Friend feels threatened by me

Hi guys,

I would like to have your opinion about a matter. I discovered recently that one of my best friends (woman) felt threatened by my way of dressing in her husbands presence.

It gave her a certain feeling which she could not explain. She just felt this way. She she sad there was no jealousy or insecurity involved. In a text message she made it indirectly clear to me that she didnt want it to become a 3some friendship.

When I confronted her with the meaning of this message the above discovery came out. Now she asks of me to be considerate in dressing myself in her husbands presence.

I really dont know what to think about this. Her husband is like a brother to me. And me dressing is not challenging at all. Sometimes my tops show some cleavage. But thats me. I dont think that there is anything wrong with that.

I feel like she doesnt accept me the way I am. And that she considers me as a rival.

What do you guys think about this, would you stay in this friendship?

No I wouldn't stay in it ....... I spent years been controlled by one idiot after another and I certainly wouldn't be letting a friend take a shot as well .

This is her insecurity not yours and she is asking you to enable her insecurities and worries by doing what you are told , by dressing how she thinks is right .

I mean, it doesn't sound like it's just about how you dress but that you are crossing boundaries for her as far as what is comfortable with a friend being involved with her husband. She's asking you to back off.

Whether or not you are willing to do that, and find it reasonable, is your call.

A 3some friendship- sounds like you hang around them a lot?

She she sad there was no jealousy or insecurity involved.

Bullocks. She's jealous and very insecure.

Find other people to hang out with

I mean, it doesn't sound like it's just about how you dress but that you are crossing boundaries for her as far as what is comfortable with a friend being involved with her husband. She's asking you to back off.

 

Whether or not you are willing to do that, and find it reasonable, is your call.

 

A 3some friendship- sounds like you hang around them a lot?

No not a lot recently. Eventhough her husband apparently does ask her to invite me, which she has refused a couple of times.

No not a lot recently. Eventhough her husband apparently does ask her to invite me, which she has refused a couple of times.

This just confirms to me that their marriage is filled with jealousy and insecurities ...their business ...leave them to it mary

^^^^ maryam ignore ...just a troll preying on vulnerable people

No not a lot recently. Eventhough her husband apparently does ask her to invite me, which she has refused a couple of times.

But before were you ? You mentioned you see him like a brother, which implies a close relationship. Were you friends with him or her first?

I'm not saying I agree with how she is handling this. I'm not so quick to write her off as being simply out of it though. I think it's worth looking at it objectively if you have maybe crossed some lines as far as how close you have gotten with her husband. Take some space and re evaluate .

But before were you ? You mentioned you see him like a brother, which implies a close relationship. Were you friends with him or her first?

I'm not saying I agree with how she is handling this. I'm not so quick to write her off as being simply out of it though. I think it's worth looking at it objectively if you have maybe crossed some lines as far as how close you have gotten with her husband. Take some space and re evaluate .

With seeing him like a brother i mean, i dont see him as an option to me to look at him on an intimate way.

Its like you dont fall in love with your brother right? thats what i was trying to say. But I never talk to him without her being around. We dont call, we dont text etc. So I never crossed any boundry. Just what I mentioned in my first post about wearing a top that showed my upper part of the region between my neck and breasts. That slight bit of curve that you see where your breasts start

The thing is after she told me this I started walking on my toes. I noticed that I couldnt act normally because of what she might think about me interacting with her husband. My perspective on her changed. As if we are rivals now.

^^^^ maryam ignore ...just a troll preying on vulnerable people

Yes thank you I noticed.

It's complicated.

Of course that's an issue she should confront to herself.

Did you ever notice her husband looking at you in a not only friendly way? You know for sure when someone looks at you like that.

Who's more important to you? Your girlfriend or her man?

But anyway, what's she gonna do? Cover every girl who shows a bit to much? Or does she feel that it's just you who he looks at, not other girls? If thats the case, you really need to deside who's more important to you. You're friend will choose her man, but that's because she's in love with him. That's all.

She is very insecure and jealous, otherwise it wouldn't matter how you dress!

I once had a friend jealous of my looks when I was thin. Once I started putting on weight she was overjoyed. I say avoid people like this, like the plague!

You be you! If it's not good enough then forget those idiots.

It's complicated.

Of course that's an issue she should confront to herself.

Did you ever notice her husband looking at you in a not only friendly way? You know for sure when someone looks at you like that.

Who's more important to you? Your girlfriend or her man?

But anyway, what's she gonna do? Cover every girl who shows a bit to much? Or does she feel that it's just you who he looks at, not other girls? If thats the case, you really need to deside who's more important to you. You're friend will choose her man, but that's because she's in love with him. That's all.

I never saw him look at me in a not only friendly way. He is not important to me at all!!! The question is for me at this point. Is this a healthy friendship with her? Do thinks she has a point in telling me to wear differently because of her husband?

She is very insecure and jealous, otherwise it wouldn't matter how you dress!

 

I once had a friend jealous of my looks when I was thin. Once I started putting on weight she was overjoyed. I say avoid people like this, like the plague!

 

You be you! If it's not good enough then forget those idiots.

How did you notice her jealousy?

OP, try to be a good friend and read between the lines here. Your friend's marriage is likely in more trouble than she is willing to admit to and her husband has a wondering eye. It has wondered onto you too. Your friend likely doesn't know what to do and how to go about righting her ship, so she is doing what she thinks she can. This isn't about you OP or how you dress at all. In your shoes, I'd take my friend to lunch and try to find out what is actually going on with her life.

Its not your job to make her feel secure.

OP, try to be a good friend and read between the lines here. Your friend's marriage is likely in more trouble than she is willing to admit to and her husband has a wondering eye. It has wondered onto you too. Your friend likely doesn't know what to do and how to go about righting her ship, so she is doing what she thinks she can. This isn't about you OP or how you dress at all. In your shoes, I'd take my friend to lunch and try to find out what is actually going on with her life.

The thing is she is way too proud to ever admit trouble in paradise. She tells me she trusts me and her husband both but just has this feeling of me invading het territory.

The thing is she is way too proud to ever admit trouble in paradise. She tells me she trusts me and her husband both but just has this feeling of me invading het territory.

I think it a beautiful qaulity of dancing fools to even suggest it .....

However for me mary I am on your page I think ...unless it was a best friend , known years type of thing and I would say ..oi , what the hell is it all about .

The husband may have stupidly said something about how you looked one day, and it festered into her head. Hey, I wear a lot of sheer things and at times no bra, and I know for a fact, I'm insulting people, but I don't care, and nor do they, but everyone knows I would never steal or even like something that my friend may have dated or liked. Ask her directly if he said something, and let her know that you have zero interest in her hubby, and you would never cross that line.

The thing is she is way too proud to ever admit trouble in paradise. She tells me she trusts me and her husband both but just has this feeling of me invading het territory.

lol....so there definitely is trouble in paradise. If she won't own up to it, I guess I'd just politely fade away from this friendship or keep it strictly to ladies night out or lunch where hubby won't be around, which will naturally fade your friendship anyway. Maybe she'll eventually come out with it and maybe not. Either way, rest assured this isn't about you or your choice of dress. For as long as she is too proud to speak out and ask for help from her friends and chooses to turn on them instead, not much you can do but to fade into the sunset.