Feeling blue around a family member

I think I may be part of a narcissist family dynamic. Reasons being due to my own feelings and experiences, and from the responses from other posters when I posted about all that had happened at home over the years on a different help website. I was told by many posters that it indeed did sound either narcissistic, or just plain 'toxic'.

But I'm still not sure.

I can't help but feel my mood slipping into a downward spiral with one certain person. I have never felt like this with anyone else, that's the funny thing, it's really weird. Even when anyone else angers or oversteps the mark, I hardly ever feel myself slipping into a depression over it as I just think oh nuts to them! Not the case with this person though.

And they are in my family, so unless I get into a relationship anytime soon and move out of the family home, there isn't really much I can really do to avoid or not have too much contact with them...

There has just been a lot of history with this person, including memories of just being criticized constantly and having to listen to/experience the very strong/extreme reactions of their bad moods/temperamental mood swings, for years. I'm unsure if this is why I feel so rubbish around them in general, or if it's because they are actually a narcissist...

They've also always been very possessive over my other parent, getting annoyed when they want to go out (even just to town) and getting p'ed off when their dinner isn't done because my other parent got back too late or something. They also rarely pick up after themselves, leaving it to my other parent to do it all, as they have done without any complaint, for years. They also hate to hear anyone being upset or angry, but expect to be listened to when they are upset or angry themselves.

I tend to feel happier when I'm not around this person full stop, but people tend to judge you if you aren't close to all your family and because this person has always "kept up appearances" in public, I doubt a lot of people would believe my experiences with them for a second...my ex-partner was even fooled by it

It has affected my romantic relationships in the past, I think because the r/ship I had/have with them is quite unhealthy, it then meant I would get involved with men who were either unavailable or who I ended up really hurting because I was hurting over the dynamic at home which never changed or improved. I've learnt from my mistakes now of course, but I just notice how I feel so miserable or angry around this person, still, and I don't want that in my life forever... It's depressing

My other parent seems to just enable and let off their behaviour all the time, and I tend to feel like a bit of a scapegoat.

I noticed how relieved I felt, years ago now, when my parent tried to leave them. Of course they never did because this person cajoled them into not leaving them and it worked, every time.

Any advice or anecdotes at all?

Why have you not moved out?

"unless I get into a relationship anytime soon and move out of the family home" - a relationship with someone isn't going to be on the cards for a while I don't think. I've just come out of a relationship which had a very painful ending and a LOT of bad history in it. I can't afford to move out alone, and as a single woman, living in a flat on my own is not really something I feel I'd find very particularly safe.

"unless I get into a relationship anytime soon and move out of the family home" - a relationship with someone isn't going to be on the cards for a while I don't think. I've just come out of a relationship which had a very painful ending and a LOT of bad history in it. I can't afford to move out alone, and as a single woman, living in a flat on my own is not really something I feel I'd find very particularly safe.

Consider roommates.

It's too tall an order to place on a relationship that it rescue you from a lousy living situation. Explore boarding houses, sharing a place with people with whom you are not romantically involved, renting a room in someone's private home, renting a small studio through a realtor who has access to select and unpublished places--there are lots of ways that people move out of their family home long before moving in with a lover. There are good reasons for that. Independence BEFORE moving in with a lover raises the chances of your relationship working out, because it removes heavy expectations that a partnerships can resolve what you, yourself, have not yet grown to resolve on your own.

I think you're seeing things that aren't there. I never said it has to 'rescue' me. I just can't move out, can't afford to, have no-one to move out with and would rather move out when I'm in a committed relationship.

My siblings never moved out on their own.

Sounds like a cultural issue that you will not even consider living on your own ?

The entire situation sounds incredibly toxic and codependent.

Incredibly toxic and codependent of myself or of the person I talked about?

As I'd just like to stress that I would never use someone, just to move out. I'm just saying that when I get to the age my siblings were when they moved out themselves, I'd like to do the same thing, just with someone I'm in a healthy committed r/ship with.

Being the age I am now, I see it being possible to be able to bring to fruition within about 2-3 years, possibly 4.

And it's entirely personal why I won't move out on my own. I wouldn't feel comfortable living completely alone and I definitely don't want to live with friends or room-mates, would prefer to with a partner.