Trying really hard to understand this guys intention ( Yes an ex).

I was involved with him for almost a year, which ended last December.

Within a month, he had met up with another gal. So our communication eased off big time, as I was hurting.

Throughout the last year and a half though, we would talk on occasion until I would fall distant again, realizing I still had feeling so, couldnt deal with it.

This year.. back in June, we had started talking again and it seemed like he was a little frustrated over her re: money issue's. That he had lent her money (help with moving- rent) and she asked for more $$ a few months later, for her daughter... this was all affecting him in a negative, I guess.

As he was spilling his frustrations on to me ( an ex). I didn't understand why he was doing this??

Anyways, I had backed off again, since they were still involved.... until the end of August, where we again began talking.

This time, out of nowhere, he invited me to go with him on a 'road trip'. Just a short one, out of town for a few hours. Again, asking me to go a couple weeks later.

Within the month, I noticed he was starting to warm up to me again and would invite me over to watch movies or go for coffee with him. ( at this point- within a few weeks time- I realized he was not longer going to see her..)

Now.. I am wondering, as our communication has been regular and ongoing, since end of August, because I feel he may have some interest in ME again.. but, yet I am still confused if he really is... or not?

This is why I am here.

For any MEN on here, is this how you act if you are interested in your ex again? Invite her over or want to maintain contact regularly?

There has been NO physical activity up to now- which has now been about 2 months. Except for him doing a friendly poke in the ribs and offering to warm my feet as we watch a couple movies, when he is not working.

But so far, so good with constant communication, friendliness, etc.

So.. I am rather confused. Is he maybe interested in me? But, just taking it all slowly, as he weans off his experience with her ( over the past year+)?

I do hope he has not been using me- to get over her

Do you think I have been 'friendzoned'? Or that he might just be wanting to take everything slowly for now.

Anyone have that experience re: being friendzoned?

I was thinking... IF just a friend, he does seem to want to talk to me often. And do you invite someone you see as 'just a friend' over often when you are not working, to watch movies and warm their feet?

Shoudn't someone who is just a 'friend' keep respectable distance and no expectations re; communication be there?

Confused, I am... *sigh* But, my feelings for this guy have never truly left me, for some reason.

And I do NOT want to push it if he isn't interested in me that way... so I am being respectable re: boundaries and just going with the flow.

Thnx

Is he still with his girlfriend?

Contacting you to support him through issues with his current relationship is really cr*ppy behavior. It's basically emotionally cheating on her and it's stringing you along.

Why did your relationship with him end in the first place? What has changed that you think it would go better if you did it again? What makes you think he wouldn't treat you the exact same way he is treating his current partner?

No, he has not been around her since Oct 1st... and he has started to invite me out to tag along, within a week or so before I was aware they were done.

Things had come to an end with us last December for what seems like different reasons. I felt he was distancing from me so I backed off, totally, saying I wanted someone in my life full time, not p/t.

When we discussed this, back before he started asking me to tag along, he admitted it was his fault... saying things like, he should have stayed with me.. that I never asked for much, etc. ( when we were talking back in June).

Yes, I think i agree with that emotionally cheating, as he's talking with me( his ex from before her), while things were getting difficult between them.

So, I am now confused as to what is going on now..? If he is interested in me again and wanting to take it all slowly? or.. am I being used as he works to get over her? Not sure.. but I dont want to continue this if you think he's using me in any way.

No, he has not been around her since Oct 1st... and he has started to invite me out to tag along, within a week or so before I was aware they were done.

 

Things had come to an end with us last December for what seems like different reasons. I felt he was distancing from me so I backed off, totally, saying I wanted someone in my life full time, not p/t.

When we discussed this, back before he started asking me to tag along, he admitted it was his fault... saying things like, he should have stayed with me.. that I never asked for much, etc. ( when we were talking back in June).

 

Yes, I think i agree with that emotionally cheating, as he's talking with me( his ex from before her), while things were getting difficult between them.

 

So, I am now confused as to what is going on now..? If he is interested in me again and wanting to take it all slowly? or.. am I being used as he works to get over her? Not sure.. but I dont want to continue this if you think he's using me in any way.

It doesn't appear as if he is using you, it sounds more like he was missing you.

That doesn't mean you will get back together though.

If you can handle being friends, there's no harm in it.

It's you who seems apprehensive though, and questioning his motives means you are not trusting him.

How can you be friends or otherwise without trust?

I wouldn't approach the subject of being together, just wait it out.

It's him initiating contact and inviting you along. These are good signs.

Men chase what they want. He wants you. It's just finding out if he's lonely, bored, or truly missed you.

I have no idea if he's "using" you.

What is clear is he's bad at relationships. Bad with boundaires. Doesn't know what he wants. And is telling you he should have stayed with you because "you don't ask for much" is saying "I want a relationship that I don't have to put energy into".

I wouldn't sign up for more of that.

I have no idea if he's "using" you.

 

What is clear is he's bad at relationships. Bad with boundaires. Doesn't know what he wants. And is telling you he should have stayed with you because "you don't ask for much" is saying "I want a relationship that I don't have to put energy into".

 

I wouldn't sign up for more of that.

true.. you may be right, there re: boundaries, etc.

what threw me off was the amount of time he's put forth with me over the last cpl months... having me over when he's not working. Tv, movies.. last night got me a coffee when he was out.

I so, do NOT want to be used here and for him to use me to get over her.. I sure hope not! I am sure he knows I do like him.. and it is me he's been having over.

I will just let it go as it is for now, I guess. But also don't want to be sitting with any expectations... ugh is just frustrating. I have never been in this spot before.

It doesn't appear as if he is using you, it sounds more like he was missing you.

That doesn't mean you will get back together though.

If you can handle being friends, there's no harm in it.

It's you who seems apprehensive though, and questioning his motives means you are not trusting him.

How can you be friends or otherwise without trust?

 

I wouldn't approach the subject of being together, just wait it out.

It's him initiating contact and inviting you along. These are good signs.

Men chase what they want. He wants you. It's just finding out if he's lonely, bored, or truly missed you.

Yes, maybe. Strange thing is... is back in April/May he messaged me one time (on frkn dating site) that he 'really misses me'... but I ignored.

But I will not chase or beg. I will give it a little more time. maybe couple more weeks to see IF this continues?

Not sure how long it would go on.. if he's using me.. to get over her sorta thing?

I agree re: just friends thing. Not sure, if he were to turn his interest onto another woman, I dont think so.

Yes, is him intiating things, which is a good thing, as they should ( If interested).

Yes, maybe. Strange thing is... is back in April/May he messaged me one time (on frkn dating site) that he 'really misses me'... but I ignored.

 

But I will not chase or beg. I will give it a little more time. maybe couple more weeks to see IF this continues?

Not sure how long it would go on.. if he's using me.. to get over her sorta thing?

 

I agree re: just friends thing. Not sure, if he were to turn his interest onto another woman, I dont think so.

 

Yes, is him intiating things, which is a good thing, as they should ( If interested).

Ooh, on a dating site? So he was already looking to move on before he even ended it with the ex.

This changes everything. Is he still on the site?

Please proceed cautiously, which I know you are doing.

I see why there's doubt in your mind. There would be in mine also.

Yah, he is local.. we met on the dating site cpl years ago.. and it seems like he's always on it.. no matter what.. strange, ya think? lol.

Soooo....I do know though, that he's told me, when he is in a relationship he will not mess around. That is not him and I believe it. When with her, he was not going to mess around on her.... so I wonder if the guy might just be bored or lonely when alone so, occasionally goes onto it to talk to others? But.. yah.. why the dating site?

he has been on there as long as I have.. over 5 yrs I think. So... maybe he's just so used to it now?

Hmm...

Isn't this baffling ****? Like.. what is it bud? Are you favouring me? Or not..?

Do I continue to go over to watch movies and do road trips.. or do I start to distance myself with NO expectations?

Ugh.. don't like to have to do this... again Why do we have to have Feelings???

what threw me off was the amount of time he's put forth with me over the last cpl months... having me over when he's not working. Tv, movies.. last night got me a coffee when he was out.

Sounds like he was distancing himself fro her the way that he was distancing himself from you--maybe he was hanging out with another chick while you were together!

I wouldn't get involved with him again, if I were you. Like rosephase said, he's bad at relationships.