used to be significant other is all cool and living the life they wanted. It hurts when you were blocking their path to happiness (I suppose) are now having gala days. I really need your help and support.

May be you're right. Seeking professional help perhaps is going to work. Or perhaps I need to push myself a lot more.

Your problem is that you push yourself too much. High idealistic expectations and when you don't live up to them, you get riddled with guilt and over inflated feelings of failure. I really think you need to work with someone to help you adjust your perceptions a little. You are way too hard on yourself and very unforgiving with yourself and it's really hurting you and stopping you from being where you want to be. A self defeating vicious cycle. Sometimes we all could use a little coaching to get out of that.

Your problem is that you push yourself too much. High idealistic expectations and when you don't live up to them, you get riddled with guilt and over inflated feelings of failure. I really think you need to work with someone to help you adjust your perceptions a little. You are way too hard on yourself and very unforgiving with yourself and it's really hurting you and stopping you from being where you want to be. A self defeating vicious cycle. Sometimes we all could use a little coaching to get out of that.

Dear lord! You're totally true. I will definitely take a little coaching but will you also help me out to beat this disorder?

What do you do besides study? Do you have a job? Do you go places with friends?

If all you do is "roam around" in the evening (what does that mean anyway??), that gives you time to wallow in your pain. What do you do for fun?

ela there isn't a bad bone in your body ... you may feel like it and at some point my darling you have to allow yourself to let it go ...Go for a walk ..do you have a park with a lake ...go for a walk on your own and tap into your spiritual side , stand at the lake and imagine getting all that bad and guilt you feel and throwing into the lake and ask the universe to take it away , thank the universe for giving you this experience and now you choose to free yourself of the ties that hold you to guilt . When the bad thoughts creep back ( as they often do ) then just say * I do not give power to these bad feelings , I am a good person and deserve happiness * ....because YOU DO ...you do ela

You have done everything you can that anyone could advise on here , you started a journal , you started to go running , you have worked hard at your studies you have tried to distract yourself ..you really have tried hard and you have to be proud of yourself for the strength you have, to have done all of that . Now time is the healer , and it will heal in the end ...this wont last forever x

I feel exactly the same. I am 18 months out of the relationship and I think of him regularly, tormented by what I cannot have. I have so much self blame over an argument we had where I was insecure. I try to keep myself busy but it does no good. He will not have any contact with me. I don't know if the pain and self blame and wondering about him will ever end x

I feel exactly the same. I am 18 months out of the relationship and I think of him regularly, tormented by what I cannot have. I have so much self blame over an argument we had where I was insecure. I try to keep myself busy but it does no good. He will not have any contact with me. I don't know if the pain and self blame and wondering about him will ever end x

lois it will ....and a lot of times we have to realise we need to re wire our thought process ...you and ela are holding yourselves in a place of guilt and blame and you have to end that for yourselves them fight to keep the thoughts away .

Today is my last post ( ).

I had decided to post till 16th of November and I am glad I posted here daily. But the progress is nothing, nothing at all. I still miss him terribly, I still feel bad for the mistakes I had committed, which ultimately led/ forced him to break up with me. Even though I apologised and did everything I could to save the relationship, but I couldn't . I couldn't save the relationship. I know he's gone, I know he's not mine anymore, I know he's way too ahead now, I know I pushed him away. But I want to move on now, I want to live my life and stop crying.

I do everything to stop him to cross my mind. I wake up.early, study, go for a morning run, then get ready for the classes (preparing for competitive exams to have a good job), come back from classes, take a nap, then roam around in the evening and again study then hit the sack.

I do accept I am not a good person, but yes, I have learned my lessons. And I know I can't have him anymore.

My problem is when I'll begin to forget him. When I'll begin to take it lightly. When I'll begun to make a real progress. When I'll stop regretting that I have lost him. When I'll begin to laugh remembering this hurt and pain. When I'll realise we weren't bound to be together and someone better and awesome is yet to come. When I'll stop whining about him in my heart and head and here on ENA. When will I begin to love and forgive myself for all the mistakes I had committed for all the flaws I have/had?

Do not put a time limit (w/in reason of course) for healing. The end goal is not how much time is spent, but how you spend your time grieving. Build yourself up, getting over him won't magically make your life better and most of the time we never get closure anyways.