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Thread: My partner’s over “self-pleasure” is ruining our sex life

  1. #11
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    Katrina - True, you’re right. He wouldn’t admit it even if he did have the addiction. But also he is a grown man and me asking him to lessen it or recommend that he get help wouldn’t help, either. Especially since he is in denial of it. And I have read before about desensitization and men who get to used to watching porn.
    He is very affectionate, we cuddle all night, he kisses me everyday, have long hugs multiple
    Times a day, and he always says sweet nothings to me. I know that he loves me and cares for me. And I highly doubt it’s an attraction issue, I’m confident that I’m an attractive woman and he always comments that he’s lucky to have landed someone who he thinks is out of his league. (But I always assure him that he’s just as good looking.) We’ve always been affectionate toward each other, the only thing that has changed lately is our sex life.

  2. #12
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    So I guess it’s just a matter of him fixing his obsession, understanding where I am coming from and hopefully making an effort to change his habits.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Kathryndouglas
    Katrina - True, you’re right. He wouldn’t admit it even if he did have the addiction. But also he is a grown man and me asking him to lessen it or recommend that he get help wouldn’t help, either. Especially since he is in denial of it. And I have read before about desensitization and men who get to used to watching porn.
    He is very affectionate, we cuddle all night, he kisses me everyday, have long hugs multiple
    Times a day, and he always says sweet nothings to me. I know that he loves me and cares for me. And I highly doubt it’s an attraction issue, I’m confident that I’m an attractive woman and he always comments that he’s lucky to have landed someone who he thinks is out of his league. (But I always assure him that he’s just as good looking.) We’ve always been affectionate toward each other, the only thing that has changed lately is our sex life.
    Yeah I deleted the attraction issue in my post, cause honestly, in your situation, I don't think that is the issue.

    I think it's more the desensitization you mentioned.

    You love this guy. You know he loves you, talk to him.

    Not in an accusatory way, but tell him you are aware, you are not hurt, you understand, and encourage him to explore what's happening within himself for the good of your relationship.

    It won't be an easy conversation, you can count on that.

    But seriously, how long can you go on not having sex? Having him jerking off prior to? This is crazy.

    It will eventually destroy your relationship; you need to make him aware of this possibility, without judgment, accusations, or ultimatums.

    That is what I would do.

    I left my ex due to a severe drug addiction. I tried to work through it with him, was understanding the whole nine, but he reneged on his promise to seek help, so I left.

    After I left, he finally sought help, then wanted me back when done, but it was too late.

    Addictions destroy relationships.

  4. #14
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    OK, I think we've established he has a problem. When he blames you for not getting hard, it's just an excuse. Don't believe it. He's covering for his own embarrassment. 5 times a day is too much. He's definitely oversexed and probably has a sex addiction.

    Why don't you try to set up an appointment schedule so he can plan is masturbation accordingly. I know it's not a solution, but it's a workaround. Let's say the two of you schedule to have sex at 8 pm on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Then there's no need for excuses or pushing you away. If one of you is tired and can't make the appointment, cancel in advance and reschedule. Sex doesn't always have to be spontaneous and knowing it's going to happen can build anticipation during the day. Give it a try.

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  6. #15
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    Sex addiction can probably stem from emotional issues. How was he with masturbation before you were in a relationship? I think you're at the point where you start seeing the person more clearly and how they "really are".

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