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Thread: Why Doesn't He Get The Hint!!!????

  1. #1
    macdonner
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    Why Doesn't He Get The Hint!!!????

    I've posted a couple of times before but basically I am only doing contact with my ex about kids and bills, and we only communicate via text . I have told him this, I said that i am concentrating on me and all we need to communicate about is the kids and bills. He said that it is good that I'm concentrating on me but doesn't understand why we can't work on being friends. What i want to know is, as he knows that I'm only communicating about kids and bills why does he keep talking and doesn't take the hint????

    For example, I left to go on a 5 day break and he was coming to my house to watch the kids and dogs. He asked via text about some money I had left and I told him what it was for. I also clarified his other question that the food in the fridge was for the week until i returned. Basic info he needed to know. So then he sends a message which said, "Hope you have a good time, safe travels". I ignored it as usual.

    Yesterday I returned from my break. I came in the door, did not even speak to him, put my bag down and went to find my son and daughter. He left on his motorbike whilst this was happening. I didn't think anything of it, there was no need to communicate with him and he left as I was home. This morning he sent me a message to say he had transferred some money for a bill, then he sent another message which said "sorry for storming off, i was tired and had things to do. I take it that you had a good time".

    Why does he keep talking?? He knows i'm not going to respond!!! I hadn't even noticed he stormed off yesterday and even if I did, it's nothing to do with me how he behaves or reacts unless it's to do with kids/bills. He left 4 months ago, surely he gets the hint by now???

  2. #2
    pippy longstocking
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    Well I haven't read your back story so I may be jumping the gun here , but going from this alone

    Yesterday I returned from my break. I came in the door, did not even speak to him, put my bag down and went to find my son and daughter
    how rude ..I mean who does that , and what an example to set infront of your children .. I am shocked you had the father of your children stay at your house to look after them and the dog then didn't have the courtesy to say hello .

  3. #3
    macdonner
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippy longstocking [Register to see the link]
    Well I haven't read your back story so I may be jumping the gun here , but going from this alone



    how rude ..I mean who does that , and what an example to set infront of your children .. I am shocked you had the father of your children stay at your house to look after them and the dog then didn't have the courtesy to say hello .
    You have commented on one of my previous posts and so perhaps you would like to find what you wrote.....but basically he left me and my kids after 20 years together. i can't look at him nor talk to him without feeling angry and upset. It was entirely his choice to come to my house to look after the childre. The dogs were due to go to a kennels but he said he would take them to which I thanked him for in advance via text.

  4. #4
    pippy longstocking
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    I read back to see what I had written , but I stand by my post , it was rude .

  5. #5
    macdonner
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippy longstocking [Register to see the link]
    I read back to see what I had written , but I stand by my post , it was rude .
    Yes it may well have been rude but I had not prepared myself for walking back in and seeing him like I usually do.

  6. #6
    SweetGirl28
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    He's trying to get along for the sake of the children, I would assume. You are not obligated to reply to his texts, however in front of your kids you should be amicable. You are angry, hurt, and justifiably so. But think of your kids first.

  7. #7
    nutbrownhare
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    The communications you describe above don't warrant a reply; they're more like common courtesy than an attempt to engage you in conversation. If he was contacting you several times a day trying to chat, that would be different.

    I appreciate that you've been so badly hurt by this guy that you can hardly bear to give him the time of day, and this is showing itself in your refusal to engage with him at all. In that respect I don't blame you, and I wouldn't want to be friends either. However, just the meaningless pleasantries of everyday life won't pull you back into any kind of relationship with him, and being polite in the same way you would a total stranger can't hurt and, as SweetGirl says, it will make it easier for the children.

    ...and you can safely ignore his texts unless you really need to respond....

  8. #8
    macdonner
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    Quote Originally Posted by nutbrownhare [Register to see the link]
    The communications you describe above don't warrant a reply; they're more like common courtesy than an attempt to engage you in conversation. If he was contacting you several times a day trying to chat, that would be different.

    I appreciate that you've been so badly hurt by this guy that you can hardly bear to give him the time of day, and this is showing itself in your refusal to engage with him at all. In that respect I don't blame you, and I wouldn't want to be friends either. However, just the meaningless pleasantries of everyday life won't pull you back into any kind of relationship with him, and being polite in the same way you would a total stranger can't hurt and, as SweetGirl says, it will make it easier for the children.

    ...and you can safely ignore his texts unless you really need to respond....
    Thanks for the replies so far. I would like to point out a few things: Firstly, neither one of my children were in the room when I came home. Ordinarily I usually say Hi at least to him, especially if they are around. Yesterday, after having travelled for 8 hours/being on a high from having a wonderful trip/anxious to see my kids I had not mentally prepared myself for even saying hi to this man. i am still at the stage where I have to psyche myself up to be able to be in the same place as him, let alone do any form of communication. I gave this man 20 years of my life and he can't even give me the courtesy of trying counselling, so I am really not at the stage where I can play pretend that everything is hunky dory as it is.

    Perhaps if I mention that i have to tell my son not to call him *The Jerk*, which is not something he has got from me and I always tell him not to call his dad that because he isn't one (whether he is one or not). I don't bad mouth him in front of my kids. My son is responding to the way his dad has made him feel through his actions and behaviours towards my son...... indeed, my son is now seeing a psychologist one-to-one (he was in a group setting and progressing wonderfully before his dad left) as the psychologist says that his dad leaving has been detrimental to his progress. My son is stuck on repeat about the way that his dad dismissed his feelings when crying about an incident on the first day back at school. That was 3 months ago and his dad's reaction at the time is still making him upset and angry. So here I am, left to pick up the pieces and try and make out like everything is great while he sits in his apartment doing god knows what.

    Also just to show what a stand up guy he is, he told me he was leaving me 3 days before we returned home for a week to attend his mother's surprise 60th birthday. So I was supposed to just put on a happy face and act like nothing had happened for a week in front of his family and my dad - sorry, it didn't work that way and it made me look like the b**** that was trying to ruin the event because I did have a fake smile plastered on my face. Who tells someone 3 days before going away that they are leaving them after 20 years, he couldn't wait another week if he wanted to put on an act for his mum?

    Sorry for this rant and I appreciate that I am in no way not partly responsible for our marriage being rocky but I hope this gives you a rough idea of why i find it so hard to engage in fake pleasantries with this man at the moment.

  9. #9
    Brad Jhonsen

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    i think so... but he will do the same again and again ..

  10. #10
    charity
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    I appreciate that it is very hard and you are hurting right now. But as you can see from the replies, you will come off looking like the bad guy if you don't get control of the situation. From what you have said in this post he didn't go over the top with chatting and text, in face he did the bare necessity of having manners.

    Its a tough situation, I get it and you're mad as hell. I cant stand my ex so much but have to be as pleasant as possible. We do it for the kids.

    You don't have to be 'fake'. But you do need to have manners and be civil. Saying 'Hi Michael, how were the kids?. That's great. Well thanks for that, I'll see you soon' its not fake, it's communication devoid of emotion.

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