Too many girl friends on fb

I have been chatting with an older gentlemen on eharmony for the last week. We are both in our early 60's. He has been married twice and I have only been married once. I have been divorced for 20 years. We have alot in common and after chatting for a few days, we decided to talk on the telephone. Our conversation was very pleasant and he was very engaging. We are pretty much looking for the same thing in a marriage partner, but I want to take things slow. He lives 5 hours away. He is a very successful businessman and travels alot. He asked me out for the next weekend. In the meantime, he also asked me if I was on social media. I told him that I was on FB. He added that you can find out alot about someone by their FB posts. I agreed and he allowed me to view his as well.

He sent me a friend request and I accepted.

I immediately noticed that he has over 1000 fb friends and that 95% of them are women. I viewed the profiles of at least a dozen of them and they are all single. Not only that, they are beautiful! They are not just average looking women. They live all over the country and some even live in his area.

My question, and this is bothering me, do you think this guy is a serial dater? Could he be a player?

My cousin who is on fb, has over 4000 friends and the majority are men. She loves men! She loves to date as many as she can!

So, I am wondering if this guy is someone who is out looking to just have fun?

I looked over some of my friends FB profiles, both men and women and there seems to be a good balance of 50/50.

I saw maybe 4 or 5 males and 2 or 3 couples and the rest were all women, on my friends FB page.

I am trying to figure out if I should ask him about this on our date or say nothing. If we go out again, should I bring it up, like, 'I see you have many friends on fb, do you know them all and why so many women?" Maybe or maybe not.

I would love to hear what you think, especially the guys, but gals, any thoughts you have will be appreciated!

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I know of many guys that are like this, females also.

It's more of an ego complex attention seeking trait, as opposed to being a serial dater.

You could casually mention it, like "wow! You have a lot of FB friends! Why is that?" However do not ask why

there are so many beautiful women.

Why do you want to meet up when he lives 5 hours away? What do you see coming from this?

I'm sure you can find someone closer. Seems you will already have trust issues, and the distance

won't help that.

I'd probably mention the reasons you enjoy FB, probably that you enjoy seeing photos of relatives, etc., and ask what he enjoys about it to see what he says. I'd probably have him make more of the effort at the beginning with visits, since it's expensive to travel that far. I'd ask what his recent dating history has been. Have they been local or LD? Make sure he's not one of those guys who like brief LDRs so that the woman doesn't see what's really going on with him locally. In the meantime, you're not exclusive. Why not try some meetups.com activities in your area, if any exist for singles in your age group? Local dating is always a far better option whenever available. Good luck and take care.

Yeah, I'd be just as concerned with the 5 hours distance as with all the female Facebook friends. I agree with SweetGirl28, that the large amount of female friends is ego-seeking.

My exBF always liked having a ton of female FB friends; in fact, the day we broke up, he re-friended a lot of the women he had unfriended while we were together, as it, too, made me feel uncomfortable.

You know what I learned? This is who he is, so you can ask him, you can cry about it, you can mention it....but at the end of the day, this guy likes having lots of females as "friends", for whatever reason. You will not change this.

I actually would not bring this up at all. A 5-hour distance takes some planning, and if he's willing to do that, or you can meet halfway, then just go and treat it like any other first meeting: casual, simple, easy.

I'd wait until he brings up Facebook, as he's the one who said that you can learn a lot about someone via their posts. I'd then just casually mention that you noticed he has a lot of beautiful female friends, and then.....don't say a word. Just see how he responds.

And unfortunately, yes, this man is giving me a playa vibe.

Not sure if you remember this about me, but I'm 55, so I'm in your age range. We thought they'd grow out of this stuff, right? Turns out, notsomuch.

He is from my area originally and travels here to see his college football team play (just home games), and he also has family, a mother and 2 daughter who live about an hour away from me. Distance is not an issue, if it is the right person, he said.

But, I like the question, " wow you have a lot of FB friends! Why is that"? Maybe asking if he knows them all.....

Yeah, I thought so too. I know he travels all over with his job and has taught at a major university. It just surprises me that given he has so much exposure to people in general, he seems to only to reach out to females. It will be interesting to see how the date goes next weekend!

But, I like the question, " wow you have a lot of FB friends! Why is that"? Maybe asking if he knows them all.....

Leave out the question part of it. And leave out the "wow".

And only bring it up if/when he brings up Facebook. This part is important, otherwise, he'll look at it as interrogation.

Say "Yes, I agree, you can tell a lot about someone from their Facebook! I noticed you have a lot of female friends". PERIOD.

This is where you just sit and see how he responds.

Remember, this could be completely innocent. Maybe he's worked in fashion, where there are a lot of females. Maybe he has a ton of female cousins. You just never know. So you want to just give it a quick statement, and then let it drop, and let him respond.

Facebook is not reality. Social media is probably a big contributor to divorces today. And affairs. It’s a whole new world now, and not a particularly nice one. I hope eventually we as a species recognize Facebook for the waste of time it really is and get back to meeting/talking to people in real life again.

Yes, I agree with you to a certain extent. I like it because I can keep up with family members and friends who live in other states. I enjoy seeing the photos of my grandson and other family members that I would otherwise hardly ever get to see.

Speaking only for myself, most of my answers come from asking the question, "What is it, exactly, that I want?"

Clarity with myself resolves how I will operate toward anyone else. For instance, I'm not a casual dater. I date to learn whether someone is my match--but in order to do that, I need to know what I want. In this case, I'd recognize that a LDR with a guy who lives 5 hours away, travels a lot, and surrounds himself with the company of mostly women can't really offer me anything beyond some flattery and a continual dose of insecurity.

Since that's not what I want, why would I position myself to explore that further? I'd rather focus on meeting men close to home with whom I CAN potentially have the kind of relationship that I want. It makes no sense to pretzel myself around circumstances that make me uncomfortable just for the sake of meeting someone who can't even offer me what I want.

Just beware that there are many catfish on dating sites and even Facebook and other other sites as well. He will never meet up with you, however, if he is a fake person. So we shall see. chi

I hear you, catfeeder. I am also not a casual dater. But I have been single for 20 years and have practically dated every single guy in my zip code. I also am planning to move north when my father passes and concentrate on meeting men in those areas. He just happens to live in one of my "areas". I don't know for sure if he is always with women or even surrounds himself with women, I haven't met him yet. It is something I would need to explore if we want to pursue a relationship. Maybe it is an ego boost for him to have so many girl friends on fb.......I just don't know. All I can tell you is I am looking forward to our date this weekend and if I never hear from him again, that's okay with me.

i try to connect with girls on FB to make sure they are real. if their facebook page only has 10 friends and no family, then they're not real. You have good street smarts..... you'll be fine as long as you trust your instincts.

CONFUSED214, I get a lot of friend requests from males that I don't know. If I see that they have no friends and there is nothing about who they are, I typically

send a message asking if we know each other. If I get a reply, "No, but I'm lonely", or "No, but I ran across you in a news feed" etc...then I will not delete the request.

In other words, I only accept friends requests from people that I know.

Let me ask you, as a male........why does a guy, who is my age, 61, need to have over 1000 beautiful and mostly single, female friends? Is this an ego thing?

Just curious.........

CONFUSED214, I get a lot of friend requests from males that I don't know. If I see that they have no friends and there is nothing about who they are, I typically

send a message asking if we know each other. If I get a reply, "No, but I'm lonely", or "No, but I ran across you in a news feed" etc...then I will not delete the request.

In other words, I only accept friends requests from people that I know.

 

Let me ask you, as a male........why does a guy, who is my age, 61, need to have over 1000 beautiful and mostly single, female friends? Is this an ego thing?

Just curious.........

Consider friend requests from anyone you don't know to be like spam, and just delete it--don't engage with it. There are plenty of 'bots' that monitor people and their behavior based on their acceptance or engagement. Skip that.

Old fashioned safety measures apply equally to the digital world: if you wouldn't give a stranger access to your snail mail, why would you engage with an e-stranger? Why open yourself to malicious threats, trojan horses and the like?

As for racking up friends, sometimes it's a marketing technique for monitoring you as a consumer, sometimes it's a malicious access thing as discussed above, and sometimes it's a misguided dating technique designed to create the appearance of 'high value' to other women or men.

Bottom line: keep your private accounts private, and don't use them to engage with strangers. It's makes you a 'mark' no matter how you slice it.

Correction: I meant to say, " if I receive a friend request from someone that I do NOT know and I message them, asking if we know one another and I get a ridiculous answer such as, "I am lonely", or "you turned up in my news feed..." then I DELETE the request.

Thanks Catfeeder for those wise words!

Correction: I meant to say, " if I receive a friend request from someone that I do NOT know and I message them, asking if we know one another and I get a ridiculous answer such as, "I am lonely", or "you turned up in my news feed..." then I DELETE the request.

Thanks Catfeeder for those wise words!

If YOU don't know them, don't engage to ask them if you know them. Engaging AT ALL puts you on certain 'mark' lists.

Trust your SELF.

When I started this thread, I was concerned about a guy I met on a dating site having too many girl friends. The conversation has taken a different turn now, and some of you are warning me and think it is a bit suspicious. I am beginning to think along those lines as well. After he made the initial contact, we messaged each other for 3 days, from 10am until 10pm. I asked him if he could still do that and work. He told me he owned his own business., and asked me to check out his linkedin profile. It is there along with his photo. On the dating site he has uploaded around 7 photos. Last Tues, (over a week ago) he asked me if we could talk on the phone. We exchanged numbers and he called me. We talked for almost an hour and made a date for this Saturday. The plan is for him to drive 5 hours from his home to take me out for dinner. He has family about an hours drive from me. My concern is, we have not spoken on the phone, nor have I receive any kind of text message since Wed, Nov 8. Our date is tomorrow night. I am baffled and don't know what to think!

I am not happy about the lack of communication since our phone call, when he seemed overly anxious to message me and eventually call me. I hope he doesn't drive down and then call me to tell me he has arrived and where do we meet. (we discussed meeting as opposed to him picking me up because we don't know each other). Not sure what to make of this.......any thoughts?

If you talked on the phone and made a date, then he might just have put it on his calendar and will contact you re: the time, etc.

I do think it's a bit odd that all communication has stopped for....10 days now?

I would text him and just say something casual, like "Hi, I'm looking forward to dinner Sat. night. Do you have an idea of what time?"

This will keep you from sitting on pins and needles waiting on him.

But here it is, Friday, and if it were me, this wouldn't make me super excited.

Others might say, just wait, he set the date up, he should be the one to confirm.

I'd go ahead and send the text because by now, I'd want to make my plans.

1000 "friends", huh.

Well you can bet he probably doesn't know most of them. Probably random friend requested a vast majority of them.

This would likely be a dealbreaker for me, not because they are all women, but because this person probably spends WAY too much time on social media and that annoys the hell out of me.

This is why I said stay local: you can set a date and time for a quick meet in a public place of your own choosing. If he shows, he shows, if he doesn't, you take your coffee with you and no big deal.

Online dating long distance has bigger inconvenience, and bigger risks, your odds of a better match are no better, and the outcome if you are a match is a Long Distance 'relationship' that most people would avoid like the plague.

So why do this?

I use online dating for several reasons. I live in a small town and have practically dated my zip code. I also date men who live in towns that I would eventually consider moving to someday. I know it is risky and I am careful. I was encouraged by several friends of mine who tried it and met their spouses, or are in a happy relationship.

I don't know if he will show up or not, since we only discussed meeting up Saturday.....no specific place or time was discussed. Keep in mind, I am equally as careful meeting guys that live here locally. I isn't for everyone, I get that, it amazes me the distance one will travel for the right person!

I have been chatting with an older gentlemen on eharmony for the last week. We are both in our early 60's. He has been married twice and I have only been married once. I have been divorced for 20 years. We have alot in common and after chatting for a few days, we decided to talk on the telephone. Our conversation was very pleasant and he was very engaging. We are pretty much looking for the same thing in a marriage partner, but I want to take things slow. He lives 5 hours away. He is a very successful businessman and travels alot. He asked me out for the next weekend. In the meantime, he also asked me if I was on social media. I told him that I was on FB. He added that you can find out alot about someone by their FB posts. I agreed and he allowed me to view his as well.

He sent me a friend request and I accepted.

I immediately noticed that he has over 1000 fb friends and that 95% of them are women. I viewed the profiles of at least a dozen of them and they are all single. Not only that, they are beautiful! They are not just average looking women. They live all over the country and some even live in his area.

My question, and this is bothering me, do you think this guy is a serial dater? Could he be a player?

My cousin who is on fb, has over 4000 friends and the majority are men. She loves men! She loves to date as many as she can!

So, I am wondering if this guy is someone who is out looking to just have fun?

I looked over some of my friends FB profiles, both men and women and there seems to be a good balance of 50/50.

I saw maybe 4 or 5 males and 2 or 3 couples and the rest were all women, on my friends FB page.

I am trying to figure out if I should ask him about this on our date or say nothing. If we go out again, should I bring it up, like, 'I see you have many friends on fb, do you know them all and why so many women?" Maybe or maybe not.

I would love to hear what you think, especially the guys, but gals, any thoughts you have will be appreciated!

 

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Whenever I see a guy have mostly women on Facebook or social media, I rule them out as a potential mate. Why start a relationship with someone who could potentially be problematic. Marriage counselors have revealed that 50% of divorces happened because of affairs from Facebook alone.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Why get involved with a man who has many female friends and put yourself in the situation of that insecurity and uncertainty?