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I've screwed up big time. (insulting a girl and her knowing im inexperienced)


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I'm in college. I've really ed up. I met a girl at a bar. She's for sure more on the promiscuous side. We've gone out to dinner. We went back to her place to smoke. I didn't really make a move until i was about to leave. She initially hesitated the kiss. The next day i was drunk and stupid, so i looked to RedPill for advice (i don't follow them). One guy said to tell her to come to the bar and say "you're not the greatest kisser, but i can give you another chance". She then responded with "lmao not taking care of a person who drank too much sorry". I then up even more and say "i'm sober" and "you're the 2nd girl i've ever kissed".

 

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Then the next morning I say that I was really drunk, I don't think that, I want to see her again, and that my friend thought it would be funny to say.

 

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I don't know if its the first message (saying she kisses bad) or if its me saying i'm inexperienced that ed me up. She's not responding. Would a girl who is really promiscuous be turned off by this? I think its game over. I can't fix this. We actually had good conversation, even though i'm a pretty awkward guy.

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That RedPill stuff is abusive garbage and head games.

 

Why on earth would you think insulting her would make her like you more? It sounds like you came off as a creep. An inexperienced creep. DOn't play head games. Don't try and trick someone you want a connection with and for f*ck sake don't use advice from RedPill... nothing remotely healthy comes from treating people like that.

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That RedPill stuff is abusive garbage and head games.

 

Why on earth would you think insulting her would make her like you more? It sounds like you came off as a creep. An inexperienced creep. DOn't play head games. Don't try and trick someone you want a connection with and for f*ck sake don't use advice from RedPill... nothing remotely healthy comes from treating people like that.

 

Yea, I would have normally never ever said that. I don't try to insult people. I was just stupid. Do you think she's finished with me? I didn't outright say i'm sorry, but i let her know that i was drunk and that's not what i actually think. Do you think maybe she'll come around after a few weeks? Or if i run into her again?

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I don't know if its the first message (saying she kisses bad) or if its me saying i'm inexperienced that ed me up. She's not responding. Would a girl who is really promiscuous be turned off by this? I think its game over. I can't fix this. We actually had good conversation, even though i'm a pretty awkward guy.

 

There's just so much wrong with the bold I don't even know what to say besides please for the love of all that is holy stay away from women. Thinking 'promiscuous' women will accept this? So you want to prey on the weak minded, the emotionally unstable? I don't know what redpill is but please don't do that to women or yourself.

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Because you had just met her, I think it's not fixable. But there are tons of people out there. Move on with this valuable lesson now learned.

 

Don't beat yourself up too much. Dating is a huge learning experience, and you are now more experienced than before.

 

I was hoping that she would maybe look at it more lightheartedly down the road. She's the first girl I've ever went on a date with. She was pretty easy to talk to and was interested. I'm just awkward so girls have not been into me. And I met her about 1 month ago. We've gone to the bar together once on a mini date I guess. I've been texting her only to set up dates. She's always been responsive. I don't know if that makes the situation different.

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Yea, I would have normally never ever said that. I don't try to insult people. I was just stupid. Do you think she's finished with me? I didn't outright say i'm sorry, but i let her know that i was drunk and that's not what i actually think. Do you think maybe she'll come around after a few weeks? Or if i run into her again?

 

Yeah she's finished with you. The best possible thing you can do is leave her alone.

 

Don't insult people. Don't play head games.

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There's just so much wrong with the bold I don't even know what to say besides please for the love of all that is holy stay away from women.

 

Why is this wrong to say? Some girls are more promiscuous than others. A girl who is more experienced probably would be turned off by an inexperienced guy. A girl who is less experienced wouldn't care as much. Girls want a guy who knows what they are doing in general.

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You've screwed up 3 ways.

 

1 - insulting a girl to get her to like you

2 - being awkward and blaming it on your inexperience

3 - MOST IMPORTANTLY - targeting a woman because you perceive her to be promiscuous.

 

She owes you NOTHING. Her sexuality is not indicative of how much wiggle room you have to screw up. She's allowed to sleep around, or not. She's also allowed to think you're misogynistic and rude.

 

Stop these games. Just talk to women you like.

 

She won't be back.

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You've screwed up 3 ways.

 

1 - insulting a girl to get her to like you

2 - being awkward and blaming it on your inexperience

3 - MOST IMPORTANTLY - targeting a woman because you perceive her to be promiscuous.

 

She owes you NOTHING. Her sexuality is not indicative of how much wiggle room you have to screw up. She's allowed to sleep around, or not. She's also allowed to think you're misogynistic and rude.

 

Stop these games. Just talk to women you like.

 

She won't be back.

 

 

I talked to her because she seemed interested in me. I didn't go after her bc i thought she was promiscuous. I found that out later.

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After your "neg" -- "you're not the greatest kisser but will give you another chance," did you follow that with a haha, LOL, Xd or a wink?

 

So she knew you were playing, bantering with her? The written word (text, email, FB, etc.) can be very ambiguous, and things often get misinterpreted. That's why emojis were created.

 

TBH, had I initially liked you, felt an attraction and "click," and you said that to me with a haha or wink after it, I would have taken it as a sort of joke and banter, and tossed one back to you.

 

Sorry, but I don't think this can be fixed because I don't think she was ever all that into you in the first place.

 

Re Redpill advice, not familiar but if it's some sort of PUA strategy, take with a pinch of salt.

 

That stuff does not "work" on all women and it takes a lot of experience to execute it properly so as to not turn a girl completely off.

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It doesn't really. I wouldn't count on her reaching back out.

 

You've already explained the situation to her - so now let it be. Anything you do or say to try to get her to go out with you again will make you look desperate. If she responds, great. If she doesn't, then move on.

 

This isn't the biggest screw up in the world. She isn't "the one." People often get hung up on their "firsts," but believe me, there will be more dates, more relationships, that you'll enjoy. You'll probably find someone better tbh.

 

In the meantime focus on yourself. Why are you awkward? For me, I started off not being able to hold a conversation or look anyone in the eye. I was so awkward. I had to figure out for myself how to be more conversational and personable. Here are some tips

 

1) Go into the conversation with a goal. What do you want from the conversation (to get to know someone better, to prove a point, to survive and get out as soon as possible, to ask someone on a date, etc.) When you have a purpose for the conversation, things are less awkward.

 

2) Ask people about themselves and their interest areas. People love talking about themselves but usually won't start talking unless asked. So ask them about themselves. When they answer a question, either ask them a follow-up question or relate it to your life. This is essentially mingling 101. Look up "mingling tips" if you want to be more conversational.

 

3) Active listening and eye contact. Actively listen to what someone is saying. Follow along in the conversation as if that person and what they are saying is 100% true. Save any interjections for when they stop speaking. Another important listening strategy is eye contact. Look at someone in the eye when they are speaking / you are speaking. Every three or so seconds do a slight look away so that they don't feel you are staring. If you want to be flirty, when you make eye contact, look down at their lips for a fraction of a second and then back up to their eyes.

 

4) Body language. Start the conversation with open body language (not crossing arms, etc). Start the conversation facing the person, but not head-on (like with a slight diagonal). After they've started talking, show your genuine interest by turning your body to facing them completely.

 

5) Practice! Put yourself out of your comfort zone. The more practice you have with these the easier talking to others / going on dates will feel.

 

Those are a few of the main things I've learned and have been doing for the last several years and now they're second nature. I've since been an elected (student) official and have been voted for several "Mr. Charisma"- like awards. Such a huge contrast from where I started. Hope this helps!

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Why is this wrong to say? Some girls are more promiscuous than others. A girl who is more experienced probably would be turned off by an inexperienced guy. A girl who is less experienced wouldn't care as much. Girls want a guy who knows what they are doing in general.

 

I promise you your sexual expierience is not what chased her away.

 

You admit you are already at a disadvantage because of your lack of dating expierience. Please do not prey on women. Don't try to 'pick on one of the little weak ones' by insulting her and preying on her emotional weaknesses. That is just so wrong. It may eventually work but you would not be entering a happy healthy relationship, you'd be entering a burning house and using it to your advantage because of your own weaknesses... yikes...

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I was hoping that she would maybe look at it more lightheartedly down the road. She's the first girl I've ever went on a date with. She was pretty easy to talk to and was interested. I'm just awkward so girls have not been into me. And I met her about 1 month ago. We've gone to the bar together once on a mini date I guess. I've been texting her only to set up dates. She's always been responsive. I don't know if that makes the situation different.

 

How would you feel if she had texted you saying you were a bad kisser? Would you want to spend time with someone who insults you? You burned down any chance you had with her. She WAS interested and then you acted like a jerk.

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I talked to her because she seemed interested in me. I didn't go after her bc i thought she was promiscuous. I found that out later.

 

You may have found out later but you seem to be convinced her 'promiscuity' was your in. As if her standards must have been low since she has a lot of sex and low enough to accept idiotic behavior. You're trying to manipulate your way through dating, it's not a good idea.

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I promise you your sexual expierience is not what chased her away.

 

You admit you are already at a disadvantage because of your lack of dating expierience. Please do not prey on women. Don't try to 'pick on one of the little weak ones' by insulting her and preying on her emotional weaknesses. That is just so wrong. It may eventually work but you would not be entering a happy healthy relationship, you'd be entering a burning house and using it to your advantage because of your own weaknesses... yikes...

 

Yea i don't normally do that type of stuff. Someone suggested it since she initially didn't kiss me (i think she was teasing? she ended up tongue kissing anyways), and bc she's the one that pulled away. It was still stupid to even say it. I NEVER do stuff like this, but i did it this time.

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How would you feel if she had texted you saying you were a bad kisser? Would you want to spend time with someone who insults you? You burned down any chance you had with her. She WAS interested and then you acted like a jerk.

 

I tried to amend it by saying that I was inexperienced. That way she'll know that i'm the bad kisser and not her. That's the a big reason why i said i was inexperienced. To make her feel better.

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Yea i don't normally do that type of stuff. Someone suggested it since she initially didn't kiss me (i think she was teasing? she ended up tongue kissing anyways), and bc she's the one that pulled away. It was still stupid to even say it. I NEVER do stuff like this, but i did it this time.

 

Well, lesson learned. Better late than never right? Work on yourself and your confidence and you'll be ok. I can't speak for all women but as a woman in my 30's yes I do appreciate expierience but it's not a deal breaker it's just a really really really big plus, and it certainly wasn't a deal breaker when I was young, most men in their late teens early 20s aren't all that expiereinced and it's not about quantity, it's quality, a dude can plow through 100 women and still not know how to use his equipment, been there trust me. Fake it till you make it.

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I tried to amend it by saying that I was inexperienced. That way she'll know that i'm the bad kisser and not her. That's the a big reason why i said i was inexperienced. To make her feel better.

 

Yeah... that doesn't fix you insulting her. It's not even a real apology (not that I think you should apologize now). You said a mean thing and then a series of awkward things.

 

You need to let this one go. Treat people with respect in the future.

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OP, stop beating yourself up over one stupid comment, that was intended as a joke, a tease, NOT to be taken seriously.

 

I mean seriously who in their right mind would actually say something like that and be serious about it?

 

Bantering can be fun, but next time follow with a wink or Xd. So she KNOWS you're just teasing her.

 

Teasing can be fun when executed properly.

 

Due to your inexperience, you executed this poorly, but nevertheless, if she had been into you from the get-go, you may have gotten a different result.

 

In my opinion, she wasn't "insulted" she knew it was a joke. She is just not interested and never was.

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You may have found out later but you seem to be convinced her 'promiscuity' was your in. As if her standards must have been low since she has a lot of sex and low enough to accept idiotic behavior. You're trying to manipulate your way through dating, it's not a good idea.

 

I never manipulated her besides this one event. I treated her like i treated any other girl besides this event. I mention her being promiscuous because i could be a turn off. I treated her like a normal person. I just was dumb and listened to someone's advice.

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Yeah... that doesn't fix you insulting her. It's not even a real apology (not that I think you should apologize now). You said a mean thing and then a series of awkward things.

 

You need to let this one go. Treat people with respect in the future.

 

I ended up just leaving it at "I'm sorry. All the best".

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