8 weeks of no contact and not one word from ex-bf :(

My ex-bf and I broke up 3 months ago. We were together for 4 years and we mutually broke up because he wasn't ready for marriage. We also fought a lot the last 2 months of our relationship since I wanted a commitment. For the first month after our break up, we kept in contact but seeing that we were not going to get back together, I decided to go strict no contact. This week marks week 8 of no contact and I haven't heard from him at all during this time.

I just don't understand it. We were together for 4 years and other than the commitment issue, we had a strong good relationship. He said he loves me very much but is hesitant as he can't fulfill my needs for marriage and kids any time soon. How can we go from being super close and the love of each other's lives to nothing? Does he not miss me at all? I also hear from mutual friends that he has been out partying a lot, meeting girls etc.

I feel so heartbroken and I'm getting to a point where I'm losing hope.

Do you think we are definitely over for good? Will he ever reach out?

For those of you who did strict NC, did your ex ever come back after 8 weeks?

He may come back but there is no point in that if he won't come back under the terms that you need to maintain the relationship. There is no sense hoping if he's not willing to marry you and have children with you if that is what you want and he doesn't.

You did the right thing breaking up with him when you have different end dating goals. The only thing you did wrong was hope that breaking up with him would make him give you what you wanted. Its been 8 weeks of NC now and you're still hoping instead of accepting it's over so you can heal and find a guy that will want what you want.

He might think you no longer care. Send him a simple text. Say I hope your doing well. I ran across ______ it made me think of you so I wanted to say hi

See where the conversation takes you but if you both have feelings or just one of you have feelings it might open a can of worms you really don't want to open again.

Or you might feel worse if he doesn't respond.

Think about it.

You broke up mutually because you agreed that you didn't have the same goals. You want more then him coming back. You want him to come back changed and ready to commit to marriage and kids soon. You are heart broken because break ups hurt, even when they are for the right reasons.

How old are you? Can you be with him without those things? You might be able to go back to him if you can accept not having those things. A lot of couples never marry.

"but seeing that we were not going to get back together, I decided to go strict no contact."

Honestly if you know there is no getting back together a complete cutting of ties is the best thing to do, at least until you're both pretty well over it. It really stinks while you're going through it though.

No telling if he will ever reach out again. Don't wait around for that to happen. These things occur on a case-by-case basis that no one can predict.

How old are you? Can you be with him without those things? You might be able to go back to him if you can accept not having those things. A lot of couples never marry.

I just turned 30 this year. I definitely want marriage and kids

He may come back but there is no point in that if he won't come back under the terms that you need to maintain the relationship. There is no sense hoping if he's not willing to marry you and have children with you if that is what you want and he doesn't.

 

You did the right thing breaking up with him when you have different end dating goals. The only thing you did wrong was hope that breaking up with him would make him give you what you wanted. Its been 8 weeks of NC now and you're still hoping instead of accepting it's over so you can heal and find a guy that will want what you want.

I didn’t think the break up would have made him realize anything. I’m just confused and sad that we went from being the most important person in each other’s lives to strangers. He hasn’t even shown me that he at least still cares.

He's actually doing you a favor, even if you can't see it now.

Contacting you would give you the false hope that he's changed his mind and does want marriage and children with you. He knows this and cares enough about your feelings that he's not willing to string you along with false hope.

This seems to me like a decent guy. Trust me, many people would take advantage of their ex's feelings for them to get some sex or to get attention when they want it. He's not doing this.

You're certainly young enough to meet someone who does want marriage and kids, not someone who you need to attempt to convince to want those things.

Then the best thing is no contact or you would keep hurting each other. He might know that as well. As far as partying. Guys deal with breakups in their own way. Many do these things as a way of coping. They have to convince themselves and everyone else they are just fine even though they are hurt or even missing you. Don't read to much into it. People hurt differently.

He's actually doing you a favor, even if you can't see it now.

 

Contacting you would give you the false hope that he's changed his mind and does want marriage and children with you. He knows this and cares enough about your feelings that he's not willing to string you along with false hope.

 

This seems to me like a decent guy. Trust me, many people would take advantage of their ex's feelings for them to get some sex or to get attention when they want it. He's not doing this.

 

You're certainly young enough to meet someone who does want marriage and kids, not someone who you need to attempt to convince to want those things.

You’re right. He’s a very decent guy. I just need to stop being emotional about this. I guess at the end, whether we end up back or not, I want to know that the 4 years meant something to him. It’s hard going from seeing each other everyday and sharing everything with each other to nothing.

I didn’t think the break up would have made him realize anything. I’m just confused and sad that we went from being the most important person in each other’s lives to strangers. He hasn’t even shown me that he at least still cares.

You decided to go strict nc. Did you tell him that? Maybe he's honoring your wishes? Staying in touch after a breakup is even more painful than cutting contact IMO, especially when you know there's no going back. I have experienced both. His silence does not mean he doesn't care.

You’re right. He’s a very decent guy. I just need to stop being emotional about this. I guess at the end, whether we end up back or not, I want to know that the 4 years meant something to him. It’s hard going from seeing each other everyday and sharing everything with each other to nothing.

The fact that he cares enough about your feelings to not take advantage or string you along for his own wants shows you do mean something to him.

I'm sure you wouldn't prefer that he use you for sex or for when he's bored or feeling lonely.

And yes, it's hard. But it would be much harder to remain in contact knowing that you two are not going to be together, having your hope come crashing down every time you speak and he doesn't ask for you back.

You decided to go strict nc. Did you tell him that? Maybe he's honoring your wishes? Staying in touch after a breakup is even more painful than cutting contact IMO, especially when you know there's no going back. I have experienced both. His silence does not mean he doesn't care.

I told him that I can’t do this anymore - keep talking to him. It came from a very heated discussion where I hung up.

I told him that I can do this anymore - keep talking to him. It came from a very heated discussion where I hung up.

Then it sounds like he's doing what you wanted him to do not necessarily what he wanted to do. He's honoring your wishes by not contacting you. It's not that he doesn't care. He cares enough to do what you wanted him to do. Don't feel bad. He probably does care.

Then it sounds like he's doing what you wanted him to do not necessarily what he wanted to do. He's honoring your wishes by not contacting you. It's not that he doesn't care. He cares enough to do what you wanted him to do. Don't feel bad. He probably does care.

Thank you ❤️

The fact that he cares enough about your feelings to not take advantage or string you along for his own wants shows you do mean something to him.

 

I'm sure you wouldn't prefer that he use you for sex or for when he's bored or feeling lonely.

 

And yes, it's hard. But it would be much harder to remain in contact knowing that you two are not going to be together, having your hope come crashing down every time you speak and he doesn't ask for you back.

Thank you ❤️

I hope you feel better soon...

My ex did similar - party, party, party. We spoke everyday in some form for almost 4 years and then he cold turkey dropped off after the breakup. I just knew he did not care/was not thinking about me. I asked myself the same questions you are right now. I never heard from him again but periodically would hear through the grapevine that he did think of me and did miss me. Even as late as about 6 months ago he spoke very fondly of me, unprovoked, to someone he found out I worked with (breakup was 4+ years ago). The breakup was a little ugly, but in his heart I knew he was still a good guy.

 

The point of all that is, although you may not understand his reaction to the breakup your ex has not forgotten about you and your time together did mean something to him.

Thank you. It’s so crazy how you become complete strangers after breaking up. My exes (before this current ex) and I kept in light contact and stayed acquaintances but that’s probably because I was the one who left them and no longer had feelings.

With my current ex, I know there are still feelings there but perhaps he’s being very logical about it and have decided that this was for the best. I miss him so much

I didn’t think the break up would have made him realize anything. I’m just confused and sad that we went from being the most important person in each other’s lives to strangers. He hasn’t even shown me that he at least still cares.

Well, when you break up its because you both feel that doing that is what needs to be done (if its a mutual decision) so please don't be confused. You want something that he doesn't feel he can give you so going zero contact is the most loving way to help someone get over the ending of the relationship. I'm thinking he realizes that remaining in contact with you would give you hope and stagnate you from being able to move on.

He's probably hurting too but he's doing the right thing by being silent.

I hope you feel better soon, luv.

I wonder if he will ever realize that what we had was good? I just can’t believe he would stop loving me that quickly.

I wonder if he will ever realize that what we had was good? I just can’t believe he would stop loving me that quickly.

I'm sure he does realize that you had a good run of it but when your end goals aren't coinciding then that's a deal breaker. I doubt he has stopped loving you 'that quickly.' He just knows that he doesn't want the same thing you do so it would be unkind/cruel of him to stay with you and keep you from meeting someone who will give you marriage and children.

I'm sure he does realize that you had a good run of it but when your end goals aren't coinciding then that's a deal breaker. I doubt he has stopped loving you 'that quickly.' He just knows that he doesn't want the same thing you do so it would be unkind/cruel of him to stay with you and keep you from meeting someone who will give you marriage and children.

You’re so logical. Thank you. It’s helping me put things in perspective and forcing me to get out of my own head. This is especially hard because he is the one I want to spend my life with.

his week marks week 8 of no contact and I haven't heard from him at all during this time.

It sounds like you wanted to break up with them...and then wanted to test him to see if he'd beg to have you back to prove he "really cared about you". He cared about you - its just that he isn't a good prospect for your future husband because he doesn't want what you want. You are free to meet a man who DOES want what you want now. There is no point of "being in his life" or he in yours. He will be able to meet the right woman for him and you will be able to meet the right man for you. its not as if he never loved you -- he has good boundaries and it was time to move on.

How can you want to spend your life with someone who doesn't want the same things in life?

his week marks week 8 of no contact and I haven't heard from him at all during this time.

 

It sounds like you wanted to break up with them...and then wanted to test him to see if he'd beg to have you back to prove he "really cared about you". He cared about you - its just that he isn't a good prospect for your future husband because he doesn't want what you want. You are free to meet a man who DOES want what you want now. There is no point of "being in his life" or he in yours. He will be able to meet the right woman for him and you will be able to meet the right man for you. its not as if he never loved you -- he has good boundaries and it was time to move on.

 

How can you want to spend your life with someone who doesn't want the same things in life?

No, I didn’t want him to come crawling back. And I didn’t use NC as a tactic. But I was surprised that I didn’t hear from him at all, after 4 years of being together.