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Thread: How to get my bf into dom/sub kink?

  1. #1
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    How to get my bf into dom/sub kink?

    Hey guys, so basically, I'm really turned on by being submissive and "owned" by my boyfriend but I'm not sure how to explain it to him.

    I first realized this when I'd get VERY turned on by him saying possessive things. For example, one day he told me "don't wear that dress, it's too short. I want to be the only one that sees this much of your leg" For some reason I got very wet (tmi) by being ordered around and told what I can and can't wear. I like rules, I like pleasing him and feeling controlled. I know this goes against normal feminism and healthy relationship advice but it gets me going. Especially being spanked too. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked haha...

    Ideally, I'd like him to give me rules (for example, he controls when and if I can touch myself/what panties I wear that day) and I'd like him to behave very dominantly, especially in bed. However, I don't want it to be an act. I want him to be into it as much as I am and not use some script just to turn me on. I'm not into degrading, humiliation or pain. I just want to be overpowered and owned if that makes sense.

    Anyway, how can I bring this up with him in a way that he'd be open to? Thanks.
    Last edited by regretgirl; 11-10-2017 at 10:14 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I think as time goes on you will see that his demanding and controlling nature comes naturally to him. Any one who tells you what not to wear has it all figured out O.O

  3. #3
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    Tell him. With this kink stuff, which I totally understand, I find it best (after a while) to say what you're into. Give feedback "I really like that," "I really would like if you tried this in this way," or if you're comfortable, show him a video of what you're into.

    Sounds like you're into the power dynamic during sex but also outside of it - if you want it to be a dom/sub relationship even outside of sex acts then make sure you set rules for both parties (obviously more for the sub, but also safe words, when to break the dynamic, etc.). I don't think you should go right into it. It can be exhausting for the sub to start from nothing and go all in. Try a couple days at first, then a break, then a week, etc. Build up to it or you might burn out.

  4. #4
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    OP, I can relate, especially sexually.

    My ex used to "own" me in bed, and yeah got me crazy. Hot and crazy.

    I'm actually looking to find that again, it takes a very special chemistry to have that sort of dynamic.

    When he told you not to wear that dress, it was too short etc, and you got so "wet" did he know how turned on you got by that?

    Did you show him or tell him? How did you respond?

    In bed, at your hottest moment, tell him softly, seductively and passionately you want him to OWN you.

    Tell him to say it! Again during the peak of passion, he WILL say it if he's feeling it.

    Why don't you have a conversation about it?

    That the Dom/sub dynamic turns you on?

    Based on his comment about the dress, sounds like he has it in him but perhaps not sure how you feel.

    Show him, tell him!

    Respond positively and passionately when he says and does stuff that turns you on.

    Even outside the bedroom. I'm a dead giveaway when turned on, I blush and suddenly all over him! He knows.

    Good luck and enjoy!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    That isn't being a sub. That is just wanting a man that can take charge in the sack. Being a sub is a whole different dynamic. Op do you just want a man that can take charge or do you want to be his sub? Do you understand the psychological aspects of a dom/sub relationship?

  7. #6
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    I am not the OP, but since she's not responding, I will chime in.

    I like a man to be dominant in bed, a sort of Dom/sub dynamic, outside the bedroom is a bit more complicated.

    I do like him to know what he likes, what he wants and have the confidence and strength to tell me.

    Not demand it, but I dunno if the chemistry is right, I might acquiesce. I also may not, depends on what he was asking.

    But I definitely speak my mind and want him to respect and consider my opinions and desires, I don't know what one would classify that as.

    I used to think it was a dom/sub dynamic but perhaps not the true definition, if one wished to get technical about it.

    I do think the term is very broad.

  8. #7
    I am in a domestic discipline marriage. Look it up. I didn’t want it to be role play, or “fake”, or just “kinky bedroom play” stuff. We live it 24/7 and I couldn’t be happier this way. And no, we aren’t into BDSM.. it’s not kink for me. I am just totally into the sub/dom marriage style

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by ALittleCurious
    I am in a domestic discipline marriage. Look it up. I didn’t want it to be role play, or “fake”, or just “kinky bedroom play” stuff. We live it 24/7 and I couldn’t be happier this way. And no, we aren’t into BDSM.. it’s not kink for me. I am just totally into the sub/dom marriage style
    To clarify, I'm not into "kink" or "fake" either. Not sure how you surmised that those who prefer this lifestyle are (except for you).

    When I say I like a man to be dominant in bed, no it's not an act or "role play," it's real, he IS dominsnt in bed, it's his true genuine nature.

    Problem is, when men are "that" dominant in bed, it typically carries over to outside the bedroom, since it's his genuine nature.

    It takes lots of communicating and understanding to be able to navigate our respective natures and desires so as to have a happy, mutually-loving and respectful relationship.


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