General advice needed about an ex

This is a long one so I apologise in advance. I guess I want people who read this to get the full picture so they can comment honestly. Here goes....

It all started 18 months ago. I met this girl online. We clicked immediately and got on really well. She is from Belarus. About 2 weeks later we started dating. Things went really well but she had to go home a few months later. The long term plan was that she would be coming back so we kept on dating. I 100% admit that I took her for granted. To this day I really don't understand why I did. She would want to meet up and go on hols but I kept putting it off. I have to admit now that I did this because I have confidence issues and always considered myself not good enough for her. She is absolutely stunning and always wonder what she finds in me. I love her so much but my lack of self esteem got in the way. I would feel like a loser next to her. This was issues I had. I also have an illness called Crohns. She was so supportive but if anybody is familiar with this illness, I was afraid of meeting up because if issues associated with it. I never stopped loving her although I do admit that it may have came across to her that I didn't value her. It turned into a long distance relationship but the plan obviously wasn't for it to be like that for good. We would talk for hours every evening. Because I put off meeting up (my fault) she decided to go away on holiday to Thailand with a friend from work. Wanted her to go have fun (Will come back to this later)

Anyway, 9 months after we first started going out I got a phone call as I was on my way home from work. Remember it like it was yesterday. It was end of January. She came out and said it wasn't working and it was best we end it. I was in complete shock. I know it was tough with the distance thing but I didn't expect that. So we broke up. We still kept in touch although a few weeks initially after we broke up we didn't speak.

As I said, I never stopped loving her and I did stupid things but during the time we didn't speak I began to actually realise how much I seriously love this girl. Never felt anything like it before. Love her beyond words so I fought to get her back. I did so much to prove to her what she meant to me. I knew she was friends with this other guy and they met roughly the same time we started dating. They only met once or twice and she told me in advance when she did. Anyway, when I fought for her she finally came out and said she was seeing someone else. It was that guy. I knew her really liked her but she never felt anything like that towards him when we were together. She told me afterwards that when we broke up that he was there for her and she got with him because she was afraid of being alone and that she regretted moving on so fast. He lived in Turkey at the time so she went to see him to take her mind off things and to get away after our break up. She said she never expected me to fight to get her back. She expected me to just move on. So she hates herself for moving on so fast knowing how I really feel about her. I saw she had many doubts in her head so I continued to prove to her how much I love her and fight for her. She never initially told me to move on. If she was clear and adamant and told me to move on and she was happy then I would have accepted it no matter how hard it was but she didn't and she kept showing little signs it could be good between us again. She admitted that although she feels a lot for this other guy, it wasn't love.

Although we were not back together, things were good between us around May/June time. She was still with him. I know he loves her a lot too. He was in Australia by this time. He is from Egypt but lives there now. She told me he had asked her numerous times about marriage and how he wants her to move to Australia to be together properly. She said it was too soon to talk about that. Anyway, we got on well and things looked to be going good. She told me one evening in July that he had booked flights to come to see her in August for 2 weeks. Was obviously jealous. She said she didn't want to hurt either of us. A week or so before he came, she told me one evening she knows what she wants and that she was going to end it with him but wanted to end it in person. She felt responsible for him while he was coming to visit her. I remember those two weeks were hell for me and we only had literally one or two texts during that time. I didn't want to disturb her while she was with him. I remember her telling me before that she tried to end it with him but he would persuade her to stay. She was weak. I thought the same would happen during those 2 weeks. Anyway, the day after he left to go back she rang me and told me she ended it. She admitted they did kiss during the trip but that she ended it with him and that it was her turn to fight for me. I played it down but you have no idea how happy I was to hear her say it was her turn to fight for me. A few weeks went by as normal. I didn't see any fight from her. I wanted to see if she really wanted this. I asked her if she was still talking to him. She said yes but not a lot. She wanted to still be friends with him and cared for him.

We had planned to meet up again but I wanted everything clear before we did. In September, she agreed to give it another shot between us. I was over the moon. Felt like the luckiest guy in the world (my mind had doubts though because I knew both of them were still talking so it messed with my head) We arranged to go somewhere together. I was going to book the flights. We had a call one evening before I did book them and it was a normal conversation but I started to doubt how she felt because it was always me fighting for her. And I knew they were still talking. After that call, I had a Skype call with a friend who moved to Canada. Once that call finished my mind was all over the place and wasn't thinking straight. I put in a search for this guy's name and just sent a hello message. He responded saying he wanted to get in touch with me but didn't have my full details. Anyway that was the evening my world turned upside down. He told me she never ended it when he came to visit her. She told me she did. He said they were intimate every evening. She told me nothing happened only kissing once. When she went to Thailand which i mentioned earlier, she didn't go with friends, she went with him and they were intimate there too. But the time she went to Thailand, we were still together. She slept with him there. More to come. He told me that they have been ENGAGED since February. I was completely shocked. Devastated. He said he is going to marry her in December. This conversation happened end of September.

He went back and told her about our chat. She sent me a video message next day where she broke down and admitted it. Said she was so sorry and that she never felt wanted by me. He was doing everything she wanted me to do. Said she felt alone and weak and he kept persuading her to stay with him. Agreed to the engagement and wanted to tell me but when she brought it up and saw how shocked I was, she backed off telling me. She cried a lot. We spoke on video next day because I needed answers. When she answered she was drunk. She said she told one lie a d it got bigger and bigger and couldn't tell me. Agreed to get back with me because felt like it was the only way we would meet again and she said that he told her if she ever met me again he would end it so she wanted situation resolved without doing anything. That's why she agreed to give it another shot with me.

I was so so angry. Hurt. But what is bad? I can't stop loving this girl. I hate myself for it after what she did but I love her so much. I can't turn off how I feel. We do still speak but it's very awkward now and I completely hate myself for saying this but I still want her. Never loved anybody like I do her. She said she cried at night wanting to get back together but knew it wasn't possible after them lies she told. Says she still plans on ending it with him. A few weeks passed by with the odd text and I still want to be with her and she knows this. Trying to understand why she did what she did but I still love her. We talk briefly and I still want her. We didn't speak for two weeks at one point. I got back in touch with her and she said she was so happy to hear from me. We talked here and there. A week or so later she sent me a text saying there was still one thing she still hasn't told me since we started talking again. She booked vacation to go to Vietnam with him to settle everything. Felt betrayed again because I had offered to meet up with her and She told me to wait. Next thing she is telling me she is meeting him

She keeps saying she is going to end it but it will take time. To be fair to her, she told me just recently to move on and she doesn't want me to wait for her because she doesn't know when that will be. That it's not 100% over between them and when she meets me she wants things to be clear which is why she didn't want to meet me now. She flew off this morning for her trip to see him for nearly two weeks. Finding it so hard. Don't think I can continue like this. Completely ruining me.

I think the one thing you did that is torturing you is that you willingly entered a love triangle. It is one thing before when you didn't know about the other guy, but as soon as you knew they were dating, you accepted the arrangement and the response would be to cut her off -- and the only way back is if she is not seeing anyone because she is showing you that she doesn't respect relationships. if she had eventually come back to you, she would not be faithful - since she is not faithful by talking to you while being with him. She played you and led you on whether she did it by plan or if she simply goes along with what any one else wants.

You deserve more than this. Do not wait for her. She is stringing you along. There are many women out there who are looking for a genuine relationship. I know it hurts, but the faster you stop communicating with her, the sooner you will heal.

I think the one thing you did that is torturing you is that you willingly entered a love triangle. It is one thing before when you didn't know about the other guy, but as soon as you knew they were dating, you accepted the arrangement and the response would be to cut her off -- and the only way back is if she is not seeing anyone because she is showing you that she doesn't respect relationships. if she had eventually come back to you, she would not be faithful - since she is not faithful by talking to you while being with him. She played you and led you on whether she did it by plan or if she simply goes along with what any one else wants.

 

You deserve more than this. Do not wait for her. She is stringing you along. There are many women out there who are looking for a genuine relationship. I know it hurts, but the faster you stop communicating with her, the sooner you will heal.

Thanks for replying. I know you are right and it is easy for people to say move on but I seriously can't. I have never felt like this about someone and I know how much I love her so it's really hard to let go. I love her beyond words. Really do. Just hurts when she gave me false hope in past saying she is going to end it with him. Always made me believe we could be good again. Only for her to tell me a month or so later that she is going away with him. She said to settle everything but I think there is more to the trip than she is letting on. You wouldn't fly so far to see him if you were not going to have fun. She has since told me to move on because she doesn't want me to wait for her because she doesn't know how long it will be. She says move on but then follows it by saying she doesn't know how long it will be so again makes it difficult to move on if there is slight hope. But at the end of the day, a friend told me "There should be no confusion when it comes to love." It all seems to be one-way.