my ex and I still act like we're together

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 9 months and broke up last week because we "lost ourselves". We were both struggling with separate problems and couldn't help each other no matter how much love we had for one another. At first, we agreed to take a break from each other but two days later, he just wanted to end things.

Anyhow, I already accepted that there's an extremely low chance of us getting back together because we both need to do our own thing. I had a lot of closure and am working towards getting myself together, but it confuses me that we're still pretty intimate with each other even though we're "just friends".

We act the same as we did while we dated (hugged, held hands, kissed, texted all the time), but without the sex, "babe"s, and "I love you"s. For a few days after our breakup, we openly talked about how we felt, like how we still love each other and how it's tough, but we're glad we're trying to be friends.

I just don't know where I stand in his life. He's voiced to me a few times that we aren't together anymore, and that although he doesn't believe in getting back together with exes, he thinks there's a chance for us (but not right now). This whole situation is giving me hope for us but I understand why we weren't working out. What do I do? I don't want to cut him out of my life, but I'm just extremely confused.

You're also acting like you're together. So you can take action and choose to act differently.

This is EXACTLY what I’m going through except we only broke up because I hurt him really bad by betraying his trust. Now, 2 months after the break up, we are attempting a friendship. We still hold hands, kiss, we both still say I love you and HE still calls me babe and baby. We flirt here and there.

Honestly? I have no advice for you because I’m doing the same thing. We are both playing with fire and the chances of us getting scorched is higher than that of us actually getting them back.

Me and my ex have an unhealthy attachment to each other. Our relationship was very unhealthy and we also both lost ourselves and for the same reasons (other than me hurting him) we cannot get back together.

I wish you the best. What everyone has been saying to me is to go NC to heal. I’m planning on doing that soon... just not now. No contact and growth. Worst case scenario he’s stringing you along for back up, which my ex might or might not be doing as well. Best of luck.

Do you think what you are doing in this situation is working for you? If not, then you are going to have to be the one that changes it. You are confused because your X has access to you and for him thats a sweet deal. He gets to slowly emotionally detach from you while you sit there confused about why he is being so loving. He is holding your hand until the next girl comes around and if/when that one does, he is going to jump from one crutch to the other. You are enabling him to be secure and happy while you lose sleep. How very nice of you.

What I think you should do is let go of the relationship, and let him go for now. In order for him to miss you, he must see a life without you. You are just too available to him. I know its scary but by letting him go is the only way youll know what his intentions are. If he wants you back, he will move mountains to do it, if he doesnt then he will slowly fade from your life. Be the one to make the first move and let him go.

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 9 months and broke up last week because we "lost ourselves". We were both struggling with separate problems and couldn't help each other no matter how much love we had for one another. At first, we agreed to take a break from each other but two days later, he just wanted to end things.

 

Anyhow, I already accepted that there's an extremely low chance of us getting back together because we both need to do our own thing. I had a lot of closure and am working towards getting myself together, but it confuses me that we're still pretty intimate with each other even though we're "just friends".

 

We act the same as we did while we dated (hugged, held hands, kissed, texted all the time), but without the sex, "babe"s, and "I love you"s. For a few days after our breakup, we openly talked about how we felt, like how we still love each other and how it's tough, but we're glad we're trying to be friends.

 

I just don't know where I stand in his life. He's voiced to me a few times that we aren't together anymore, and that although he doesn't believe in getting back together with exes, he thinks there's a chance for us (but not right now). This whole situation is giving me hope for us but I understand why we weren't working out. What do I do? I don't want to cut him out of my life, but I'm just extremely confused.

By keeping in contact with him, you're allowing him to use you to help him get over you. You are softening any pain he may have over the breakup and making it easy for him which will make it quite simple for him to date others while being emotionally supported by you.

You owe yourself more then being his human band aid who has been demoted from friend and lover and significant other to "just friend."

This is a very difficult situation, one that I have experienced in the past. It's really hard to stay strong with a break-up when the reasons motivating the break up were ambiguous, and the situation is left open-ended with the possibility for a reunion in the future. My ex and I broke up in the same way and it was extremely confusing. This situation is not sustainable. Do you love him, think you two are a good match and see a future with him? If so, you should let him know and see where he stands. But in my experience "lost ourselves" is code for "there are problems with our relationship that we are afraid to address". Might there be real concrete reasons why the relationship was not working out? I would encourage you to thoughtfully ponder these questions. If you two have real problems that inhibit you from having a healthy relationship and personal lives I would advise you to seek a clean break and to cut off contact. It is really painful to deal with a break up, but I think the confusion can be more prolonged pain.

I had pretty much the exact same situation when my ex broke up with me. For about three weeks after, he would still come over a few times a week, we would talk every day, call each other our usual pet names, hug, kiss. The only thing we didn't do was have sex. The only thing that ended it was when he started seeing someone else. From that point on, I didn't cut him out of my life completely, but I did stop making any effort on my part to contact him. I decided I needed to give him his space to live his life and if he wanted me in it, he would include me. It wasn't easy. I checked his Facebook every day to see if he changed his relationship status. He lives two houses down from me, so I always got to see when his new girl was staying the night at his place, that sucked. He would send me a cute or funny picture or video that he'd find here and there but that was about the extent of our contact. We recently started talking again but he's moving out of state in a few weeks so honestly all it's really done is open the old wound. My advice would be to try to move on. I know it seems impossible, especially when you're trying to still be friends. But it's best to not try to hold on to false hope. Take it from someone who has had a lot of false hope recently.