18 years together, 3 kids

I know in every relationship there are always two quilty for the problems that occur.

Ever since we started dating he always was angry/jealous that I had a number of guys before him. That was an issue he could never get over. But I was crazily in love with him and I allowed him to criticize me verbally and physically. I never did anything for him to doubt my love him. I worked two jobs and financed everything.

After 5 yrs, we got out 1st son. Things did not get beter between us. Even worse. When my son was 3 yrs, I decided to leave him because, he was still being abusive to me. At that time, he promised that he will nevet lay his hand on me again, and that he's in love with me. He kept his promise and never hit me again.

Things were getting better between us, although I was still the one taking care of everything, financially, at home, our son...

He wanted us to have another child, and I prayed to God, that if it isn't right, not to let me get pregnant. And I didn't, not for 4 yrs. After that, I longed for a daughter, and shortly after I got pregnant with her. When my baby was 3 mths old, we moved to a new appartment, got married and was quite satisfied with my life.

My husband for sure changed alot for the better. He helped with the kids, the way he knew how to, brought some income to the house, although probably spent more then he received. As he had problems wih gambling as well.

So the thing that always bothered me was his lack of respect for me, and judgement towards me for my mistakes done in my past instead of loving me for who I am and everything I've done for him and our family. And because of that, I could never give him the love and affection he wanted from me, cause I didn't get what I wanted from him.

Also during the years I caught him many times having improper conversations with girls or ex-girlfriends.

Our youngest son is 2 yrs old and came to us unexpectedly.

Around a year ago I was very unsatisfied with our relationship, not having the respect I wanted, the help I needed, his yelling at us.

In all these 18 years, he was killing my love for him. I most point out that he has many good sides and he can be a wonderful person, always willing to help people, who are in need, and he loves his kids and they love him. But of course, the bad things stick out to me more than the good things.

In distress and looking for comfort, I got involved with someone else. I never thought I was capable of doing something like that, cause I am against cheating. Me and this other person really get along and understand eachother. However he is already taken, and will never leave his family and kids.

Since then, I was not able to have sex with my husband. Even before this happened it was hard for me, now I suffer during sex

6mths ago I told my husband that I want us to divorce, cause I'm not happy anymore. He begged me not to, that he can't live without me. It was hard for me, so I stayed with him, but because we weren't have sex, he then said he doesn't want to stay with me just for the kids sake and that he has his needs (for sex and for love), which I understand.

I tried to be with him, to love him again, but I just couldn't turn my heart around. Of course I love him or better care for him, but I'm not in love with him anymore.

At the moment he says he's willing to do anything so that we stay together

So finally a mth ago he moved out, we're officialy on a break. But he always wants to know what I decided, so that we can move on with our lives.

He is heartbroken, lost his family, his wife, his home. I don't know what to do. I am afraid of being alone with 3 kids, bring without a life partner, afraid of ruining his life and not giving him one more chance, that he's begging for.

I'm also afraid of staying with someone, that I'm not in love with anymore, although I care alot for him.

Is it possible to renew my love for him or will I regret my decision, and one day realise that I threw my life away?

I want the best for everyone and especially for my kids.

Thank you!

There is a way you can renew your love for this guy, but to tell you the truth, it's not really possible if he still treats you with disrespect and abuse. I can't believe you let the guy hit you, and then after that, let him continue to emotionally abuse you. It shows how much punishment a person can take. But he's not worth it, and neither is the guy you're cheating with. You need to make clean breaks with both of them and truly try to find someone single who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. As for sex, there's lots of things you can do without actual intercourse and hopefully you an also find someone who will explore those other options with you. There's still time to find love and I hope you can find it.

Hello Anna, thank you for replying to my post, yes we are in a similar situation.

I think you need to think of yourself long term. I know at first it will be difficult and a challenge raising your children by yourself but it will get easier with time just as the feelings of guilt for your husband will lessen. But my gut instinct and what I feel myself about my own relationship is that you will destroy yourself and your own self worth if you stay with him and your kids will pick up on that and it will affect them too. My children are already copying my husband and the way he behaves towards me (belittling me) and try to boss me about and insult me. I tell them off and say Daddy shouldn't treat me that way but they see it everyday and it rubs off on them. I worry they will do the same in the future when they have relationships. Alot of the stuff he is saying to you is his way to control you and get you to stay by tugging on your heart strings and using your good nature against you. Just remember, he is the one that brought this on himself by treating you badly and he is to blame for the situation he will be in if you leave him. If he treated you better in the first place this would have not happened. You are the stronger person and use that strength for the new happier, free life you will have.

I would love to send out a friend request with you but don't know how to do it, being new to this forum. Maybe you know how to?

Any please keep in touch and hope I have helped in your decision.