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Thread: Ex-gf. I feel trapped in a toxic cycle.

  1. #1
    SmooveJ1124
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    Ex-gf. I feel trapped in a toxic cycle.

    I know I am going to probably get ripped to shreds here. But I need advice and help.

    Been in a on again off again situationship with a ex girlfriend for 3 years now. Our official relationship only lasted for 7 months due to differences I thought we could work through. From that point on we been on again and off again since 2014. She has a quick temper and gets mad at anything and if it isn't her way then she's gone. I am 26 and she is 27. I have a great job making good money to support myself and someone else. she on the other hand lives with her parents works a part time and has no car. Majority of our arguments and breakups are because I can't help her fully. I help her as much as I can but it seems like she wants to be "saved". In these years she's had 2-3 relationships (im sure more) and always comes back to me. One time, She was actually pregnant by a ex and was still contacting me here and there wanting to be "friends" but I was ignoring it until one day she was in the hospital because she lost the baby but in the same day she asked to be back with me..in the hospital..while the baby father was there with her. She was also going through things with her family so as a friend I broke NC and was there for her which was probably a huge mistake.

    Its tough because shes really hot and the sex was great so she comes over and tells me the guy she was with gave her genital herpes. I was shocked and pissed (wanted to bang) and she kept crying. She goes home and continues to text me I tell her herpes is forever and this all couldve easily been avoided if you would have tried to work things out with me. Time goes on and she finally gets me, I have sex with her with a condom few times didnt feel good about it. Got tested each time and no herps. She wanted to get back together but I just couldn't at the time, I also have other girls but for some reason my ex still had a hold on me. We get into a huge argument and idk, everything I was holding in for years came out I called her alot of names and just cussed her out. very unlike me and she also said this was unlike me and I hurt her. But she's done and said so much mean chit to me I honestly felt numb after saying it. I apologized for it later that week and she was still shocked and hurt. Now she has a new boyfriend but its long distance but they started dating while he was living close. Now I think I am kind of jealous and some days feel like I want her back smh I told her and she just can't give me any answers. She was with me yesterday no sex we just watched tv. I dropped her off and blocked her I am just confused and wondering will she come back (even tho she's came back more times than I can count) this is a strong attachment I can't break. She also has not told the other guy she has a STD and of course they are having sex if they are together.

    Its getting to the point I may need to get professional help. I mean I have no problem getting girls and even other girls sex is great but I always tend to let my ex back in and it ends up ending whatever I have with other girls.

  2. #2
    DancingFool
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    She can't contact you if you block her on absolutely everything. Sorry dude, but this isn't really that complicated.

    You aren't blocking her because you are enjoying this game and even risking your own health for it. Yeah, you probably do need some counseling to figure out why you are sabotaging yourself and any chance at a healthy relationship. This actually has little to do with this chic. Look closer to home, aka yourself, because if not this wreck of a chic, it will be another. You are choosing it for whatever reason or reasons you need to figure out and get out of your system.

  3. #3
    melancholy123
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    You MAY need help? You DO need help. I dont plan to rip you to shreds, but good grief what is wrong with you that you are keeping this nutcase in your life? She clearly is messed up and you cant help her, she needs some professional help and guidance. Please block her every way you can and look for a girl who is not f*cked up. You can do so much better.

  4. #4
    SmooveJ1124
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    I have blocked her on everything before to the point she drove past my place a few times and i seen her smh. I must say that my father raised me most of my life while my mother was absent and was on drugs. Her father is in prison and her family is dysfunctional. Idk if that plays a part. Today i dont miss her I have a date tonight AND tomorrow with two different people. Not to brag again but i dont have any problem with women wat so ever but i been thru this so many times that i know if she comes back later i will give in smh.

  5. #5
    SmooveJ1124
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    I may also add that I had a crush on this girl since I was a child. I never thought I would have her back then in grade school so that may play a part. But alot of people close to me warned me about her...i didnt listen. I guess im thinkin she will change and that this new guy is going to get the side of her I been working hard for?

    It got to the point i told her she can move in with me and we can work on improving her life. She still couldnt give me a yes or no. But she is also still blocked. I know this sounds pathetic but i really have no one else to turn to because my friends and family are sick of it. Ive let plenty of good women go due to this situation because i cant feel the connection I have with them that i have with this particular ex.

  6. #6
    DancingFool
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmooveJ1124 [Register to see the link]
    I have blocked her on everything before to the point she drove past my place a few times and i seen her smh. I must say that my father raised me most of my life while my mother was absent and was on drugs. Her father is in prison and her family is dysfunctional. Idk if that plays a part. Today i dont miss her I have a date tonight AND tomorrow with two different people. Not to brag again but i dont have any problem with women wat so ever but i been thru this so many times that i know if she comes back later i will give in smh.
    This is why you need counseling. You are essentially trying to fix your mom by getting involved with effed up chics. Like I said in my previous post, this isn't about this particular girl. If you don't fix the underlying issues within you, you'll just get involved with another toxic mess trying to "save" her, aka save mom.

    Btw, getting dates with all kinds of women is not the same as being able to develop a healthy connection and a healthy relationship with a good woman. You aren't capable and you need to address that.

  7. #7
    SmooveJ1124
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    This is why you need counseling. You are essentially trying to fix your mom by getting involved with effed up chics. Like I said in my previous post, this isn't about this particular girl. If you don't fix the underlying issues within you, you'll just get involved with another toxic mess trying to "save" her, aka save mom.

    Btw, getting dates with all kinds of women is not the same as being able to develop a healthy connection and a healthy relationship with a good woman. You aren't capable and you need to address that.
    Me and my mother are ok now we talk alot but i am one of the few children that she has that she talks to. I have 2 brothers that dont ever want to talk to her again and a 24 year old sister thats in and out of psychological fascilities. I can call her and she will be there for me but as a child it came to a point my father wanted me to just forget her because she was never there. So i understand what youíre saying but me and my mother has talked about all of this and her absents. She even wants me to stay away from this girl.

    You making great points but i still feel like my ex is my bestfriend and i just dont know. but i know ima end up missing her again. but another half of me want to be married and have kids and have a stable rship with someone new. Thats why i am going on these dates. I just dont know what to do.

  8. #8
    DancingFool
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmooveJ1124 [Register to see the link]
    Me and my mother are ok now we talk alot but i am one of the few children that she has that she talks to. I have 2 brothers that dont ever want to talk to her again and a 24 year old sister thats in and out of psychological fascilities. I can call her and she will be there for me but as a child it came to a point my father wanted me to just forget her because she was never there. So i understand what youíre saying but me and my mother has talked about all of this and her absents. She even wants me to stay away from this girl.

    You making great points but i still feel like my ex is my bestfriend and i just dont know. but i know ima end up missing her again. but another half of me want to be married and have kids and have a stable rship with someone new. Thats why i am going on these dates. I just dont know what to do.
    Just because you have a good relationship with your mother now, doesn't mean that your childhood problems aren't affecting you on a subconscious level. You don't have to be crazy or have a mental illness to talk a therapist and get to the bottom of some of these issues so that you CAN have a happy future and a happy marriage with someone who is not a wreck. When you can't bond with healthy women and only person you'll bond with is psycho and you have this kind of a family background.... 2+2=4. Either get yourself sorted or spend your life drifting from one toxic mess to the next. Your choice.

  9. #9
    SmooveJ1124
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    Just because you have a good relationship with your mother now, doesn't mean that your childhood problems aren't affecting you on a subconscious level. You don't have to be crazy or have a mental illness to talk a therapist and get to the bottom of some of these issues so that you CAN have a happy future and a happy marriage with someone who is not a wreck. When you can't bond with healthy women and only person you'll bond with is psycho and you have this kind of a family background.... 2+2=4. Either get yourself sorted or spend your life drifting from one toxic mess to the next. Your choice.
    I hear you. I guess i need to look more into this.

    But why does she keep coming back to me is what I dont understand. Everytime i think shes gone for good she comes back.

  10. #10
    Pleasedonot5
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    Because when she's got no one else to turn to, she knows she'll always have you to fall back on.

    Because there you are, on the back burner waiting for her, time and time again.

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