Can’t stay hard for new girlfriend

I have met this wonderful girl who I am falling in love with, she makes me feel complete. The problem I have is I’ve been struggling to get an erection and when I do maintain it!.

I had considered I may have some kind of ED problem so I have resorted to taking viagra with limited success.

I know for sure I do not have any physiological problems down below as I have absolutely no problem getting an erection if I think about sex with my ex.

This is truly devastating for me because I feel completely screwed up in the head for feeling like this. My ex is a rather slim and petite brunette and my new partner is tall, blonde and of a healthy weight. I know this sounds terrible to say but I feel more sexually arroused when standing next to a girl who is a lot smaller than me. My ex was also submissive and lacked the confidence in bed, while my new partner has no problem taking control and playing boss.

As I said, above, I want this girl so much I find her physically attractive and beautiful. It’s just like my brain just refuses to release whatever hormone it should to make me rock hard. I was with my ex for 8 years so I was very much in a routine with my ex when it came to sex with her and now I feel like a little boy lol.

Has any guys out their had this issue before?, it’s like a I need to re-wire my brain on what turns me on. I really just don’t understand how I can be physically attracted to this girl but when it comes to bed everything just shuts down.

How long have you been broken up with your ex?

All of your answers are in there ...intimidation ...she is taller , she is sexually confident , you have had control and felt masculine for 8 years and now the wind has changed .

Your subconscious might be telling you you will disappoint her and your body is responding . You have lost your confidence and your hunter gatherer feeling .

So you're right , it is a case of re wiring your brain ...to remind yourself that you are still a healthy , happy , horny man who can give a girl a good time .

Maybe it's just a simple case that this new woman isn't really what you want.

It sounds like you're more attracted to a woman like your ex and maybe your body is telling you that this new woman is not the right one for you.

You shouldn't be having to force yourself to this degree or picture the ex to get a erection.

Maybe you do need to find someone shorter, etc.

Been split up for over 2 years but we often still slept together until quite recently.

I completely agree with you view and thank you so much for replying. The problem with that however is I am in love with this girl. We want so much of the same and this girl feels like she’s out of my league!

Been split up for over 2 years but we often still slept together until quite recently.

How recently?

3 months ?

3 months ?

Well it's quite clear to me.

You never fully got over your ex. You jumped in to this too soon. Assuming you met your girlfriend 3 months ago, there's barely a chance you're in love. Any more recently, no chance. You're deluding yourself in to thinking you're ready for another relationship.

By healthy weight do you mean fat? Be honest...

No she’s not fat, I’d say she’s a size 12. My ex used to be a size 6 but she is now an 8. I feel terrible for thinking like this it’s horrible. I can’t stress enough that I find her attractive physically. I just hope that I am just so nervous about pleasing her that it’s preventing me from enjoying myself.

When we have sex all I’m thinking about is making her orgasm and staying hard. It’s that negative cycle that’s eating away at me.

Perhaps it's just the nervousness of being with a new woman, and performance anxiety. Has it only been a couple times or has this been going on for awhile? I'll bet this corrects itself soon if you don't worry about it.

Your probably right and certainly hope that’s all it is.

No she’s not fat, I’d say she’s a size 12. My ex used to be a size 6 but she is now an 8. I feel terrible for thinking like this it’s horrible. I can’t stress enough that I find her attractive physically. I just hope that I am just so nervous about pleasing her that it’s preventing me from enjoying myself.

 

When we have sex all I’m thinking about is making her orgasm and staying hard. It’s that negative cycle that’s eating away at me.

Are you talking UK/AU sizes or US?

Because I'm a size 2 US and I would think a size 12 US is overweight.

Are you talking UK/AU sizes or US?

Because I'm a size 2 US and I would think a size 12 US is overweight.

And what's your point? Who cares what her number is, he's saying he finds her attractive.

Have a couple glasses of wine and some good foreplay! And if you can't stay hard, it's ok. Women are more about emotional

Intimacy anyways. Atleast I am. And cuddling and kissing is fun too! Love comes in all shapes and sizes and a size 12 is average which is good!! More to enjoy!

Perhaps see a therapist. They may want to rule out something physical, but I have a feeling it's just nerves. As a female, I experienced some sexual dysfunction due to anxiety and libido killing meds. Once I realized my BF was on my side and working with me, I started to calm down and take some of the stress off myself. Things started to smooth out. It's hard to relax with all this clutter in your brain. Still, you gotta try. Good luck.

How about you don't try to rewire what you know works for you, and instead listen to what your body wants.

I think the idea of therapy is abit extreme.. its pretty obvious to me from the comments youv made that your just nervous. you need to relax abit more. Your saying shes out of you league and you want to make sure shes 'finished' and youv pleased her. I had something the same when i first met my bf.. we spoke about it and i just told him to relax and stop thinking. Sometimes he still struggles and this can usually be put down to the usual, like having a stressful day or other things. but since he spoke to me its much better... stop worrying so much.

I had this exact problem, almost. Broke up with my ex, who I was not that attracted to (but could easily perform with) and then hooked up with a very very hot woman. Kind of my dream girl, physically speaking. And then I couldn't get hard. That was really, truly baffling.

I knew it was performance anxiety, wanting to please this new girl but being afraid I wouldn't be able to. It caused me too much stress. And there might have been some baggage with my ex thrown in there, too. My common sense and my girlfriend said the same thing: just relax, don't worry, don't stress, just enjoy. But it didn't help, I couldn't get out of my own head.

I saw a therapist, and she said something that cured me instantly. Kind of the same thing, but in a different way. She said, "Be selfish. Just forget about her and making her happy. You need this, so just do what feels good to you, and enjoy it." And I was able to stay hard the very next time I was with her, and after a few sessions, I was pretty much back to normal. And I didn't have to worry about being selfish, because I knew that later on (after I was "fixed") I'd be able to return to focusing on her, so my selfishness was good for both of us in the long run. You and this partner are serious, so she'll be just as supportive.

You have the opposite issue, being more attracted to your ex than your current partner. But you're attracted to your current partner, so there shouldn't be an issue and it's just in your head. I think you should try what I did.

Side note, I didn't tell my new partner my strategy of selfishness. You may want to, or you may want to keep it to yourself. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable I guess.